I have spent a lot of time thinking about this blog and the direction that I wanted it to go. What did I want to use it for, and then I was sitting in church this week and the pastor was talking about Hope (the next two weeks will be faith and love). While listening to this sermon, I kept thinking that I need to use this blog for more than just witty and whimsical posts about my family. I will still post those, but we need more God in our lives. Not just on Sunday, where we get dressed up for church, and sit through the sermon, greet friends and new comers and then go home. We need God Monday - Saturday as well. So this blog, while still about the struggles of being a single mom and the day to day amazement my children bring me, I am directing it towards God and his work in our lives. I also thought about what Faith, Hope and Love meant to me. So I will be working on a blog that deals with these. Especially since Friday, when all our hearts were broken when an armed man, (I am not using the name of the gunman on purpose) came into a school and wreaked havoc on the lives of our most innocent. I have a blog outlined (in my head) for one related to this, because as probably almost any parent here can relate to, when you hear something of this magnitude you automatically do not want to send your children to school anymore. Homeschooling sounds like a much more viable option than sending our children to school where this can happen.
So I encourage you to join the blog as a subscriber. Read this blog and tell your friends about it. Hopefully I can do my part in spreading God's word. We need more of God and not less in this world. There are those who claim to be spreading God's word and really they are only spouting out Satan's word. Westboro Church for instance who protest military funerals and who know want to protest at the funerals of these innocent children and brave teachers. God did not use an armed gunman to brutally murder and terrify children and teachers to seek vengeance on this world for gay marriage, or for any other horrible sin this church feels that society is making. Our God might be a jealous God, he mourns for those who do not follow Him, he does not kill them in His name and he certainly does not take vengeance out on innocent children who can't possibly know or understand any of this. Shame on this so-called church for intruding and possibly intruding on these funerals where parents are mourning the death of their child, or their loved one who so bravely protected these students to the best of their ability. I can't watch the news anymore, it is heartbreaking and even Morgan Freeman had a valid point, that by watching and retaining the name of the killer we are validating him in a small way. He pointed out that what is remembered in these kinds of tragedies is the name of the killer and not the victims. It is the victims that matter here, not the murderer. It doesn't matter how many were killed, whether or not this is the worst or close to the worst school shooting tragedy, simply because one is not more tragic than another. All are tragic, senseless and something that we will never understand.
Pray today for these families. Pray that God brings them some amount of healing and comfort. Their hearts are broken and their lives are forever changed. Only God can bring peace, healing and comfort for those mourning their loved ones.
As a parent I can't imagine my 5 year old not coming home from school to share with me his excitement over his day and that he got a green note today or being good. Or my 12 year old who may not always have a good day, but does try to find something good in her day, and who loves to tell me about her day after school. My 13 year who has a rough day at school most of the time, but still has a loving heart. My 14 year old and first born, who I have watched grow up into an amazingly independent individual. These children, a gift from God, are the joys of my life, they aggravate me, they frustrate and anger me better than anyone else can with their petty fights and senseless torture of one another, but they also bring me joy and wonder. I am constantly amazed at each of them and the things they come up with. If one of them did not come home, my world would be truly broken. Saturday I woke up to these little one's fighting and I started to yell at them, and then I stopped and thanked God that they were still here to argue with one another. I did ask them to stop and directed them to better and more productive activities. We need to thank God each and every day for our precious gifts. We need to put Him first in our lives.
Until the next Scribble.....
Scribbles On The Wall. A Mom. 4 Children. Creating a A New Life
Monday, December 17, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Praying for our Monsters...:)
Hello...
So here is to a frustrating night of learning. Our kids are our greatest source of joy, but they can also be our greatest source of frustration. I love being a mom, but nights like tonight remind me why I need God in my life and in my family. He promises to love us even through our mistakes and trust me I made plenty tonight. I let my frustrations get the better of me and that is never a good thing. I definitely came unglued tonight. (BTW the book Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst is amazing!)
God reminds us that while we are not perfect, neither are our children, and they are going to test our limits and our patience to see what they can get away with. They are kids....even though sometimes it feels kind of like a gang of ninja warriors attacking. As parents we need to guide them and guide their behavior in the right direction. We need them to turn their eyes towards God.
As moms, we take on a lot, as single moms, we take on even more and some days it feels like it is all just to much. No one ever says their goal in life is to be a single parent, and God created parents in twos for a reason, but unfortunately we are not perfect and things don't always end up the way they should or the way we planned. So while we struggle to maintain our homes, our busy schedules, and juggle all those things that we as mothers (and fathers) struggle to juggle, we need to sit back for a minute (easier said then done, I know) and breath. Pray for our kids, pray for ourselves, and pray for the parent who is absent. Pray over your family. As Christian parents there is nothing more important in our parenting lives than praying for our children.
I know its hard, believe me, I am human and there are days when I want to shake my child and ask what on earth he/she is thinking....seriously my 14 year old has blue hair...blue! My children are amazing and they each have their own quirky and unique personality that makes watching them grow the best thing on earth. Sure if we didn't have children, our homes would be cleaner, our lives would be quieter, we would have more time for ourselves and to go out, but, it would be completely and utterly boring.
So the next time your precious little one is suddenly turned into a whiny-crying-tantrum-I-hate-you-mom-throwing monster that without this monster you would be bored, even if somewhat relaxed. Grab a cup of coffee, read your bible and pray for your little monsters, they need it and so do you!
Until the next Scribble....
So here is to a frustrating night of learning. Our kids are our greatest source of joy, but they can also be our greatest source of frustration. I love being a mom, but nights like tonight remind me why I need God in my life and in my family. He promises to love us even through our mistakes and trust me I made plenty tonight. I let my frustrations get the better of me and that is never a good thing. I definitely came unglued tonight. (BTW the book Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst is amazing!)
God reminds us that while we are not perfect, neither are our children, and they are going to test our limits and our patience to see what they can get away with. They are kids....even though sometimes it feels kind of like a gang of ninja warriors attacking. As parents we need to guide them and guide their behavior in the right direction. We need them to turn their eyes towards God.
As moms, we take on a lot, as single moms, we take on even more and some days it feels like it is all just to much. No one ever says their goal in life is to be a single parent, and God created parents in twos for a reason, but unfortunately we are not perfect and things don't always end up the way they should or the way we planned. So while we struggle to maintain our homes, our busy schedules, and juggle all those things that we as mothers (and fathers) struggle to juggle, we need to sit back for a minute (easier said then done, I know) and breath. Pray for our kids, pray for ourselves, and pray for the parent who is absent. Pray over your family. As Christian parents there is nothing more important in our parenting lives than praying for our children.
I know its hard, believe me, I am human and there are days when I want to shake my child and ask what on earth he/she is thinking....seriously my 14 year old has blue hair...blue! My children are amazing and they each have their own quirky and unique personality that makes watching them grow the best thing on earth. Sure if we didn't have children, our homes would be cleaner, our lives would be quieter, we would have more time for ourselves and to go out, but, it would be completely and utterly boring.
So the next time your precious little one is suddenly turned into a whiny-crying-tantrum-I-hate-you-mom-throwing monster that without this monster you would be bored, even if somewhat relaxed. Grab a cup of coffee, read your bible and pray for your little monsters, they need it and so do you!
Until the next Scribble....
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Giving Up is Not an Option
We all have those days, where the easiest thing in the world would be to give up. Throw in the towel and walk away. I am certainly not perfect nor am I immune to those days. As moms we always feel the need to be perfect, have the perfect home, have the perfect children (and let me be the first to say, mine are far, far, far from the perfect children I would like them to be) and look perfect when we get out of bed. We feel the need to make it all look easy.
Screw that, it is not easy. It is especially hard when the task of raising your children falls on your shoulders alone. Yesterday, however, was one of those days. Seemed like the easiest thing to do would be to walk away and start over. Why not, their dad did...seemed to play over and over in my head yesterday. It was easy for him, but was it really?
This morning, I was reading my bible and I came across Isaiah 40:31 which states:
It reminded me why giving up is not an option. Perfection, my life is not and I miss the days when my children were litle and had both parents in the house, and some days (yes even after forgiving their dad), it still makes me a little angry and frustrated, that from what appears to be easy for their dad, (no kids = easier for dad) is a constant worry and struggle for me daily. I don't appear as a person who worries a lot, and to a point I don't, because if I can't fix, then why worry about it? I do worry, though, every day about four little people who need, because at this point, I am all they have fighting for them.
Giving up is not an option.
I worry about their futures, their present and pray that their past does not have ah old on them. I worry about what they need and what they watch and who they hang out with. I worry about them daily and pray that their needs are somehow met and that despite what they don't have, they turn out to be great people with a bright future.
Yesterday, I had to pray for the strength not to sell them to gypsies (this is a common threat in my house and I am sure by now; as they have never been sold to gypsies; they are not totally concerned about it). It seemed like nothing I told them to do got through. Do the dishes: nope not done. Clean the room: nope not done. Clean up the toys in the living room: again not done. When I got home from taking K to youth group, the house looked worse than it did when I left....Uh O! I took everything away, computer, TV, PlayStation, game boys, toys, art supplies and threatened to throw them all away and they would only be able to read books on the couch...if I didn't throw those away too.
Mess irritates me. It frustrates me. Again, not necessarily something one knows or would even see if they saw my, on the inside though I am like Hurricane Katrina and ready to kick some butt. I literally fail to function when everything is in chaos, and I want to run and bury my head in the sand.
Giving up is not an option.
God will give us the strength we need to press on, move forward. He will guide us along the way. He will carry us if we fall. We only need to trust Him and ask Him. I know He has a plan for me, I just have to wait for His time. I know He will reveal it to me in His time. For now, I have to keep pressing on, and trusting God will provide what my family needs. He knows what we need, He knows what I need, He will provide. I may want it today, (more like yesterday)but He has His time and His plan will be shown. The strength to carry on is in all of us. We just need to find it. We have to pray for it. I am not a saint and I will fall and feel like giving up again, I just need to remind myself of the four wonderful children He gave me, and remember that they are just children and need guidance from me. I also need to remind myself that:
Giving up is not an option.
Until the next Scribble.....
Screw that, it is not easy. It is especially hard when the task of raising your children falls on your shoulders alone. Yesterday, however, was one of those days. Seemed like the easiest thing to do would be to walk away and start over. Why not, their dad did...seemed to play over and over in my head yesterday. It was easy for him, but was it really?
This morning, I was reading my bible and I came across Isaiah 40:31 which states:
But those who wait on the Lord
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary
they shall walk and not faint
It reminded me why giving up is not an option. Perfection, my life is not and I miss the days when my children were litle and had both parents in the house, and some days (yes even after forgiving their dad), it still makes me a little angry and frustrated, that from what appears to be easy for their dad, (no kids = easier for dad) is a constant worry and struggle for me daily. I don't appear as a person who worries a lot, and to a point I don't, because if I can't fix, then why worry about it? I do worry, though, every day about four little people who need, because at this point, I am all they have fighting for them.
Giving up is not an option.
I worry about their futures, their present and pray that their past does not have ah old on them. I worry about what they need and what they watch and who they hang out with. I worry about them daily and pray that their needs are somehow met and that despite what they don't have, they turn out to be great people with a bright future.
Yesterday, I had to pray for the strength not to sell them to gypsies (this is a common threat in my house and I am sure by now; as they have never been sold to gypsies; they are not totally concerned about it). It seemed like nothing I told them to do got through. Do the dishes: nope not done. Clean the room: nope not done. Clean up the toys in the living room: again not done. When I got home from taking K to youth group, the house looked worse than it did when I left....Uh O! I took everything away, computer, TV, PlayStation, game boys, toys, art supplies and threatened to throw them all away and they would only be able to read books on the couch...if I didn't throw those away too.
Mess irritates me. It frustrates me. Again, not necessarily something one knows or would even see if they saw my, on the inside though I am like Hurricane Katrina and ready to kick some butt. I literally fail to function when everything is in chaos, and I want to run and bury my head in the sand.
Giving up is not an option.
God will give us the strength we need to press on, move forward. He will guide us along the way. He will carry us if we fall. We only need to trust Him and ask Him. I know He has a plan for me, I just have to wait for His time. I know He will reveal it to me in His time. For now, I have to keep pressing on, and trusting God will provide what my family needs. He knows what we need, He knows what I need, He will provide. I may want it today, (more like yesterday)but He has His time and His plan will be shown. The strength to carry on is in all of us. We just need to find it. We have to pray for it. I am not a saint and I will fall and feel like giving up again, I just need to remind myself of the four wonderful children He gave me, and remember that they are just children and need guidance from me. I also need to remind myself that:
Giving up is not an option.
Until the next Scribble.....
Thursday, October 4, 2012
I love the creativity of my children. Every day I am amazed at the things I find. For instance I came home from the grocery store and was putting the frozen TV dinners and waffles away (Yes, I feed my children frozen junk on occasion. I mean really some nights it gets hectic and cake seems like a good dinner.) Anyway so back to the freezer, I found a Charlie Brown coffee mug with frozen water in the freezer. OK, not all that crazy right? Later, however, when the water had thawed somewhat, what do I find, two frozen army men. OK. Did I also mention that Ken was in the freezer as well....Barbie must have put him on ice for a bit..haha.
So curiosity got the better of me and I asked my children why Ken and army men were in my freezer. A automatically says, S did it! What?! So I look at S, my little princess [whose tiara is looking a bit tilted] and she says, "What? They flew threw Barbie's window, after I told them to stop. Its called a punishment Mom." OK. [Remind to talk to the doctor about getting her tubes tied, I can see my future grandchildren now...blue]. And Ken?! Cold water apparently turns his hair blue, she figured the freezer would work faster. There are icicles hanging off him..apparently he was forgotten about a week again. What? Barbie didn't file a missing person's report? Nice. Maybe Ken should check under the bed, the next time he comes home early for work. I mean talk about blue balls, Ken has them literally! [OK sorry for the comment, but seriously it could not be left out] Why you ask? Well not only did S leave ken in the freezer (standing up) he was holding a blue ball! ha!
A few days ago S and I were talking, about nothing in particular and all the sudden she announces, "I don't have an imaginary friend, I have an imaginary enemy". Just like that. Most kids have friends they can't see, mine, an enemy she can't see. She tells me that is the best kind of enemy to have..an invisible one. Now from my perspective, that would be the most dangerous one to have....carbon monoxide comes to mind...sightless and odorless but definitely deadly. After my WTH moment of shock, I nod and tell her that is highly creative, all the while silently calculating what her therapy bill are going to cost me....
Motherhood, has got to be the best job on the earth....just mix it with a little cranberry vodka and you have an enjoyable journey and nothing phases you...especially when plates go flying across your head in the pretense of seeing if it flies like a Frisbee does. Or when you check on silent children and discover blue hand prints on the walls and blue footprints on the carpet...maybe I should be mentally calculating what my therapy bills are going to be.....
Until the next Scribble.....
So curiosity got the better of me and I asked my children why Ken and army men were in my freezer. A automatically says, S did it! What?! So I look at S, my little princess [whose tiara is looking a bit tilted] and she says, "What? They flew threw Barbie's window, after I told them to stop. Its called a punishment Mom." OK. [Remind to talk to the doctor about getting her tubes tied, I can see my future grandchildren now...blue]. And Ken?! Cold water apparently turns his hair blue, she figured the freezer would work faster. There are icicles hanging off him..apparently he was forgotten about a week again. What? Barbie didn't file a missing person's report? Nice. Maybe Ken should check under the bed, the next time he comes home early for work. I mean talk about blue balls, Ken has them literally! [OK sorry for the comment, but seriously it could not be left out] Why you ask? Well not only did S leave ken in the freezer (standing up) he was holding a blue ball! ha!
A few days ago S and I were talking, about nothing in particular and all the sudden she announces, "I don't have an imaginary friend, I have an imaginary enemy". Just like that. Most kids have friends they can't see, mine, an enemy she can't see. She tells me that is the best kind of enemy to have..an invisible one. Now from my perspective, that would be the most dangerous one to have....carbon monoxide comes to mind...sightless and odorless but definitely deadly. After my WTH moment of shock, I nod and tell her that is highly creative, all the while silently calculating what her therapy bill are going to cost me....
Motherhood, has got to be the best job on the earth....just mix it with a little cranberry vodka and you have an enjoyable journey and nothing phases you...especially when plates go flying across your head in the pretense of seeing if it flies like a Frisbee does. Or when you check on silent children and discover blue hand prints on the walls and blue footprints on the carpet...maybe I should be mentally calculating what my therapy bills are going to be.....
Until the next Scribble.....
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Reflection
Yesterday, having been my birthday I thought it might be a cause to reflect...a little. It has been a rough year, but in many ways a blessed year....but still a very rough year. Things absolutely did not go my way, I have had new experiences, some pleasant and some that make me go WTH was I thinking? Seriously? I did THAT!?
I am not a perfect mom, and I don't ever plan to be....simply because it is not possible. I have tried. I have worn myself out from sheer exhaustion trying. I am not the perfect daughter....I get mad, I say things I don't necessarily mean and well, we don't get to choose our family do we? I am not the perfect sister....I get mad to easily to be, but I love my siblings regardless...just won't put them on my Facebook anymore. I have loved, and I have lost, but this last year has shown me that regardless of what happens....family is the most important.
So what have I learned this year....
1) God loves us regardless of our mistakes and will forgive us, if we ask.
2) Patience is a virtue that I DO NOT possess.
3) Just because you know what you want, does not mean you will get it.
4) Being the perfect mom is not about to happen
5) I like being single....but there are days it sucks.
6) My children are my life
7) With 4 children, its a good thing I like being single (most days) because no wants to take on these 4!
8) Life is not what you make it, but how you deal with what is thrown at you shows what kind of person you are. Stuff happens beyond your control. Deal with it, get mad, cry, move on.
9) The person you divorced will constantly amaze you and contradict the person you thought he/she was.
10) Vodka makes everything go away for awhile, add cranberry juice and it makes it a lot sweeter and easier to swallow.
We all live our lives worried about whether we are doing it right. If you are happy you are fine. I still want the condo in San Francisco, the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect everything.....but I have the perfect children...for me and as long as they are healthy and happy, my life is good. The occasional Vodka cranberry bliss will suffice as an escape from the mundane.....and I do mean occasional!
Until the next Scribble..............
I am not a perfect mom, and I don't ever plan to be....simply because it is not possible. I have tried. I have worn myself out from sheer exhaustion trying. I am not the perfect daughter....I get mad, I say things I don't necessarily mean and well, we don't get to choose our family do we? I am not the perfect sister....I get mad to easily to be, but I love my siblings regardless...just won't put them on my Facebook anymore. I have loved, and I have lost, but this last year has shown me that regardless of what happens....family is the most important.
So what have I learned this year....
1) God loves us regardless of our mistakes and will forgive us, if we ask.
2) Patience is a virtue that I DO NOT possess.
3) Just because you know what you want, does not mean you will get it.
4) Being the perfect mom is not about to happen
5) I like being single....but there are days it sucks.
6) My children are my life
7) With 4 children, its a good thing I like being single (most days) because no wants to take on these 4!
8) Life is not what you make it, but how you deal with what is thrown at you shows what kind of person you are. Stuff happens beyond your control. Deal with it, get mad, cry, move on.
9) The person you divorced will constantly amaze you and contradict the person you thought he/she was.
10) Vodka makes everything go away for awhile, add cranberry juice and it makes it a lot sweeter and easier to swallow.
We all live our lives worried about whether we are doing it right. If you are happy you are fine. I still want the condo in San Francisco, the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect everything.....but I have the perfect children...for me and as long as they are healthy and happy, my life is good. The occasional Vodka cranberry bliss will suffice as an escape from the mundane.....and I do mean occasional!
Until the next Scribble..............
Monday, September 10, 2012
Midnight writing....
So it's midnight and I can't sleep. The kids are all asleep, the house is clean, my school work is done and here I am drinking a cup of tea, wondering why I am still up. The burners are all off, the doors are locked, I didn't forget anything, but something is off.
As I sit here I realize that I have changed. The person I am today is not the girl I was when I got married. I have grown a lot in the last six years. I would never have described myself as strong, but I am. I know many people have told me I was, but I just always assumed its what people say when they want you to feel better about the crappy situation you are in, but they are right, and I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
I am a lot "softer" in some ways than I was before. Not really sure when that happened, but there it is. I am not the idealistic girl I was when I got married either. The one who believed that happily ever after was real, or who believe that love was all that matters, that if you have love, you can get through anything. I don't see the world through rose colored glasses, but I do believe that no matter what you have been through, there is always something better. At least I would like to believe that. In this way I am a lot harder than I was before too.
I can look back and remember the good times we had as a family and realize, it was not all bad. The bad just over clouded the good and there was no going back. Sometimes, even when you love someone, you just have to let them go. Apart of me will always love him. Without him, I would not have the 4 beautiful children I have. For that I could never truly hate him. I want to, but the best parts of both of us are in them and therefore I can't hate him. (this is that softer side I was talking about). K has her dad's sensitive side, but she hides it really well. S is extremely sensitive to. A has his love of things technical and for the outdoors. M unfortunately never got to be around him, so he doesn't portray any of the characteristics, but he does look a lot like him, and I see his dad in him every day.
I am a lot more independent than I was at 18 or even 25. However, that is more so because I have had to be. I don't like being dependant on anyone, and I know that part of that is not want to let anyone in. I have to do it for myself and for my children. I have to know that I can make it on my own.
It can be hard to separate the mom from the individual to see that I am not just a mom, but I am a person aside from that. She kind of gets lost in the day to day Mom activities, but she is there. She's the part of me that enjoys going to San Francisco just because and not for any particular reason except that she loves it there. She is the girl that can throw routine out the window for a day (but only a day, any more than that and functioning becomes difficult). She is not wild or the party type, but she is her own identity aside from being Mom.
The tea is gone and I am feeling a little drowsy. I could go on, but maybe another time. The house is eerily quiet, without the kids fighting and bickering and the dog barking. So I guess I will say goodnight...or good morning, which ever you prefer and go to bed! Hopefully sleep will ensue, as I have to be awake in 6 hours.
Until the next Scribble......
As I sit here I realize that I have changed. The person I am today is not the girl I was when I got married. I have grown a lot in the last six years. I would never have described myself as strong, but I am. I know many people have told me I was, but I just always assumed its what people say when they want you to feel better about the crappy situation you are in, but they are right, and I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
I am a lot "softer" in some ways than I was before. Not really sure when that happened, but there it is. I am not the idealistic girl I was when I got married either. The one who believed that happily ever after was real, or who believe that love was all that matters, that if you have love, you can get through anything. I don't see the world through rose colored glasses, but I do believe that no matter what you have been through, there is always something better. At least I would like to believe that. In this way I am a lot harder than I was before too.
I can look back and remember the good times we had as a family and realize, it was not all bad. The bad just over clouded the good and there was no going back. Sometimes, even when you love someone, you just have to let them go. Apart of me will always love him. Without him, I would not have the 4 beautiful children I have. For that I could never truly hate him. I want to, but the best parts of both of us are in them and therefore I can't hate him. (this is that softer side I was talking about). K has her dad's sensitive side, but she hides it really well. S is extremely sensitive to. A has his love of things technical and for the outdoors. M unfortunately never got to be around him, so he doesn't portray any of the characteristics, but he does look a lot like him, and I see his dad in him every day.
I am a lot more independent than I was at 18 or even 25. However, that is more so because I have had to be. I don't like being dependant on anyone, and I know that part of that is not want to let anyone in. I have to do it for myself and for my children. I have to know that I can make it on my own.
It can be hard to separate the mom from the individual to see that I am not just a mom, but I am a person aside from that. She kind of gets lost in the day to day Mom activities, but she is there. She's the part of me that enjoys going to San Francisco just because and not for any particular reason except that she loves it there. She is the girl that can throw routine out the window for a day (but only a day, any more than that and functioning becomes difficult). She is not wild or the party type, but she is her own identity aside from being Mom.
The tea is gone and I am feeling a little drowsy. I could go on, but maybe another time. The house is eerily quiet, without the kids fighting and bickering and the dog barking. So I guess I will say goodnight...or good morning, which ever you prefer and go to bed! Hopefully sleep will ensue, as I have to be awake in 6 hours.
Until the next Scribble......
Friday, September 7, 2012
Punishments for kids are really punishments for Parents...
Over my morning cup of coffee I got a brainstorm. A has ADD and effectively surprises me daily. I don't know if I am getting my sweet Mr. Man who loves his mom and is generally happy, or the demon child who can rip a door off its hinges in a tantrum big enough to rival the sinking of the Titanic. So while I was drinking my coffee, I decided that after our latest storm, he needs to be back on a routine...DUH Mom! Summer was typically slow and lazy for us, which is a nice change from the school year craziness of band, scouts, and whatever else they choose!
So here is what I did, I limited television time to 1 hour a day on the weekdays and no video games at all on the weekends. No friends houses during the week and Mom is going back to scheduling everything...UH O Kids. Well a week into this and it's UH O Mom! It has effectively and ultimately been the week from hell! While this was not a punishment, it is a way to cut down on the tantrums and not listening...this kid needs routine...all kids need it, but this child, like his Mama needs it!
I ruined his life....yes because television and shooting people on a game is your life. I put a roof over your head, feed you, cloth you and give you what you need and try my damnedest to get you what you want and I ruined your life. My bad for carrying for you for 9 months and then torturing myself by pushing you out so you can have life....oops!! My bad! Because lets face it Mr. Man, that is where your life began.....
I am the worst mom ever...mean...horrible. Yes, that is me (especially before my coffee in the morning...look out) I am so mean that I don't abuse you, don't starve you (at least not intentionally, I mean there are days I go, oops I forgot to give them breakfast...well in my defense, they didn't ask for it either). I read with you at night, cook you meals, bake you stuff, find money for your book fair and I am the worst mom ever...tell that to the kid who has nothing and whose dad is drunk all the time and whose mom hits him and leaves him alone all the time....bet he will trade your hugs and kisses for his beatings and the fighting in his house...yup!
Speaking of which that Vodka Cranberry is starting to sound good right now! Of course its not even 8am in the morning, so that is out of the question...if only I could be one of THOSE moms! The perfectionist in me won't allow it! HA!
Then I started to think about the punishments we give our children. Yes, in theory its for their benefit to learn the rules, to learn discipline and respect...bla bla bla....yet its always more of a punishment for us....the whining, complaining, crying, yelling, tantrum throwing and all because they can not watch TV for a week....OMGoodness whatever will you do? O go outside and play...fresh air, grass, ride a bike....all the things kids did before the Playstation....the playground you know was the original Playstation.....and we wonder why kids are obese these days! Its called the couch and video games while snacking on Cheetos! UGH! Spare me. So the headache ensues because the kids won't be quiet (I'd say shut up, but that is worth .10 in the swear jar) and your trying to get dinner ready, (bad mom that you are) and help the other child with their homework, which by the way you now need to go back to the 6th grade to learn...Can write a college paper on the fundamentals of policing and due process vs. crime control model, but you can no longer divide decimals thanks to them changing the method on you! WTH!?
BRB...need more coffee.....
OK, so now you are pulling your hair out, wondering why you took their games away in the first place? Did you really think they were going to pick up a book and OMGoodness...READ? Yup you did! Silly! So after the 5th time asking them to do something and they say only if you give me my gameboy back, you (Yup here comes horrible mom rearing her ugly head) You yell, "if you don't get you a$$ in here and clean this up and do as your told, your gameboy gets it! The homeless kid with the abusive parents is going to get it! O wait, that's gonna be you in two seconds." BTW loosing like that even for a second, is bad, but its gets the message across and the shock factor is great! However, just so you know, punishing your children is also a punishment for yourself! YES! Your mom was right, you will be paid back for all the times you messed with her! Ha ha! Joy!
Until the Next Scribble.......
So here is what I did, I limited television time to 1 hour a day on the weekdays and no video games at all on the weekends. No friends houses during the week and Mom is going back to scheduling everything...UH O Kids. Well a week into this and it's UH O Mom! It has effectively and ultimately been the week from hell! While this was not a punishment, it is a way to cut down on the tantrums and not listening...this kid needs routine...all kids need it, but this child, like his Mama needs it!
I ruined his life....yes because television and shooting people on a game is your life. I put a roof over your head, feed you, cloth you and give you what you need and try my damnedest to get you what you want and I ruined your life. My bad for carrying for you for 9 months and then torturing myself by pushing you out so you can have life....oops!! My bad! Because lets face it Mr. Man, that is where your life began.....
I am the worst mom ever...mean...horrible. Yes, that is me (especially before my coffee in the morning...look out) I am so mean that I don't abuse you, don't starve you (at least not intentionally, I mean there are days I go, oops I forgot to give them breakfast...well in my defense, they didn't ask for it either). I read with you at night, cook you meals, bake you stuff, find money for your book fair and I am the worst mom ever...tell that to the kid who has nothing and whose dad is drunk all the time and whose mom hits him and leaves him alone all the time....bet he will trade your hugs and kisses for his beatings and the fighting in his house...yup!
Speaking of which that Vodka Cranberry is starting to sound good right now! Of course its not even 8am in the morning, so that is out of the question...if only I could be one of THOSE moms! The perfectionist in me won't allow it! HA!
Then I started to think about the punishments we give our children. Yes, in theory its for their benefit to learn the rules, to learn discipline and respect...bla bla bla....yet its always more of a punishment for us....the whining, complaining, crying, yelling, tantrum throwing and all because they can not watch TV for a week....OMGoodness whatever will you do? O go outside and play...fresh air, grass, ride a bike....all the things kids did before the Playstation....the playground you know was the original Playstation.....and we wonder why kids are obese these days! Its called the couch and video games while snacking on Cheetos! UGH! Spare me. So the headache ensues because the kids won't be quiet (I'd say shut up, but that is worth .10 in the swear jar) and your trying to get dinner ready, (bad mom that you are) and help the other child with their homework, which by the way you now need to go back to the 6th grade to learn...Can write a college paper on the fundamentals of policing and due process vs. crime control model, but you can no longer divide decimals thanks to them changing the method on you! WTH!?
BRB...need more coffee.....
OK, so now you are pulling your hair out, wondering why you took their games away in the first place? Did you really think they were going to pick up a book and OMGoodness...READ? Yup you did! Silly! So after the 5th time asking them to do something and they say only if you give me my gameboy back, you (Yup here comes horrible mom rearing her ugly head) You yell, "if you don't get you a$$ in here and clean this up and do as your told, your gameboy gets it! The homeless kid with the abusive parents is going to get it! O wait, that's gonna be you in two seconds." BTW loosing like that even for a second, is bad, but its gets the message across and the shock factor is great! However, just so you know, punishing your children is also a punishment for yourself! YES! Your mom was right, you will be paid back for all the times you messed with her! Ha ha! Joy!
Until the Next Scribble.......
Friday, August 31, 2012
The Perfect Mom
We don't need to stop watching television because of the violence, the swearing (I mean really who doesn't slip once in awhile and in a sleep-deprived haze say the F word?), or even for the inappropriate sexual content that our children don't need to be exposed to. (I mean not letting them watch all that on TV is going to stop them from seeing it in reality. Have you ever walked through the Tenderloin?) The reason we really need to stop watching is because of the Carol Brady's, the Claire Huxtables and even June Cleaver. These are the real culprits on television!
Who vacuums in heels and pearls, wearing a dress and her hair and make up all done? Who hasn't spent a day on the couch eating bonbons like Peggy Bundy? These moms have set a standard that all of a sudden mom's feel they need to live up to. A full course breakfast before the kids head out the door, kisses on the forehead as they go to school (OK so we all do those), and the house is immaculate before 9 am. Dinner on the table by 5 pm and then off to clean up, pack lunches for the kids and hubby and then get immaculate looking to go to bed. WTH?!?
Listen ladies (and men because this goes for Stay-at-home-dads too), perfection is not a reality and if it is, your children are suffering and can never live up to it. It's OK to vacuum the friggen house in your sweats and a messy ponytail with no make up! Really it is! No one is going to deprive you of Mom of the year because you failed to look like a princess while cleaning your house.
Crap, you mean to tell me that dinner was late and not on the table by 5? Your children ate at 7? Shame on you! What were you thinking? Why is the laundry still on the couch unfolded? Get over it, it will get done and no one died because they ate dinner at 7! We have children who have school activities, extra curricular activities and we are busy, hell they are lucky to eat at 7! :) As a single mom, ever aspect of their care, cleaning up puke, making meals, cleaning, laundry, bathing (for the younger ones...older ones are on their own) transporting, and all the other aspects of mommying, are up to us, including taking out the trash, mowing the lawn (this is why I opt for a condo in the city...no lawn/yard care. Anything to make being mom easier), and working to pay the bills.
So moms (and some of you dad's), if your hair is messy, your make up not done and you accidentally go to the store in jammie pants and slippers, its OK! Perfection is not the goal, having children does not mean you need to be perfect. It does not mean you need to have a house so sterile and immaculate you can perform brain surgery on your kitchen floor. The goal is sanity (if that is even slightly possible), confusing your neighbors a little with the noises coming from your house, and having healthy children (no one says they have to be happy) and did you know it is OK and even slightly required to give them chores! ACK! YES! Your little ones can put their own laundry away, sweep the floor and clean up their own toys! Who knew! You sure as hell never saw the Brady kids cleaning nor the Cleaver kids. I'm just saying, at least in my house, that is 4 extra set of hand (for 8 hands in total) that can help do things around the house!
So grab a book, a glass of wine (or cup of coffee) and sit back while you watch your little ones trying to figure out the vacuum and how to fold a shirt just like mom! Ha never going to happen and the drawers might be a little messy....OK that last line was hard for me write, I despise messy drawers, cabinets, cupboards and closets! I also despise messy children, houses and everything else, but I have decided WTH, messy can be good, all those parenting experts agree...messy and dirty = higher tolerance to germs! Well bring on the germs, my children are immune!
Until the next Scribble......
Who vacuums in heels and pearls, wearing a dress and her hair and make up all done? Who hasn't spent a day on the couch eating bonbons like Peggy Bundy? These moms have set a standard that all of a sudden mom's feel they need to live up to. A full course breakfast before the kids head out the door, kisses on the forehead as they go to school (OK so we all do those), and the house is immaculate before 9 am. Dinner on the table by 5 pm and then off to clean up, pack lunches for the kids and hubby and then get immaculate looking to go to bed. WTH?!?
Listen ladies (and men because this goes for Stay-at-home-dads too), perfection is not a reality and if it is, your children are suffering and can never live up to it. It's OK to vacuum the friggen house in your sweats and a messy ponytail with no make up! Really it is! No one is going to deprive you of Mom of the year because you failed to look like a princess while cleaning your house.
Crap, you mean to tell me that dinner was late and not on the table by 5? Your children ate at 7? Shame on you! What were you thinking? Why is the laundry still on the couch unfolded? Get over it, it will get done and no one died because they ate dinner at 7! We have children who have school activities, extra curricular activities and we are busy, hell they are lucky to eat at 7! :) As a single mom, ever aspect of their care, cleaning up puke, making meals, cleaning, laundry, bathing (for the younger ones...older ones are on their own) transporting, and all the other aspects of mommying, are up to us, including taking out the trash, mowing the lawn (this is why I opt for a condo in the city...no lawn/yard care. Anything to make being mom easier), and working to pay the bills.
So moms (and some of you dad's), if your hair is messy, your make up not done and you accidentally go to the store in jammie pants and slippers, its OK! Perfection is not the goal, having children does not mean you need to be perfect. It does not mean you need to have a house so sterile and immaculate you can perform brain surgery on your kitchen floor. The goal is sanity (if that is even slightly possible), confusing your neighbors a little with the noises coming from your house, and having healthy children (no one says they have to be happy) and did you know it is OK and even slightly required to give them chores! ACK! YES! Your little ones can put their own laundry away, sweep the floor and clean up their own toys! Who knew! You sure as hell never saw the Brady kids cleaning nor the Cleaver kids. I'm just saying, at least in my house, that is 4 extra set of hand (for 8 hands in total) that can help do things around the house!
So grab a book, a glass of wine (or cup of coffee) and sit back while you watch your little ones trying to figure out the vacuum and how to fold a shirt just like mom! Ha never going to happen and the drawers might be a little messy....OK that last line was hard for me write, I despise messy drawers, cabinets, cupboards and closets! I also despise messy children, houses and everything else, but I have decided WTH, messy can be good, all those parenting experts agree...messy and dirty = higher tolerance to germs! Well bring on the germs, my children are immune!
Until the next Scribble......
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Vodka Reality Doesn't Suck
Everyone
tells you that divorce is liberating, kind of like the feeling you get when you
have held your pee in for a long time and finally get to the toilet and let it
out. The relief you feel is enormous and liberating. They tell you that you
will start over and you are so much better without him (or her), and that you
are finally free. No more fighting over who does the dishes, when in the end you know its going to be you. No longer being asked whose house is in that painting you just put on the wall. No idea....I didn't paint and no I don't know the artist. No more of going into the bathroom only to see that his clothes again did not make it INTO the hamper, just IN FRONT of it. I'd say no more toilet seat being left up, but I have two boys so I am luck if its up and NOT peed on before my tired butt plops down on to it and nearly falls in.
The
first few days, you think maybe they are right. Maybe there is something to
what they say. You can do this, you can live alone, raise your children on your
own and you can start over and life will be how you always pictured it. Vodka
induced pictures of the picture are a lot rosier than reality. Vodka allows you
to see a seaside cottage as your new house decorated with shabby chic furniture
and décor and the kids cheerfully playing on the beach while you sit in your
lounge chair, vodka and Kindle in hand relaxing away your worries.
Reality
paints a whole different scenario, one you can’t change with another glass of
Vodka and cranberry juice. In reality’s picture you are being woke up by your
five year old toddler at 5 am in the morning wanting to get ready for school.
You are stumbling bleary eyed to the coffee pot stepping on the Thomas the
Train tracks your son didn’t pick up like you asked him to five hundred times.
As you get to the kitchen you realize you are out of coffee and there a no
clean towels for your little man’s shower. As you are drying him off with a
cotton tee-shirt and getting him ready for kindergarten you suddenly realize
that today is not a school day! It is Sunday and you should still be in bed.
That cute little cottage by the beach is actually a trailer in the country or
an apartment on the wrong side of the tracks, and the shabby chic décor is
thrown together pieces of furniture that have no rhyme or reason to it.
Relaxing, in reality is an impossibility or resembles something to crashing
into bed after an exhausting day of playing mommy and taking care of the house
and everything else. The children fighting, teasing and running around the
house trying to draw blood from one another, while leaving behind what I assume
would be the effects of a hurricane that had ripped through and then turned
back around and ripped through again, followed by an earthquake that tossed the
items around even more, for a finished look that makes you glad you don’t have
the shabby chic décor….
OK
so reality is not as bad as it sounds, but divorce is not as rosy as everyone
makes it out to be either. While you were married you lived comfortably, and by
comfortably I am not talking about a comfortable house in the posh part of town
with a maid and a butler, but life made sense, you had a routine, you had a
schedule that worked. Nothing seemed impossible. Marriage, however, is not as
great as it sounds either. You have to…ugh…compromise. Ugly word. Both have their ups and downs and their pros
and cons, but the only thing that makes it truly worth doing is, another glass
of Vodka and the simple fact that these children make it all worth the
sacrifices you have had make….of course there are the days you would take it
all back, redo it and pray to go back undo it all just for a little bit of quiet.
What the hell, it will be quiet enough when I am dead, right?
Until the next Scribble......
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
God's Time...
It has been a little while since my last post. Some days it seems like there is nothing to write about except the same things over and over. However, one of the reasons I started this blog was because I wanted to get back into writing, so I guess that means that I should post more often.
School takes a lot of my time and keeps me busy, as does having four children. Life seems a little hectic at times. I get frustrated that nothing seems to change and it really needs to change. I keep reminding myself, change comes because change is wanted, except that its not coming and I definitely want it. Trying to be patient and waiting for God's timing is frustrating. In general I am not a patient person and I want things to change now not tomorrow. I keep reminding myself that God knows the situation and he has a reason for his timing and for not allowing things to change now, however, it also makes me angry that he is allowing this situation to go on, that he is allowing my children to suffer, I could care less about me. Not to say that I don't care about me, I do, but my children are more important. It gets harder and harder to trust Him, and I find that I want to do things my way and in my time, but I know that won't work either.
So I need to trust more, listen better and pray. Although I see more hair pulling, frustrated tears and silent screaming coming as I work on the first three. 'Good things come to those who wait' well I am waiting...
Until the Next Scribble.....
School takes a lot of my time and keeps me busy, as does having four children. Life seems a little hectic at times. I get frustrated that nothing seems to change and it really needs to change. I keep reminding myself, change comes because change is wanted, except that its not coming and I definitely want it. Trying to be patient and waiting for God's timing is frustrating. In general I am not a patient person and I want things to change now not tomorrow. I keep reminding myself that God knows the situation and he has a reason for his timing and for not allowing things to change now, however, it also makes me angry that he is allowing this situation to go on, that he is allowing my children to suffer, I could care less about me. Not to say that I don't care about me, I do, but my children are more important. It gets harder and harder to trust Him, and I find that I want to do things my way and in my time, but I know that won't work either.
So I need to trust more, listen better and pray. Although I see more hair pulling, frustrated tears and silent screaming coming as I work on the first three. 'Good things come to those who wait' well I am waiting...
Until the Next Scribble.....
Monday, July 16, 2012
Forgiveness...(kind of long)
I am only human and as a human I make mistakes. Sometimes big ones, and sometimes not so big ones. However, no matter what I do wrong, God forgives me. So the question is, even when I think I have, but have not, why is it so hard to forgive someone.
Divorce is never easy, no matter how "friendly" you and your spouse try to make it. The truth of the matter is, that divorce should never be an option. My own husband once told me that, "there was a reason you go married in the first place and that reason is always there and it never goes away". Apparently, if it never goes away, you can push it aside and find someone else to replace your wife before you leave your marriage.
So much of me wants to be angry at him and cause him pain like he has done to me and our children. Children that he says matters to him and to whom I defend him to. I tell them he loves them, and honestly I believe that he does, his mind is just clouded to what should really matter in life. I tell them he would see them if he could, and part of me believes that too. My ex is not a horrible father, or he didn't start out that way. When A gets angry and says I need to find him a new dad to replace the one that doesn't call him back, that excludes them from his life and the one that doesn't love them like he used to, I tell him point blank that daddy loves him, he just lives so far away and day to day activities keep a person busy. What I don't tell him and what I want to tell all of them, is that your father is a jerk. He is a selfish, lousy, poor excuse for a man, pathetic, weak and sorry individual who put another woman, a moral-less, home-wrecking, father stealing, equally pathetic and weak individual above the needs of his family and the emotions of his children. That he is a lousy husband a terrible father and does not deserve the children he helped create and bring into this world. I want to hate him with everything that is in me. However, I don't. I don't hate him and I know that deep down that father, the one that loves these children unconditionally is there.
So what is the point of all this...simply that I need to forgive him for leaving our marriage, for putting some woman in the middle of our marriage. A woman who did not belong there. Who does not belong in the middle of our family. For she alone is standing in the way of my children having a father...and yes I need to forgive her too. However, I am human and that is going to take more time.
Everyone asks why I am angry at the other woman, more so than I am angry at my husband. Ex-husband, and the truth is I am angry at them both. However, it is not like she was innocent and didn't know this man was married. She knew. She chose to ignore it. She put herself in the middle of my marriage when she should have backed out. She should have dropped all contact with him. She caused my children unbearable pain by taking part in the break up of their family. She played the pathetic, helpless victim...something I won't do. She made the choice to break up what God brought together. While I realize that my husband was to blame as well and that he let this home-wrecker break up our family. So this is forgiveness that is going to be hard to come by, but I know that God will help. With God, I can forgive him and maybe one day her too.
I pray for him daily, and I pray for myself to be able to forgive him. I pray God's will for our lives and for our parenting relationship. I was not a perfect wife, and I knew that my own bitterness towards him played a huge part in our divorce. He wasn't the victim and he wasn't a perfect husband either...obviously. What I do know, is that a woman once willing to come between a marriage won't hesitate to do it again. I have also been asked if I would take him back if it was God's will...and the answer is I don't know. I used to say No automatically, and I find it hard to believe that after all the angry words, the years, and the bitterness and everything that has happened in the last 5 years...that God would even want that or Will it...then again he is God. If and ONLY if it were God's will...there is no humanly way for us to get back together, he doesn't want it and I don't either....after all, how would I trust him? I forgave him the first time...I couldn't the second time and now I am truly trying to work on it....for my own piece of mind.
Truly I don't think or believe this is what God wants. I know he wants me to forgive him, so each day I pray for him and for us as parents of the same 4 children. I pray that one day we can both let go of our anger, hatred and bitterness. On the days I backslide, I pray a flower pot falls on his head. Or another (yes another) blender gets thrown at him. Then I repent and ask God for forgiveness. If God can forgive me of all my transgressions, then I can certainly forgive my ex. Forgiveness is not about him, its about me. I don't want anything getting in the way of my relationship with God. Certainly not an ex-husband. So I continue to pray and I daily remind myself to forgive him.
I know this "scribble" was a little long...but it was important and I needed to get it out. Its been on my mind for awhile.
Until the next scribble.....
Divorce is never easy, no matter how "friendly" you and your spouse try to make it. The truth of the matter is, that divorce should never be an option. My own husband once told me that, "there was a reason you go married in the first place and that reason is always there and it never goes away". Apparently, if it never goes away, you can push it aside and find someone else to replace your wife before you leave your marriage.
So much of me wants to be angry at him and cause him pain like he has done to me and our children. Children that he says matters to him and to whom I defend him to. I tell them he loves them, and honestly I believe that he does, his mind is just clouded to what should really matter in life. I tell them he would see them if he could, and part of me believes that too. My ex is not a horrible father, or he didn't start out that way. When A gets angry and says I need to find him a new dad to replace the one that doesn't call him back, that excludes them from his life and the one that doesn't love them like he used to, I tell him point blank that daddy loves him, he just lives so far away and day to day activities keep a person busy. What I don't tell him and what I want to tell all of them, is that your father is a jerk. He is a selfish, lousy, poor excuse for a man, pathetic, weak and sorry individual who put another woman, a moral-less, home-wrecking, father stealing, equally pathetic and weak individual above the needs of his family and the emotions of his children. That he is a lousy husband a terrible father and does not deserve the children he helped create and bring into this world. I want to hate him with everything that is in me. However, I don't. I don't hate him and I know that deep down that father, the one that loves these children unconditionally is there.
So what is the point of all this...simply that I need to forgive him for leaving our marriage, for putting some woman in the middle of our marriage. A woman who did not belong there. Who does not belong in the middle of our family. For she alone is standing in the way of my children having a father...and yes I need to forgive her too. However, I am human and that is going to take more time.
Everyone asks why I am angry at the other woman, more so than I am angry at my husband. Ex-husband, and the truth is I am angry at them both. However, it is not like she was innocent and didn't know this man was married. She knew. She chose to ignore it. She put herself in the middle of my marriage when she should have backed out. She should have dropped all contact with him. She caused my children unbearable pain by taking part in the break up of their family. She played the pathetic, helpless victim...something I won't do. She made the choice to break up what God brought together. While I realize that my husband was to blame as well and that he let this home-wrecker break up our family. So this is forgiveness that is going to be hard to come by, but I know that God will help. With God, I can forgive him and maybe one day her too.
I pray for him daily, and I pray for myself to be able to forgive him. I pray God's will for our lives and for our parenting relationship. I was not a perfect wife, and I knew that my own bitterness towards him played a huge part in our divorce. He wasn't the victim and he wasn't a perfect husband either...obviously. What I do know, is that a woman once willing to come between a marriage won't hesitate to do it again. I have also been asked if I would take him back if it was God's will...and the answer is I don't know. I used to say No automatically, and I find it hard to believe that after all the angry words, the years, and the bitterness and everything that has happened in the last 5 years...that God would even want that or Will it...then again he is God. If and ONLY if it were God's will...there is no humanly way for us to get back together, he doesn't want it and I don't either....after all, how would I trust him? I forgave him the first time...I couldn't the second time and now I am truly trying to work on it....for my own piece of mind.
Truly I don't think or believe this is what God wants. I know he wants me to forgive him, so each day I pray for him and for us as parents of the same 4 children. I pray that one day we can both let go of our anger, hatred and bitterness. On the days I backslide, I pray a flower pot falls on his head. Or another (yes another) blender gets thrown at him. Then I repent and ask God for forgiveness. If God can forgive me of all my transgressions, then I can certainly forgive my ex. Forgiveness is not about him, its about me. I don't want anything getting in the way of my relationship with God. Certainly not an ex-husband. So I continue to pray and I daily remind myself to forgive him.
I know this "scribble" was a little long...but it was important and I needed to get it out. Its been on my mind for awhile.
Until the next scribble.....
Thursday, July 12, 2012
To Read or Not to Read....
So this morning, with my usually morning cup of a Java I ran into a blog a friend posted on Facebook, called Fifty Shades of No by Jill Savage. I have been on the fence regarding whether or not to read these books as everyone in every age bracket seems to be lining up to get them. I enjoy a good book as much as the next woman (or male) and a lot of the books I read have a sex scene or two in them, but these books are filled with nothing but pornography from what I can tell. Now as a single mom, I don't feel that I would be in anyway lusting after something that or someone that is not my husband, I am not married. However, the question remains do I really need to subject myself to this type of literature that even a few years ago would probably have not been on the shelf for the general public? Now when the next James Patterson novel comes out for the Alex Cross series.....
When I became a parent my husband-at-the-time and I agreed that the method of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do parenting was not how we wanted to raise our children. I fear I have back-slid on this a little and need to get back to it. Would I want my children to read these types of books? No. Jill had the right idea when she said that they lead us to unrealistic expectations of what we are suppose to look like, act like and to tell us that the immoral behavior of the characters are OK and we can behave this way and not suffer any consequences. It is time to get back to the saying: As For Me and My House We WILL Serve the Lord. I am not perfect and I sometimes do things that perhaps may not be in line with that statement, but God knows we are not perfect and he loves us anyway. Just as long as we try to live our lives God's way and keep our hearts and homes pure, we will be alright. I still have no idea the direction this blog is going to go, I only know I wanted to start getting back into writing and this was a way for me to do that.
I realize also that we can go overboard in what is right and good for our hearts and minds, but this is one book series I don't feel compelled to read, nor do I feel that we should be reading this kind of material. It is for everyone to decide what they are going to do, what they are going to read, and for me, I am with Jill Savage on this one, Fifty Shades of NO!
Until the next scribble....
When I became a parent my husband-at-the-time and I agreed that the method of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do parenting was not how we wanted to raise our children. I fear I have back-slid on this a little and need to get back to it. Would I want my children to read these types of books? No. Jill had the right idea when she said that they lead us to unrealistic expectations of what we are suppose to look like, act like and to tell us that the immoral behavior of the characters are OK and we can behave this way and not suffer any consequences. It is time to get back to the saying: As For Me and My House We WILL Serve the Lord. I am not perfect and I sometimes do things that perhaps may not be in line with that statement, but God knows we are not perfect and he loves us anyway. Just as long as we try to live our lives God's way and keep our hearts and homes pure, we will be alright. I still have no idea the direction this blog is going to go, I only know I wanted to start getting back into writing and this was a way for me to do that.
I realize also that we can go overboard in what is right and good for our hearts and minds, but this is one book series I don't feel compelled to read, nor do I feel that we should be reading this kind of material. It is for everyone to decide what they are going to do, what they are going to read, and for me, I am with Jill Savage on this one, Fifty Shades of NO!
Until the next scribble....
Friday, June 29, 2012
It's been awhile...
...since I have last posted and thought I should put something up here for you all to read. Life has been somewhat crazy with 4 kids at home full time. With school and trying to keep the entertained, its a lot of work.
I have testing for a job with the county on the 18th and I am really hoping I get this job. I am praying and believing that this job is mine. I am thanking God everyday for this job and I know if it is the right one, it will be mine. God knows our situations, even when we don't think he is paying attention. He knows we are struggling and hurting and that we need change in our life. It is hard, extremely hard, to have faith when all you want to do is give up. Everything seems hopeless and nothing seems like it will ever be the same again.
God has given me a lot of insight into my thinking that have opened my eyes lately. I have probably mentioned some of them in this blog, but he keeps reminding me of them. So today, I am making a new plan for my life and a new schedule for our lives as a family. I need to give it all up to God and trust that he will provide what we need. He is truly a faithful God, if we give him the chance to be. I struggle daily to remind myself that He is there for me and that He is the only one I need to look up to and have faith in.
We have to remind ourselves that these hopeless feelings, these negative thoughts, the lies that nothing will ever be right again, are NOT from God, but they are from Satan, who doesn't want us to prosper, who wants to fail at all costs. God does, but he does require that we have faith.
Until the next scribble.....
I have testing for a job with the county on the 18th and I am really hoping I get this job. I am praying and believing that this job is mine. I am thanking God everyday for this job and I know if it is the right one, it will be mine. God knows our situations, even when we don't think he is paying attention. He knows we are struggling and hurting and that we need change in our life. It is hard, extremely hard, to have faith when all you want to do is give up. Everything seems hopeless and nothing seems like it will ever be the same again.
God has given me a lot of insight into my thinking that have opened my eyes lately. I have probably mentioned some of them in this blog, but he keeps reminding me of them. So today, I am making a new plan for my life and a new schedule for our lives as a family. I need to give it all up to God and trust that he will provide what we need. He is truly a faithful God, if we give him the chance to be. I struggle daily to remind myself that He is there for me and that He is the only one I need to look up to and have faith in.
We have to remind ourselves that these hopeless feelings, these negative thoughts, the lies that nothing will ever be right again, are NOT from God, but they are from Satan, who doesn't want us to prosper, who wants to fail at all costs. God does, but he does require that we have faith.
Until the next scribble.....
Friday, June 8, 2012
Parenting Ethics 101
Has anyone seen the television show, 2 Broke Girls? This show is filled with truly sarcastic, usually inappropriate jokes that are not appropriate for children, who likely would not get the adult content hidden in the jokes the girls make.
While I was watching yesterday I realized that when A was a baby and I was worried he had not gained enough weight in his first year of parenting, I should have been worried that he had gained too much weight and should have put him on a diet!! Seriously! Max, (one of the main characters) babysits for a wanna be social butterfly, who has twins. Mom tells Max that Angelina (The genius of a mom, named her twins, Brad and Angelina), had gained a ghastly amount of weight in a year! A whopping 23 pounds! How dare she! Then again K gained 30 pounds her first year! ACK! The chubby little thing...now I realize that this whole time I was wrong! I should have bought fat free formula! She gained way too much weight!
So Max mentions her friend who needs someone to take her horse, and Max had told Genius Mom that this friend washer AA sponsor! Whoa! Now if this were me, before my parenting eyes had been opened, I would have stopped what I was doing and looked for a new sitter, but no!! This is wrong, obviously I should have kept the alcoholic sitter, to show that I was supporting the underprivileged and poverty stricken alcoholics to look better to my "peeps". Truly the show was an eye opening experience into what I had been doing wrong.
So a note to parents, 19 pounds is too much weight, Alcoholics make terrific babysitters and naming your children after a home wrecker and a cheater are the way to go to make it in society! No fat babies! That is just ghastly and wrong!
Just sayin....
Until the next scribble....
While I was watching yesterday I realized that when A was a baby and I was worried he had not gained enough weight in his first year of parenting, I should have been worried that he had gained too much weight and should have put him on a diet!! Seriously! Max, (one of the main characters) babysits for a wanna be social butterfly, who has twins. Mom tells Max that Angelina (The genius of a mom, named her twins, Brad and Angelina), had gained a ghastly amount of weight in a year! A whopping 23 pounds! How dare she! Then again K gained 30 pounds her first year! ACK! The chubby little thing...now I realize that this whole time I was wrong! I should have bought fat free formula! She gained way too much weight!
So Max mentions her friend who needs someone to take her horse, and Max had told Genius Mom that this friend washer AA sponsor! Whoa! Now if this were me, before my parenting eyes had been opened, I would have stopped what I was doing and looked for a new sitter, but no!! This is wrong, obviously I should have kept the alcoholic sitter, to show that I was supporting the underprivileged and poverty stricken alcoholics to look better to my "peeps". Truly the show was an eye opening experience into what I had been doing wrong.
So a note to parents, 19 pounds is too much weight, Alcoholics make terrific babysitters and naming your children after a home wrecker and a cheater are the way to go to make it in society! No fat babies! That is just ghastly and wrong!
Just sayin....
Until the next scribble....
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
The Next Chapter & K's Big Night
Tonight K graduates from the 8th grade! It amazes me how fast the time has flown. One day she was being born and life had changed considerably, the next day she was walking, talking and wanting to be a princess. The following day brought Kindergarten and a whole new world of wonders with her. She was beginning to become K, not just mommy and daddy's Bug. Her personality was becoming more and more clear, and now our little princess is graduating middle school and headed to high school. As I am sad that she is no longer my little girl and doesn't need me nearly as much as she used to, I am proud of who she is becoming (though her grades could be better and her style of dress could improve a bit ☻) but all in all she is my little girl.
I miss the days of needing to hold Mommy's hand, watching them play with their toys and just being toddlers. (Don't miss the not sleeping through the night and the diapers..OOO definitely do not miss those) Even M, the baby of the family, is entering kindergarten and starting on his path to learning who he is and who he will become
I have entered a new phase of life, where I will no longer have children at home during the day. WHAT!?! You mean I can go to the grocery store and not have little ones tagging along?!? I wonder what that is like? I can clean the house in the morning and it will stay that way most of the day!? Interesting! I won't have a little one following me around, looking for something to do or going "Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY! This will be a completely new experience for me; one that at the same time as I am dreading it, I am looking forward to it. It means life is still moving on, they are still growing, still dreaming and still needing me (even if they don't always admit it) Who knows what the future holds for all of us. Only God knows. Only He knows what He has in store for us. For without Him, we have nothing. Even if we don't realize it, He is the way, the truth and the light. He is the holder of our futures.
So while I don't know what the future has in store for my family, I am looking forward to finding out and learning about the next chapters in our lives. They are yet to be written in the pages of history. Only planned out and not delivered to us until God decides it is time.
The only truly sad thing, the one thing that makes me sad for my children is that their dad, is missing out on all of it. I am truly heartbroken when I think of all that he has missed, is missing and will miss in the future. Our children are truly amazing individuals. They have grown into wonderful people. With all the frustration, missing shoes, fighting, arguing, hair pulling, barbie stealing and annoyances, not a day of it has not been worth the amazement, the wonder, the smiles, hugs, kisses, love yous, artwork, family movie nights or all the joy they bring to my life. I truly love these 4 little monsters God has given me.
Until the next scribble...
I miss the days of needing to hold Mommy's hand, watching them play with their toys and just being toddlers. (Don't miss the not sleeping through the night and the diapers..OOO definitely do not miss those) Even M, the baby of the family, is entering kindergarten and starting on his path to learning who he is and who he will become
I have entered a new phase of life, where I will no longer have children at home during the day. WHAT!?! You mean I can go to the grocery store and not have little ones tagging along?!? I wonder what that is like? I can clean the house in the morning and it will stay that way most of the day!? Interesting! I won't have a little one following me around, looking for something to do or going "Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY! This will be a completely new experience for me; one that at the same time as I am dreading it, I am looking forward to it. It means life is still moving on, they are still growing, still dreaming and still needing me (even if they don't always admit it) Who knows what the future holds for all of us. Only God knows. Only He knows what He has in store for us. For without Him, we have nothing. Even if we don't realize it, He is the way, the truth and the light. He is the holder of our futures.
So while I don't know what the future has in store for my family, I am looking forward to finding out and learning about the next chapters in our lives. They are yet to be written in the pages of history. Only planned out and not delivered to us until God decides it is time.
The only truly sad thing, the one thing that makes me sad for my children is that their dad, is missing out on all of it. I am truly heartbroken when I think of all that he has missed, is missing and will miss in the future. Our children are truly amazing individuals. They have grown into wonderful people. With all the frustration, missing shoes, fighting, arguing, hair pulling, barbie stealing and annoyances, not a day of it has not been worth the amazement, the wonder, the smiles, hugs, kisses, love yous, artwork, family movie nights or all the joy they bring to my life. I truly love these 4 little monsters God has given me.
Until the next scribble...
Monday, June 4, 2012
New Look...New Name
So this morning during my first cup of coffee, I change the name and the look of the blog. As entertaining as the previous name was, Scribbles On The Wall is better suited, I feel (and since its my blog, I can change it) this is a much better name for the blog I have been writing and the future blogs I plan to write.
I was reading a book and my bible this morning and it hit me that while every post does not need to be God related, that He should be the focus of our lives more. This new title does not reflect anyone topic other than the lives of my children and I.
Until the next scribble....(see I even changed the ending tag line a bit to coincide with the new title!)
I was reading a book and my bible this morning and it hit me that while every post does not need to be God related, that He should be the focus of our lives more. This new title does not reflect anyone topic other than the lives of my children and I.
Until the next scribble....(see I even changed the ending tag line a bit to coincide with the new title!)
Friday, June 1, 2012
Book Club idea/Coffee Pages Updated
So, as I was updating the Coffee Pages page, I got to thinking that it would be nice to have a book club. I have a few emails and facebook posts that I get with free Books for the Kindle. I thought that these books would be a great start for starting a book club with.
The Basic Idea:
I will pick the book (I will take suggestions), and post it on the Coffee Pages page of this blog. I can also post a blog on the main page about it. As we are reading we can discuss the book, either here on the blog or I can create a facebook page for it.
We will choose one book per month. Non-kindle users would have to buy the book, or download the Kindle app for their phones, (which I am told is free and you don't have to have a Kindle to download it.
Hence the name Coffee Pages, I will also post a coffee of the month from Starbucks...(Everywhere has one of those (well OK except Oroville, but we have one close) that will be the flavor of the month to go along with our reading. If you don't drink coffee that is OK, its not like I am making you drink it, nor am I making you go to Starbucks, (though everyone should go to Starbucks and love coffee! IMO)
Now this means you have to subscribe to the blog so you can comment on this blog and let me know if any of you out there thinks this a good idea. It is just an idea, so if no one wants to participate, I will just continue drinking my Starbucks (or Good Earth) coffee and reading my books on my own.
Until next time.....
The Basic Idea:
I will pick the book (I will take suggestions), and post it on the Coffee Pages page of this blog. I can also post a blog on the main page about it. As we are reading we can discuss the book, either here on the blog or I can create a facebook page for it.
We will choose one book per month. Non-kindle users would have to buy the book, or download the Kindle app for their phones, (which I am told is free and you don't have to have a Kindle to download it.
Hence the name Coffee Pages, I will also post a coffee of the month from Starbucks...(Everywhere has one of those (well OK except Oroville, but we have one close) that will be the flavor of the month to go along with our reading. If you don't drink coffee that is OK, its not like I am making you drink it, nor am I making you go to Starbucks, (though everyone should go to Starbucks and love coffee! IMO)
Now this means you have to subscribe to the blog so you can comment on this blog and let me know if any of you out there thinks this a good idea. It is just an idea, so if no one wants to participate, I will just continue drinking my Starbucks (or Good Earth) coffee and reading my books on my own.
Until next time.....
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
To Steve...
Now keep in mind it has taken me a long time to be able to say this and mean it. It does not mean that I condone is attitude or current behavior, however, this song is definitely for my ex-husband. Here is why:
He did stand by me for many of the years that we were married. I am the person I am today because (and some in spite of) of him. When I needed him to be, he was there, he was my strength. While he may hate me now, he is the one for many years who did believe in me.
When I was in the hospital he was there for me. He stood by side and he did what was needed to be done. He got someone to watch the kids and make sure they were taken care of.
While we may not see eye to eye on anything any more, we did while we were married. We never went to bed mad...(at least not until the end) and he was the best part of me for a long time. He gave me 4 beautiful and amazing children. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful to him for that. Life today would be completely different had he not been apart of my life.
The person he has become aside, he was an amazing father while he cared to be one, he was a great husband (and I admit a lot of the time I never paid attention). Hindsight really is 20/20. I do believe that God put us together, but neither of us really knew what to do when the going got tough, and with my stubborness and temper, I am sure it was not easy to get my attention. Life got in the way and that was both our faults not just his. He and I will be the only two who truly knew how great our marriage was for awhile. Had we trusted in God and had the faith of a mustard seed, who knows where we would be today. So while I do put a lot of blame on his shoulders, I do know that there is some I need to take too.
This song always makes me think of him. I can at least be thankful he most likely does not read my blog or even know it exists, so he won't see how sappy and nice I can be.
Betcha didn't see this coming when you all read the title did you.... :)
Until next time...
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Coffee Shop Blog...
There is something about sitting in a coffee shop that makes me want to write, whether it be my blog, or just in general. I simply enjoy sitting here, drinking my coffee and writing. It's also fun to watch the people that come in and sit and conversate.
There is a mix of people, old, young, couples, people by themselves and students. People working on their laptops or reading on their kindles or even just talking. The environment of The Good Earth (my fave coffee shop) is calming, inviting and allows you to relax. It just seems natural for the creativity to flow.
What is your favorite place to relax? (I expect comments lol, I know you people are reading :D) At the coffee shop I don't have kids running around, asking me to find their clarinet, shoes, toys or whatever else tends to be missing at the moment. Seriously I could live here and be quite simply happy.
Have you ever sat in your coffee shop and wondered what possess people to wear what they do? Call me vain, but I don't leave the house in my pajamas (unless I know 100% I am NOT getting out of my car) and I brush my hair, put my makeup on and wear clean clothes. What's with the ratty, holy, tank tops that are so stretched out, they are not holding anything in and the shorts that unless you are a size 00 you should never consider walking out of the house in? What happened to dressing for your size? I'm not a size 00 or even a size 10, and I don't wear short shorts, shirts that don't completely cover me up, in fact I am looking for clothes that hide the flabby parts (gotta love having kids) not completely show them off. I'm just saying...dress for your size and everyone is happy and you look better.
And make up....wasn't the concept suppose to be to look natural or at least to enhance your facial features? The eye makes some of these people are wearing is scary, I mean clowns would back away! I am here to tell you all right now, if you take one thing away from this blog today....Yellow eyeshadow does NOTHING, I mean it, NOTHING for anyone! It looks horrible. Your makeup should enhance not take over, it should cover, not be painted on with a trowel!! Don't even get me started on the "Goth" or "Emo" looks, because quite simply those are scary not attractive...just sayin!
OK enough on the people watching tirade,
Summer is coming and I hope you all enjoy it! I plan too...somehow! :) I want it to fly by, not crawl at the speed of a turtle taking a sleeping pill....just sayin...
Until next time.....
There is a mix of people, old, young, couples, people by themselves and students. People working on their laptops or reading on their kindles or even just talking. The environment of The Good Earth (my fave coffee shop) is calming, inviting and allows you to relax. It just seems natural for the creativity to flow.
What is your favorite place to relax? (I expect comments lol, I know you people are reading :D) At the coffee shop I don't have kids running around, asking me to find their clarinet, shoes, toys or whatever else tends to be missing at the moment. Seriously I could live here and be quite simply happy.
Have you ever sat in your coffee shop and wondered what possess people to wear what they do? Call me vain, but I don't leave the house in my pajamas (unless I know 100% I am NOT getting out of my car) and I brush my hair, put my makeup on and wear clean clothes. What's with the ratty, holy, tank tops that are so stretched out, they are not holding anything in and the shorts that unless you are a size 00 you should never consider walking out of the house in? What happened to dressing for your size? I'm not a size 00 or even a size 10, and I don't wear short shorts, shirts that don't completely cover me up, in fact I am looking for clothes that hide the flabby parts (gotta love having kids) not completely show them off. I'm just saying...dress for your size and everyone is happy and you look better.
And make up....wasn't the concept suppose to be to look natural or at least to enhance your facial features? The eye makes some of these people are wearing is scary, I mean clowns would back away! I am here to tell you all right now, if you take one thing away from this blog today....Yellow eyeshadow does NOTHING, I mean it, NOTHING for anyone! It looks horrible. Your makeup should enhance not take over, it should cover, not be painted on with a trowel!! Don't even get me started on the "Goth" or "Emo" looks, because quite simply those are scary not attractive...just sayin!
OK enough on the people watching tirade,
Summer is coming and I hope you all enjoy it! I plan too...somehow! :) I want it to fly by, not crawl at the speed of a turtle taking a sleeping pill....just sayin...
Until next time.....
Friday, May 25, 2012
A Single Mom Friday Night
Friday night. The end of the week and the day to unwind after such a long week. When your single its party night, when your married it might be date night, but when you are single with children there is a whole new theory to Friday night.
It begins (or at least tonight it did) at about 7pm. I had a date with two very handsome men and a little princess (OK she's not so little but I'm not ready to admit and she's not ready to give up the barbies soo..). We had a drink of milk and a pancake dinner while watching the very thrilling and suspenseful movie, Rio. Did I shave my legs for this? No, but it needed to be done.
The night ended with my 3 dates falling asleep and I tending to the bathroom clean up and putting the laundry away. Friday night scrub-the-toilet-night, and in bed by 10:30.
So here I sit in my pajamas (like I have been all night) my glamorous ponytail hairdo, no makeup and in bed yawning. We call this Family Date Night. The weekdays are full of school, activities, errands, school for mom, homework, cleaning and the myriad of things that are involved when you are raising four children on your own.
I could be single without kids, go to the club, hook up (that is still what they call it right?!) and get drunk, while waking up in the morning trying to figure out who's house I am at, how I got there and exactly how much did I drink last night? I could be wearing a mini skirt(well we are in fantasy land right), 6 inch heels and a halter top, make up and hair done and looking dressed to kill (probably myself in the 6 inch heels). I truly think I got the better end of the deal (minus the toilet scrubbing, that kind of sucks).
So Cheers and Happy Friday (and 3 day weekend for Kids who are in school) to you all.
Until next time.....
It begins (or at least tonight it did) at about 7pm. I had a date with two very handsome men and a little princess (OK she's not so little but I'm not ready to admit and she's not ready to give up the barbies soo..). We had a drink of milk and a pancake dinner while watching the very thrilling and suspenseful movie, Rio. Did I shave my legs for this? No, but it needed to be done.
The night ended with my 3 dates falling asleep and I tending to the bathroom clean up and putting the laundry away. Friday night scrub-the-toilet-night, and in bed by 10:30.
So here I sit in my pajamas (like I have been all night) my glamorous ponytail hairdo, no makeup and in bed yawning. We call this Family Date Night. The weekdays are full of school, activities, errands, school for mom, homework, cleaning and the myriad of things that are involved when you are raising four children on your own.
I could be single without kids, go to the club, hook up (that is still what they call it right?!) and get drunk, while waking up in the morning trying to figure out who's house I am at, how I got there and exactly how much did I drink last night? I could be wearing a mini skirt(well we are in fantasy land right), 6 inch heels and a halter top, make up and hair done and looking dressed to kill (probably myself in the 6 inch heels). I truly think I got the better end of the deal (minus the toilet scrubbing, that kind of sucks).
So Cheers and Happy Friday (and 3 day weekend for Kids who are in school) to you all.
Until next time.....
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Will the Real YOU Please Stand Up.....
Everyday we make choices. We make plans based on the choices we have made. We get married, have children, follow a career path and these are choices we made. Some choices we had no part of, like being born, or who our parents are. These are choices made by other people that directly affect our lives, but we never think about the choices others have made for us.
We choose the paths we end up following and we only truly have ourselves to blame when the pieces don't fit anymore. Sure, we can't plan for the choices others make and that impact the course of our lives, but we can think more carefully about the choices we make in the future. The future is an unwritten story, one that we can write the ending to just by making better choices. The past can not be undone, but the future has yet to be written and therefore offers a bit of hope.
Who do you want to be from this moment on? Are you defined by your roles in life or the choices you have made? The regrets of the past need to be buried in order to move on. No one truly cares about what you do, but they do care about how what you do or where you end up affects them. What about wishes and wanting something you only THINK you want? There is a saying we all need to pay more attention to: "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it." I may have even said it in this blog before.
Is who you are working for you? If not, then let me tell you something you should already know, you need to change. I don't mean recreate yourself or change who you are, you need to start being who you really are. The real you is the one that needs to be shown to the world. Yet we hide who we are to protect ourselves. We play roles that we think we are suppose to play because that is what our families or society tells us is right. Its time to fight for what really matters: You!
We started being this facade of ourselves about the time we could comprehend what was expected from us. Who is the real you? The one you hide from the world in your journal or behind a wall that is so thick a jackhammer would have a hard time penetrating it. Who are you hiding yourself from? The one person you can't hide from is yourself and how can you look in the mirror when what looks back at you is a stranger?
Until next time....
We choose the paths we end up following and we only truly have ourselves to blame when the pieces don't fit anymore. Sure, we can't plan for the choices others make and that impact the course of our lives, but we can think more carefully about the choices we make in the future. The future is an unwritten story, one that we can write the ending to just by making better choices. The past can not be undone, but the future has yet to be written and therefore offers a bit of hope.
Who do you want to be from this moment on? Are you defined by your roles in life or the choices you have made? The regrets of the past need to be buried in order to move on. No one truly cares about what you do, but they do care about how what you do or where you end up affects them. What about wishes and wanting something you only THINK you want? There is a saying we all need to pay more attention to: "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it." I may have even said it in this blog before.
Is who you are working for you? If not, then let me tell you something you should already know, you need to change. I don't mean recreate yourself or change who you are, you need to start being who you really are. The real you is the one that needs to be shown to the world. Yet we hide who we are to protect ourselves. We play roles that we think we are suppose to play because that is what our families or society tells us is right. Its time to fight for what really matters: You!
We started being this facade of ourselves about the time we could comprehend what was expected from us. Who is the real you? The one you hide from the world in your journal or behind a wall that is so thick a jackhammer would have a hard time penetrating it. Who are you hiding yourself from? The one person you can't hide from is yourself and how can you look in the mirror when what looks back at you is a stranger?
Until next time....
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
You said what?!?
At the grocery store yesterday, I overhear a guy talking on
his phone, (and you say we girls talk a lot), saying he doesn’t understand how
on earth his wife could possibly think that her staying home with the kids all
day is harder than going to work all day. The poor baby has to go to work every
day and even on the weekends sometimes. Oh and he has a boss to deal with, and
deadlines (Oh my), and he has actual work to do! How he would love to babysit
(WHAT?! Babysit your own kids?!) all day and get to stay in his pajamas all day
if he chooses (hey buddy even Peg Bundy got dressed). Hell half the time he is
not sure she even brushes her teeth (are you kidding me, leave her!). Motherhood, he states, the job of women who
are lazy and lack ambition, seriously, (You’re not seriously wondering why you
don’t get sex often anymore are you buddy??).
How hard can it be, he tells his friend, to wipe up spilled cheerios and
watch TV all gosh darn day?
With the amount of respect he so obviiiiiously has for his
wife, I can’t figure out my reluctance to take that road again! I want to smack
him for his wife and save her the domestic dispute and spousal abuse charges,
Mr. Sunshine would obviously charge her with.
Only about a million responses immediately flew to my head!
Lazy and lack ambition? OK I have heard that before, but to say it about your
own wife? The woman, who carried YOUR child for 9 months, gave birth and now
gives up her career to be a mom to the child you two created? Oh buddy I would
run! She must be a saint or blind!
How do you think your laundry gets done? What about the
clean house to and who do you think cooks your dinner? Unless, and I highly
doubt it, you have a maid, a cook and a laundry service your baby sitter did
all that! Do you think little magic fairies arrive when you leave and *POOF*
everything is magically done at the wave of a wand or twitch of a nose? (Oh how
we all wish we could be Samantha Stevens)
So, to the overworked, probably under paid and absolute ray
of sunshine, in the store, get a clue moron! We have bosses too, they just come
in smaller packages, wear diapers, throw bottles at us and puke all over us
daily, OR they come in the package of a demon possessed teenager who only
knows, “I hate you”, “you ruined my life” or some other adorable explanation
like that. They dictate our daily schedules 24/7, at least you get to leave
your boss at the office ours climbs in our bed at night when they have a
nightmare!
We once had figures that looked like a figure, we had time
on our hands to do what we wanted and go where we want, now it’s about ballet,
baseball and PTA! Don’t get me started
on deadlines! With our bosses it is now, Now, NOW or wham, bottle in the head
because NOW was not soon enough!
We do your laundry, clean your house, raise your children,
go to PTA meetings, ballet class, pick
up the cheerios off the floor, cook dinner,
pick up the toys, tuck them in to bed, does your boss need you to tuck
them into bed? (Second thought, they better not!), we run your errands, go to
the grocery store, listen to Barney or Dora the Explorer (or in the case of the
demon possessed teenager strange music that sounds strangely enough like Satan
yelling into a Mic!), and when we actually do try to have sex, a kid wakes up!
Nothing in our lives is the same anymore, nor would we give up one second of
it, but hey let’s trade for a day and see who is crying by the end of the day!
It won’t be Mom (well until she sees all the work you didn’t get done because
you couldn’t figure out how to run the washer and dryer, or turn the vacuum on
or know what the word cleaning actually meant!) Just sayin….
Until next time....
Sunday, May 13, 2012
♥Happy Mother's Day ♥
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms who read this. Being a mom is a lot of hard work, frustration (I mean who wouldn't be frustrated by blue painted footprints on their carpet?), tears (I just cleaned those window!) and prayers (Lord please help me make it through today without strangling this demon that has taken over my sweet baby! Help me to remember that I love her/him Amen). Whether you are a single mom or are in a relationship, there is so much about motherhood that makes us wonder sometimes what on earth we were thinking (usually about the time the legos start flying and the fighting over whose turn it is on the computer). No sane person would put themselves through this.
Today I was reminded how special our children are and how much they truly need us, even when they say they don't. We all want to run away, and some mom's do (the ones whose needs and selfish behavior out weigh their sense of what is right), but for those of us that don't, it's not because we are superwoman or because we have some special knack for raising children, we are just as in the dark about what to do as the next mom. We don't because we love our children and their health and well being are what we are about.
Our situation sucks right now and it is definitely not where I thought I would be 15 years ago when I was getting married. It's not where I had planned to be, where I want to be or where I plan to stay. No I am not talking about the physical place we are, I am talking about the situation. I am thankful for what we do have and I thank God everyday for the blessings we have, that we may not see when we are frustrated. Regardless of how hard it seems to get up everyone morning, I do, because of K, A, S, & M. They are the 4 reasons for everything I do. They are why I get up in the morning, fight the battles with them that I do, and smile while drinking my coffee in the morning. I know it can be worse than it is and there are people out there that have it worse than I do, but it's not a reason to run away or give up, for me its a reason to fight harder.
Mother's Day is a day to remember the greatest gifts we have been given (No not your amazing eyes or tiny waist). Our children. Without them we would not even have a reason to celebrate today. We of course have our moms, and nothing I don't think, makes us appreciate them more than when we have our own children. So go hug your babies and kiss them good night. Tuck them in, read them a story (I already did) and just enjoy your babies.
Every day as a mom is hard work. It's pure agony, frustration, anger with a lot of joy, happiness, love, awe, and wonder thrown in. The good always out weighs the bad and that sleepy little hug in the morning (you know the one you used to get but was lost amidst the teenage demon that has possessed your sweet little baby), is worth all the bad that comes with being a mom. Really its not bad either, its a learning process. We are all learning as we go. We make some mistakes, (Sorry K, I learned most of them with you) and we learn from them.
No one can make anything see better than Mom (except that first sip of Starbucks Caramel Macchiato in the morning) or hot cocoa!
I would not miss any of this for being single and childless. I will settle happily for being single with children!
Today I was reminded how special our children are and how much they truly need us, even when they say they don't. We all want to run away, and some mom's do (the ones whose needs and selfish behavior out weigh their sense of what is right), but for those of us that don't, it's not because we are superwoman or because we have some special knack for raising children, we are just as in the dark about what to do as the next mom. We don't because we love our children and their health and well being are what we are about.
Our situation sucks right now and it is definitely not where I thought I would be 15 years ago when I was getting married. It's not where I had planned to be, where I want to be or where I plan to stay. No I am not talking about the physical place we are, I am talking about the situation. I am thankful for what we do have and I thank God everyday for the blessings we have, that we may not see when we are frustrated. Regardless of how hard it seems to get up everyone morning, I do, because of K, A, S, & M. They are the 4 reasons for everything I do. They are why I get up in the morning, fight the battles with them that I do, and smile while drinking my coffee in the morning. I know it can be worse than it is and there are people out there that have it worse than I do, but it's not a reason to run away or give up, for me its a reason to fight harder.
Mother's Day is a day to remember the greatest gifts we have been given (No not your amazing eyes or tiny waist). Our children. Without them we would not even have a reason to celebrate today. We of course have our moms, and nothing I don't think, makes us appreciate them more than when we have our own children. So go hug your babies and kiss them good night. Tuck them in, read them a story (I already did) and just enjoy your babies.
Every day as a mom is hard work. It's pure agony, frustration, anger with a lot of joy, happiness, love, awe, and wonder thrown in. The good always out weighs the bad and that sleepy little hug in the morning (you know the one you used to get but was lost amidst the teenage demon that has possessed your sweet little baby), is worth all the bad that comes with being a mom. Really its not bad either, its a learning process. We are all learning as we go. We make some mistakes, (Sorry K, I learned most of them with you) and we learn from them.
No one can make anything see better than Mom (except that first sip of Starbucks Caramel Macchiato in the morning) or hot cocoa!
I would not miss any of this for being single and childless. I will settle happily for being single with children!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥Happy Mother's Day to us ALL!♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Friday, May 11, 2012
Girls Be Girls, Guys be Guy...
Why do people have to lie? Why do they think that they need to lie to you for you to like them? I don't understand this concept. I don't need you to like what I like, want to be in the field I want to be in, or say what you think I want you to say.
Why do people feel the need to make you feel small (or at least attempt to), while making themselves out to be perfect? Why does one need to feel bigger and better than someone? This is a concept I also don't understand.
Ok girls (and I am sure you guys out there can benefit, but I can only write from the perspective of a girl), if a guy you like or that likes you, puts you down, lies to you, trys to impress you by living their life the way you do, or tells you that the world is against them and they are all lying, if the facts don't add up to what they are telling you, and if the persona they are putting off contradicts their inate personality, move on. Find someone else, because this will inevitably be ycome your life. We don't want to hear that you are stronger than everyone in the world (hello your not), we don't want to hear that you no one can kick your ass, (someone can).
I don't like aggressive men, however, I do like someone who can handle themselves if need be. I don't like men who say what I want to hear, trying to keep the peace. Please tell me the way it is, don't hold in like a little girl trying to play nice, let me have it. I may not like it, but I will repsect you in the long run.
Call me names, I'm calling my dad (after all what are dad's for). I don't need to hear that I need therapy or you think I am nuts, when in truth your insane. Don't be an ass, because we ladies don't like it.
I like men that are educated, (not to stereotype or generalize) I am not into cowboys or self-proclaimed rednecks. If you have an education, use it. Plain an simple. One thing girls like is to be able to depend on the person they are going to be with. If you are not dependable in EVERY area, we don't need you.
Girls, (yes I am talking to you again), if you want a guy to treat you like a lady, give up the men and women are equal crap. Yes we are equal in that a guy is not better than a woman, a woman is not better than a guy, etc... etc... If you want to take the stand of equality and Women's rights, then don't be surprised when guy treats you like a guy and hits you. IF you talk like a guy, act like a guys, then be able to take a hit like a guy. (no I am absolutely not condoning spousal abuse or abuse of any kind). You can cry fowl, when you are being treated as an equal to a guy. If he hits you, you are more than entitled to hit back (why do you think God gave us marble rolling pins and cast iron skillets to keep in our kitchens?). Maybe this is a little harsh, and maybe its not. I am not saying wear dresses, stay at home with the kids or become June Cleaver, I am saying, just be a lady.
Guys, get a clue. We don't want a caveman. We want someone to love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, take care of us when we need it, support us always, tell us when we are being ignorant, stand up to us when the situation calls for it, kick the ass of anyone who needs it, (but don't be aggressive on a daily basis). We want you to be honest, loyal and like our children. We want you to not be a deadbeat, to not lie to us, not put us down, not call us names (we don't like the bully), and don't make yourself out to be god.) Be a shoulder to cry on, should we need it, be the rock in our lives and the place we want to be always. If you do that, we will do the same. Simple. You act like a jerk, we will too. Just saying!
OK this post is long enough....
Until next time......
Why do people feel the need to make you feel small (or at least attempt to), while making themselves out to be perfect? Why does one need to feel bigger and better than someone? This is a concept I also don't understand.
Ok girls (and I am sure you guys out there can benefit, but I can only write from the perspective of a girl), if a guy you like or that likes you, puts you down, lies to you, trys to impress you by living their life the way you do, or tells you that the world is against them and they are all lying, if the facts don't add up to what they are telling you, and if the persona they are putting off contradicts their inate personality, move on. Find someone else, because this will inevitably be ycome your life. We don't want to hear that you are stronger than everyone in the world (hello your not), we don't want to hear that you no one can kick your ass, (someone can).
I don't like aggressive men, however, I do like someone who can handle themselves if need be. I don't like men who say what I want to hear, trying to keep the peace. Please tell me the way it is, don't hold in like a little girl trying to play nice, let me have it. I may not like it, but I will repsect you in the long run.
Call me names, I'm calling my dad (after all what are dad's for). I don't need to hear that I need therapy or you think I am nuts, when in truth your insane. Don't be an ass, because we ladies don't like it.
I like men that are educated, (not to stereotype or generalize) I am not into cowboys or self-proclaimed rednecks. If you have an education, use it. Plain an simple. One thing girls like is to be able to depend on the person they are going to be with. If you are not dependable in EVERY area, we don't need you.
Girls, (yes I am talking to you again), if you want a guy to treat you like a lady, give up the men and women are equal crap. Yes we are equal in that a guy is not better than a woman, a woman is not better than a guy, etc... etc... If you want to take the stand of equality and Women's rights, then don't be surprised when guy treats you like a guy and hits you. IF you talk like a guy, act like a guys, then be able to take a hit like a guy. (no I am absolutely not condoning spousal abuse or abuse of any kind). You can cry fowl, when you are being treated as an equal to a guy. If he hits you, you are more than entitled to hit back (why do you think God gave us marble rolling pins and cast iron skillets to keep in our kitchens?). Maybe this is a little harsh, and maybe its not. I am not saying wear dresses, stay at home with the kids or become June Cleaver, I am saying, just be a lady.
Guys, get a clue. We don't want a caveman. We want someone to love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, take care of us when we need it, support us always, tell us when we are being ignorant, stand up to us when the situation calls for it, kick the ass of anyone who needs it, (but don't be aggressive on a daily basis). We want you to be honest, loyal and like our children. We want you to not be a deadbeat, to not lie to us, not put us down, not call us names (we don't like the bully), and don't make yourself out to be god.) Be a shoulder to cry on, should we need it, be the rock in our lives and the place we want to be always. If you do that, we will do the same. Simple. You act like a jerk, we will too. Just saying!
OK this post is long enough....
Until next time......
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
What Would You Tell Yourself...
I was reading a book not that long ago called, Return to the Summerhouse, by Jude Deveraux and it go me thinking. In the book the (The first one is called, The Summerhouse) Three women able to go back to a time and change something if they choose to. This got me thinking, if I you could go back to a period (or periods) and have a conversation with a younger you, what age(s) would it be and what would you tell yourself? Here is what I came up with...
14 Years Old...
I would tell myself that having a step parent is not the end of the world and in the end you will be better off for having had him in your life. To make the most of the memories you will have because one day, he will not longer be here and everything you felt (but never told anyone) would be the most important thing to hear. ALSO, that boy you are really into..not that great and dating him is truly not worth pissing off your parents or ditching another boy for. Bad Choice there!
17 Years Old...
I would tell myself that marriage is not always the better choice. While in about 12 years you will find yourself divorced, you still need to get married in order to have the children you will have, BUT do not put off your education and career choices because while you should never go into marriage thinking you are going to get divorced, no one can predict the future and being prepared for anything is better than learning the hard way you should not have put off going to school. Also be a little nicer to your husband, even though he will eventually be an ass of gigantic proportions, he started out as a great husband and an even better father.
25 Years Old...
So your husband cheated on you and you chose to forgive him and stay married. LET IT GO! Don't hold onto the hurt and anger you feel because he cheated on you. You chose to stay. You loved him enough to give him a second chance. Life threw you a curve ball you never saw coming from the last person you ever expected to hurt you. Put your big girl panties on and move on.
27 Years old...
Stay in Canada. Even though your life is not what you had planned. A baby, a divorce and the end of the world as you knew it, Canada is your home and you truly should stay. The US does not offer you anything you can not get in Canada. Bitterness will get you no where. While I, at 32, would love to tell you that you should befriend the woman your ex cheated on you with (Yup again), I am not there yet still. Give it to God. God has a plan for your life from this point on and the sooner you realize it, the better. Now you just need to focus on your children, the new life you have been forced into and your education. (See had you listened to me at 17 you would need to just focus on your career and family but...) Stay focused and trust God.
Now of course we can not go back in time and talk to our younger selves. What we can do is learn from them and realize that today is all that counts. We can't change yesterday, Tomorrow is not a guarantee and Today is all we have to do what counts. Maybe there is that guy (or girl) you have been wanting to connect with, but not sure you should or you can't, just do it. The worst they can say is no. Maybe there is a move you are contemplating, do it. Don't put off til tomorrow what you can do today. We are not given a road map or instructions on how to live our life, we are not informed of the outcome of our decisions so just go for it. Why wait? What are you waiting for? If you don't do it, you will never know and you will always wonder.
Of course as I am sitting here writing this, I can come up with a million and one reasons as to why its not a good idea to contact that guy and why moving could be a bad idea and so on and so forth...
Until next time.....
14 Years Old...
I would tell myself that having a step parent is not the end of the world and in the end you will be better off for having had him in your life. To make the most of the memories you will have because one day, he will not longer be here and everything you felt (but never told anyone) would be the most important thing to hear. ALSO, that boy you are really into..not that great and dating him is truly not worth pissing off your parents or ditching another boy for. Bad Choice there!
17 Years Old...
I would tell myself that marriage is not always the better choice. While in about 12 years you will find yourself divorced, you still need to get married in order to have the children you will have, BUT do not put off your education and career choices because while you should never go into marriage thinking you are going to get divorced, no one can predict the future and being prepared for anything is better than learning the hard way you should not have put off going to school. Also be a little nicer to your husband, even though he will eventually be an ass of gigantic proportions, he started out as a great husband and an even better father.
25 Years Old...
So your husband cheated on you and you chose to forgive him and stay married. LET IT GO! Don't hold onto the hurt and anger you feel because he cheated on you. You chose to stay. You loved him enough to give him a second chance. Life threw you a curve ball you never saw coming from the last person you ever expected to hurt you. Put your big girl panties on and move on.
27 Years old...
Stay in Canada. Even though your life is not what you had planned. A baby, a divorce and the end of the world as you knew it, Canada is your home and you truly should stay. The US does not offer you anything you can not get in Canada. Bitterness will get you no where. While I, at 32, would love to tell you that you should befriend the woman your ex cheated on you with (Yup again), I am not there yet still. Give it to God. God has a plan for your life from this point on and the sooner you realize it, the better. Now you just need to focus on your children, the new life you have been forced into and your education. (See had you listened to me at 17 you would need to just focus on your career and family but...) Stay focused and trust God.
Now of course we can not go back in time and talk to our younger selves. What we can do is learn from them and realize that today is all that counts. We can't change yesterday, Tomorrow is not a guarantee and Today is all we have to do what counts. Maybe there is that guy (or girl) you have been wanting to connect with, but not sure you should or you can't, just do it. The worst they can say is no. Maybe there is a move you are contemplating, do it. Don't put off til tomorrow what you can do today. We are not given a road map or instructions on how to live our life, we are not informed of the outcome of our decisions so just go for it. Why wait? What are you waiting for? If you don't do it, you will never know and you will always wonder.
Of course as I am sitting here writing this, I can come up with a million and one reasons as to why its not a good idea to contact that guy and why moving could be a bad idea and so on and so forth...
Until next time.....
Friday, April 27, 2012
Following God
Being a parent today is hard. We have so many things to worry about where are children are concerned. Drugs, gangs, and so much more, and the list it seems, just keeps growing. As a single parent we have added worries. Studies that say children from broken homes are more likely to do drugs and join gangs and fall down a path that is not what you dreamed about the first time you held that precious and innocent baby. We also worry about the people we bring into their lives. As a single parenting, dating seems scary, and it should. Who should we bring into their lives? Who should we avoid? Is there a right time to introduce someone you are dating? How long do we date before we introduce? Should we date at all?
Here is what I realized today, our paths are already predetermined. God always knows what path we will choose, whether it be the right one, or the wrong one, he already knows. I am famous for choosing the wrong one. As I look over the course of my life, I have usually chosen the wrong path. Dated the wrong people and even went so far as to dump the right person for the wrong person just to annoy my parents. Brilliance there. I don't dwell on the past, but sometimes we have to revisit the past to make changes for the future.
I know what I want in my life and what I don't want. Professionally my goals are clear and I am working on them now. Personally, I have a vague idea of what I want in the distant future, but then again my plans may not be God's plans an I truly need to follow God's plans for my life. I have strayed from God's path, but I realize now, that the only way my life will make sense is to follow God.
Also I am also great at focusing on the negative, (easy to do right?) Well no more. Every morning I am making it a goal to thank God for the blessings I have in my life. I am no longer going to dwell on what I don't have, but focus on what I do have. It may not be much, but its still more than some people have. A visit to my cousin in Utah reminded me that I need to focus on God and listen to him.
I am human and I will stumble and I will make mistakes. Some days it will be harder to focus on what the positive and the negative will seem more abundant, those are the days I need to fight harder to remember what I do have.
So, since I know there are those of you that read this, I am going to challenge each of you to count your blessings, put the negative aside and concentrate on the positive. Make a list of your blessings and Thank God for them every morning. There are more blessing than you think when you sit down to list them. Feel free to post a comment with one or two blessings you are thankful for. Here are a couple of mine:
1) I have four healthy and beautiful children who are the center of my world.
2) I am going back to school to obtain the degree I have always wanted to earn.
3) I am healthy
4) I am thankful for my ex as without him, I would not have my wonderful children. (and I pray for him every day)
5) I have a roof over our heads and though the situation I know is temporary, I am thankful for it now
There are many more I am thankful for, but these are just a few I wanted to share with everyone to help you get started with your own list.
Until next time.....
Here is what I realized today, our paths are already predetermined. God always knows what path we will choose, whether it be the right one, or the wrong one, he already knows. I am famous for choosing the wrong one. As I look over the course of my life, I have usually chosen the wrong path. Dated the wrong people and even went so far as to dump the right person for the wrong person just to annoy my parents. Brilliance there. I don't dwell on the past, but sometimes we have to revisit the past to make changes for the future.
I know what I want in my life and what I don't want. Professionally my goals are clear and I am working on them now. Personally, I have a vague idea of what I want in the distant future, but then again my plans may not be God's plans an I truly need to follow God's plans for my life. I have strayed from God's path, but I realize now, that the only way my life will make sense is to follow God.
Also I am also great at focusing on the negative, (easy to do right?) Well no more. Every morning I am making it a goal to thank God for the blessings I have in my life. I am no longer going to dwell on what I don't have, but focus on what I do have. It may not be much, but its still more than some people have. A visit to my cousin in Utah reminded me that I need to focus on God and listen to him.
I am human and I will stumble and I will make mistakes. Some days it will be harder to focus on what the positive and the negative will seem more abundant, those are the days I need to fight harder to remember what I do have.
So, since I know there are those of you that read this, I am going to challenge each of you to count your blessings, put the negative aside and concentrate on the positive. Make a list of your blessings and Thank God for them every morning. There are more blessing than you think when you sit down to list them. Feel free to post a comment with one or two blessings you are thankful for. Here are a couple of mine:
1) I have four healthy and beautiful children who are the center of my world.
2) I am going back to school to obtain the degree I have always wanted to earn.
3) I am healthy
4) I am thankful for my ex as without him, I would not have my wonderful children. (and I pray for him every day)
5) I have a roof over our heads and though the situation I know is temporary, I am thankful for it now
There are many more I am thankful for, but these are just a few I wanted to share with everyone to help you get started with your own list.
Until next time.....
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
And Now.....
It is time to relax and get back into our daily routines. After 2 weeks of traveling, first a 10 hour drive to Utah to visit family, and then a 3 hour drive to SF, 3 days after we returned from Utah, for my dad's wedding, I can finally get my family back on track.
We have spent an equivalent of 40 hours or more in the car in the last 2 weeks. I will say that having a DVD player in the car is a MUST for any parent. It is almost eerie how quiet the car gets when there is a movie on for them to watch.
I have accumulated some tips for child travel, that I will implement on our future travels.
1. Must, MUST, MUST have a DVD Player in the car and have the car stocked with movies.
2. ALWAYS travel in a van or SUV big enough to hold 4 kids.
3. Buy bottle water and easy snacks...this lightens up the amount of times you have to stop.
4. Back each child a Kid Kit: books, toys, games and whatever else occupies your child's attention
5. Listening to KLove will calm you down, Lady Gaga, not so much
6 If your child says, "Mom, I have to Pee, STOP! Even if there is not a bathroom near by! STOP! Let the child pee for crying out loud!
7. In Nevada if you find yourself going 100 and pass a cop sitting on the side of the road....he will not pull you over. Apparently this OK, or maybe being in a minivan he figured I had a car full of children who were getting on my nerves and I was trying to reach my destination faster....just a thought
8. It is easier than you think to go 100 and not even realize it!
9. You do not get to listen to the radio while a DVD is playing and headphones are not recommended while driving
10. Before you rent a car, make sure it has been thoroughly checked out before you leave, or you will be trading cars in Nevada (Glad I did though)
OK some of these are not tips more like advice, but either way! Good things to know. The number one thing we all need to remember, you are not in control, God is and he will help you out in any situation no matter how mad or stressed out you get.
Hope all is well with everyone and have fun traveling, Lord knows I am. Next destination.....no clue, but I am truly looking forward to it!
Until next time....
We have spent an equivalent of 40 hours or more in the car in the last 2 weeks. I will say that having a DVD player in the car is a MUST for any parent. It is almost eerie how quiet the car gets when there is a movie on for them to watch.
I have accumulated some tips for child travel, that I will implement on our future travels.
1. Must, MUST, MUST have a DVD Player in the car and have the car stocked with movies.
2. ALWAYS travel in a van or SUV big enough to hold 4 kids.
3. Buy bottle water and easy snacks...this lightens up the amount of times you have to stop.
4. Back each child a Kid Kit: books, toys, games and whatever else occupies your child's attention
5. Listening to KLove will calm you down, Lady Gaga, not so much
6 If your child says, "Mom, I have to Pee, STOP! Even if there is not a bathroom near by! STOP! Let the child pee for crying out loud!
7. In Nevada if you find yourself going 100 and pass a cop sitting on the side of the road....he will not pull you over. Apparently this OK, or maybe being in a minivan he figured I had a car full of children who were getting on my nerves and I was trying to reach my destination faster....just a thought
8. It is easier than you think to go 100 and not even realize it!
9. You do not get to listen to the radio while a DVD is playing and headphones are not recommended while driving
10. Before you rent a car, make sure it has been thoroughly checked out before you leave, or you will be trading cars in Nevada (Glad I did though)
OK some of these are not tips more like advice, but either way! Good things to know. The number one thing we all need to remember, you are not in control, God is and he will help you out in any situation no matter how mad or stressed out you get.
Hope all is well with everyone and have fun traveling, Lord knows I am. Next destination.....no clue, but I am truly looking forward to it!
Until next time....
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
More than you can handle....
Its is one of those days where you just want to climb back under the covers and never get back out. Just bury yourself among the pillows and blankets and hide. A day where nothing goes right and it is just one problem after another. It started out that way and it has continued to be a black blight on my day. Nothing I do changes it. Then I think about the last 5 years and realize that after 5 years of hell, it doesn't appear to get better. Sure there are moments that are fun and memorable....well actually its all memorable, just some are better memories than other. 5 years of misery, with a bit of bright spots shining through...Kind of like 5 years of dark cloudy rain, with the sun fighting to shine through but never quite making it.
That's the kind of day it has been.
I've been told that God never gives us more than we can handle. Everyone says it, but I have had way more than anyone one person should have to handle. I have, but I am not sure I believe it anymore. Admittedly I haven't broken yet, maybe a few mini meltdowns, but I am still here. Still breathing, still waking up every morning and getting out of bed and still living.
Tomorrow I will do the same, even it means not doing some of the things we wanted to do. It will all work out in the end and one day the cloudy days will seem few and far between. This will all one day seem like a bad dream ad all will be right in my world.
Live, Love, Laugh
Until next time...
That's the kind of day it has been.
I've been told that God never gives us more than we can handle. Everyone says it, but I have had way more than anyone one person should have to handle. I have, but I am not sure I believe it anymore. Admittedly I haven't broken yet, maybe a few mini meltdowns, but I am still here. Still breathing, still waking up every morning and getting out of bed and still living.
Tomorrow I will do the same, even it means not doing some of the things we wanted to do. It will all work out in the end and one day the cloudy days will seem few and far between. This will all one day seem like a bad dream ad all will be right in my world.
Live, Love, Laugh
Until next time...
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
14 years ago...
I became a mom. My baby girl just turned 14 today. Time has flown by since I first held her in my arms and I recall that day like it was yesterday. I can recount moment from moment the events of that day. My water broke a whole day before she actually came.
It amazes me how much has happened in 14 years. I had 3 more children, I got divorced and I moved back to the USA. Of course that is the short sum of my life in that time. She truly was the most amazing thing I had ever seen or held up to that point. Life certainly changed from the moment she came out, but I would change a thing about having K in my life. She is challenging for sure, but she is amazing too. She has her own ideas, her own beliefs (albeit it a little quirky) and she is strong willed. She is sweet, (though she would never admit to it) sensitive and Lord know she can be mean! I would not change one thing about her. (except her current hair color).
As I watch our children grow, I feel sad for their dad. He is missing so much of their lives. I want to shake him and ask what the hell he was thinking. These kids are the biggest blessing either of us has, regardless of anything else. We at least did 4 things right while we were together. The saddest part of all of it, is that Matthew does not know what it is like to have a daddy like the other kids do. Then again, maybe that is better, he doesn't know what he is missing either.
So even though things are bad right now, I know that there are good things in my life and things will get better.
Until next time....
It amazes me how much has happened in 14 years. I had 3 more children, I got divorced and I moved back to the USA. Of course that is the short sum of my life in that time. She truly was the most amazing thing I had ever seen or held up to that point. Life certainly changed from the moment she came out, but I would change a thing about having K in my life. She is challenging for sure, but she is amazing too. She has her own ideas, her own beliefs (albeit it a little quirky) and she is strong willed. She is sweet, (though she would never admit to it) sensitive and Lord know she can be mean! I would not change one thing about her. (except her current hair color).
As I watch our children grow, I feel sad for their dad. He is missing so much of their lives. I want to shake him and ask what the hell he was thinking. These kids are the biggest blessing either of us has, regardless of anything else. We at least did 4 things right while we were together. The saddest part of all of it, is that Matthew does not know what it is like to have a daddy like the other kids do. Then again, maybe that is better, he doesn't know what he is missing either.
So even though things are bad right now, I know that there are good things in my life and things will get better.
Until next time....
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
With Coffee Comes Wisdom
Okay, so maybe the coffee itself does not give you the wisdom. However, sitting down, drinking a cup and reflecting can.
Granted right now, things are not the way I want them. I can accept it, I don't have to like it. I pray for the strength to get up in the morning and see the blessings I have in my life. I have 4 that mean the world to me and right now I feel like I am failing them. Drinking my cup of coffee, I realize that maybe failing is a bit too strong. They have what the need and some of what they want, but what we all need the most is a place of our own. Away from the crap and the headaches. Away from influences that are not appropriate for little ones to be around.
I will not, under no circumstance, apologize for my belief that there are some people your children do no need to be around. I will not let them believe it is okay to be a drug addict or an alcoholic. I am tired of tiptoeing around trying to make everything okay, trying to keep my children quiet...they are kids, you can't make them quiet. Truth be told, they are not that loud, they are just kids.
I meant what I said in previous posts, when I leave, this time I will not look back. Reality has slapped me in the face more than once in the last two weeks and I am getting tired of that too. When I have to step back and admit that my ex was right, it really is time to get a new perspective. I admit, he was not always wrong, but on this, I truly wanted him to be.
Maybe I am over sensitive (it is possible after 10 years with a person who is sensitive, that some of that could have rubbed off), maybe I am not sensitive enough, (Lord only knows how many times I have been told that), but I am who I am and if you don't like it, stay away.
I don't have the answers yet, but I know that they will come. I just have to keep Faith that they will come. That change will come because change is definitely wanted. I will never be tolerable of drugs and criminals. I have learned you can't be. This is not to say, I don't believe people can change, I know they can, I have seen proof, they can. It just means if you are going to change, you are going to have to do it on your own. I have my own life and my kids' life to look out for. They are truly all I care about anymore. Well them and a few others.
Hope all is well with everyone (It will be with me soon God Willing)
Granted right now, things are not the way I want them. I can accept it, I don't have to like it. I pray for the strength to get up in the morning and see the blessings I have in my life. I have 4 that mean the world to me and right now I feel like I am failing them. Drinking my cup of coffee, I realize that maybe failing is a bit too strong. They have what the need and some of what they want, but what we all need the most is a place of our own. Away from the crap and the headaches. Away from influences that are not appropriate for little ones to be around.
I will not, under no circumstance, apologize for my belief that there are some people your children do no need to be around. I will not let them believe it is okay to be a drug addict or an alcoholic. I am tired of tiptoeing around trying to make everything okay, trying to keep my children quiet...they are kids, you can't make them quiet. Truth be told, they are not that loud, they are just kids.
I meant what I said in previous posts, when I leave, this time I will not look back. Reality has slapped me in the face more than once in the last two weeks and I am getting tired of that too. When I have to step back and admit that my ex was right, it really is time to get a new perspective. I admit, he was not always wrong, but on this, I truly wanted him to be.
Maybe I am over sensitive (it is possible after 10 years with a person who is sensitive, that some of that could have rubbed off), maybe I am not sensitive enough, (Lord only knows how many times I have been told that), but I am who I am and if you don't like it, stay away.
I don't have the answers yet, but I know that they will come. I just have to keep Faith that they will come. That change will come because change is definitely wanted. I will never be tolerable of drugs and criminals. I have learned you can't be. This is not to say, I don't believe people can change, I know they can, I have seen proof, they can. It just means if you are going to change, you are going to have to do it on your own. I have my own life and my kids' life to look out for. They are truly all I care about anymore. Well them and a few others.
Hope all is well with everyone (It will be with me soon God Willing)
Monday, March 26, 2012
More ranting.....
Life teaches us lessons. When we don't pay attention, it kicks our butt. I will say, my ass has been thoroughly kicked. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, or even a few days ago. My thoughts have changed, my feelings about things and some people have certainly changed and as sad as it may be for me, it seems like nothing will ever be the same again.
I have learned many lessons in my life and even in the last 3 years, but not one has hurt or bothered me as much as this one. Not even my divorce, and that damn near killed me. Life is determined to kick my ass and bury me, but I am either too stubborn or too dumb to just stay down. I know a lot of you are reading this wondering, what the hell she is talking about, but let me say this...I am just a girl who despite whatever is thrown at her, will stay down. I may fall, but I will get back up. I may cry, but guess what tears dry.
What does not kill you, will either make you stronger or it will break you. The choice is ours alone. No one else can make that kind of choice for you, unless you let them. I am done, and I just don't give a damn anymore. I know what in my life is important and I know what I need to remove. I will remove it in time and when I do, I will under no circumstances look back. The good thing about not be an emotional person is that I can do it. I won't regret it and I won't return to it. I know what I want, and I will get there. I will not have someone try to talk me into something I do not want, just because they think they know what is best. Guess what, the only who knows what is best for me, is me. I am angry, royally pissed off but it goes beyond that and now it is truly time to get out of my way.
On another note, I was listening to K-Love the other day and the woman was talking about what Marriage isn't and one of the things that she said hit home. (Hard). If (huge if) I ever get married this is the one thing I want to remember, Marriage is NOT an amusement park, you don't just stay for the good times and then bail when the fun is over.
I have learned many lessons in my life and even in the last 3 years, but not one has hurt or bothered me as much as this one. Not even my divorce, and that damn near killed me. Life is determined to kick my ass and bury me, but I am either too stubborn or too dumb to just stay down. I know a lot of you are reading this wondering, what the hell she is talking about, but let me say this...I am just a girl who despite whatever is thrown at her, will stay down. I may fall, but I will get back up. I may cry, but guess what tears dry.
What does not kill you, will either make you stronger or it will break you. The choice is ours alone. No one else can make that kind of choice for you, unless you let them. I am done, and I just don't give a damn anymore. I know what in my life is important and I know what I need to remove. I will remove it in time and when I do, I will under no circumstances look back. The good thing about not be an emotional person is that I can do it. I won't regret it and I won't return to it. I know what I want, and I will get there. I will not have someone try to talk me into something I do not want, just because they think they know what is best. Guess what, the only who knows what is best for me, is me. I am angry, royally pissed off but it goes beyond that and now it is truly time to get out of my way.
On another note, I was listening to K-Love the other day and the woman was talking about what Marriage isn't and one of the things that she said hit home. (Hard). If (huge if) I ever get married this is the one thing I want to remember, Marriage is NOT an amusement park, you don't just stay for the good times and then bail when the fun is over.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Lesson Learned...
Have you ever had one of those moments where something just clicks finally. It had been staring you in the face and you never quite got it until it was made so blatantly obvious that if you didn't see it..you were just plain stupid! I got mine yesterday. I won't go into details but my eyes were certainly opened.
Here is what I learned:
1. Don't depend on anyone...you will eventually get let down
2. Learn to live on your own...because the people you thought you needed, are not really in your corner
3. When its time to let go of the dead weight, let it go...don't look back
4. No matter how much it hurts or upsets you, let it go...if you don't it will kill you
5. The only people that matter are the ones you give birth to and the rest are on their own
6. No matter what you do...what you accomplish or how you live your life....it will never be good enough for some people
It might seem harsh and it is, but if you can't depend on yourself, who can you depend on? Also, you have to depend on yourself because other people are going to let you down and your anger will eat you alive.
I don't do drugs, I don't drink, and I try to live my life appropriately. I learn from my mistakes, but that doesn't mean I won't make new ones. I am human, and contrary to popular belief I am not a bitch and I do have feelings. OK, well maybe I am a bitch sometimes, but I still have feelings. I believe what I believe and I live my life and raise my children according to those beliefs.
If you don't like, no one said you had to be apart of my life...so there is the door and please let it hit you in the ass when you walk out!
Hope all is well in your world...
Until next time...
Here is what I learned:
1. Don't depend on anyone...you will eventually get let down
2. Learn to live on your own...because the people you thought you needed, are not really in your corner
3. When its time to let go of the dead weight, let it go...don't look back
4. No matter how much it hurts or upsets you, let it go...if you don't it will kill you
5. The only people that matter are the ones you give birth to and the rest are on their own
6. No matter what you do...what you accomplish or how you live your life....it will never be good enough for some people
It might seem harsh and it is, but if you can't depend on yourself, who can you depend on? Also, you have to depend on yourself because other people are going to let you down and your anger will eat you alive.
I don't do drugs, I don't drink, and I try to live my life appropriately. I learn from my mistakes, but that doesn't mean I won't make new ones. I am human, and contrary to popular belief I am not a bitch and I do have feelings. OK, well maybe I am a bitch sometimes, but I still have feelings. I believe what I believe and I live my life and raise my children according to those beliefs.
If you don't like, no one said you had to be apart of my life...so there is the door and please let it hit you in the ass when you walk out!
Hope all is well in your world...
Until next time...
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Around the World with Chloe and Uncle Ben
Around the World with Chloe and Uncle Ben: Check out this video submission for the Ben's Beginners Cooking Contest. Vote from 9:00am PST 2/27 - 11:59pm PST 3/11 to help them win $20,000 and more. Let's get kids cooking!
Vote for Chloe. Very cute video, and a couple of pretty good looking recipes you can complete in minutes.
Until next time.....
Vote for Chloe. Very cute video, and a couple of pretty good looking recipes you can complete in minutes.
Until next time.....
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Things I miss...
One of the things I miss is living in my own home. I know that one day it will come, I just have to be patient and trust God that everything will work out the way it is suppose to. I love moving into a new home and picking out furniture and deciding on how to decorate each room. Especially the bedrooms. Every bedroom should be a place where one can relax at the end of the day. Personally I would not have a television in the bedroom, (and in my opinion no married couple should). I am on the fence as to whether kids should have one in their rooms or not. Probably not.
I miss sitting in the living room at the end of a long day and reading a book while listening to music, talking about whatever or just sitting together at the end of the day to watch a movie.
I miss my kitchen. The kitchen is the heart of the home, or should be. It's where the meals are made, the days events discussed, the days are planned (at least in my home it was)and where as a family we end the day with a meal.
I miss my jacuzzi tub. This is probably the biggest thing I miss. For many reasons.
Some days I miss being married, and others not so much. I don't miss the arguing and fights that were inevitable in the end. I don't miss having to pick up the clothes in front of the hamper and put them in...o wait, I still do that.
I don't miss trying to convince someone to go on vaction with their family and in the end giving up.
I miss building snowmen with the kids and then going into the house and drinking hot cocoa. Maybe I just need to move to the snow....then again I do not miss having to shovel the driveway. I would get married just to not have to shovel the snow.
I do miss having someone to fix things when they are broken as this is most definitely not my specialty. Usually if I try to fix something, it breaks even more. So it would be nice to have someone be able to do that for me. O and the car. I can barely check the oil in the car. So someone who can at least do that would be good to have around.
Well time to go clean and then do some school work for the week! Perhaps a maid and a nanny would be nice too (although probably not since I don't like other people taking care of my children and I would jsut go around and undo whatever the maid did wrong).
Until next time...
I miss sitting in the living room at the end of a long day and reading a book while listening to music, talking about whatever or just sitting together at the end of the day to watch a movie.
I miss my kitchen. The kitchen is the heart of the home, or should be. It's where the meals are made, the days events discussed, the days are planned (at least in my home it was)and where as a family we end the day with a meal.
I miss my jacuzzi tub. This is probably the biggest thing I miss. For many reasons.
Some days I miss being married, and others not so much. I don't miss the arguing and fights that were inevitable in the end. I don't miss having to pick up the clothes in front of the hamper and put them in...o wait, I still do that.
I don't miss trying to convince someone to go on vaction with their family and in the end giving up.
I miss building snowmen with the kids and then going into the house and drinking hot cocoa. Maybe I just need to move to the snow....then again I do not miss having to shovel the driveway. I would get married just to not have to shovel the snow.
I do miss having someone to fix things when they are broken as this is most definitely not my specialty. Usually if I try to fix something, it breaks even more. So it would be nice to have someone be able to do that for me. O and the car. I can barely check the oil in the car. So someone who can at least do that would be good to have around.
Well time to go clean and then do some school work for the week! Perhaps a maid and a nanny would be nice too (although probably not since I don't like other people taking care of my children and I would jsut go around and undo whatever the maid did wrong).
Until next time...
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Musings....
So it has been awhile since I posted. School has kept me pretty busy. As have, K, A, S and M. A is off to camp today with the Boy Scouts.
I made a couple of cards this week for friends who are having babies and realized how much I have missed scrapbooking and card-making, so it is time to start replacing the supplies my oh-so-loving-ex-husband got rid of.
Really, I try not to dwell on the past and all that he gave up for some woman who has the morals of a sneezed on Kleenex, and for the most part I do OK with it. Kids and life keep me busy. It is not so much that I even miss him. It is more that the kids miss him, or the him they remember. Not the dad that doesn't call and chews them out for missing his birthday. Sometimes it is struggle to remember the day K was born (and each of them) and how great of a dad he started out to be. It amazes me that he can put the responsibility of keeping in touch with his children on them. I always thought it was the parents job to stay in touch. My bad.
It is funny how one day you can wake up and realize that you are over someone. It may take you longer than you thought it would at first, but it happens. It may be harder than you thought it would be, but one day you realize you have actually survived and are better for it. Each day you are more stronger than the last and each week you are even more stronger.
Three years later, I am better off, for the simple fact each day I have gotten to see how my children have changed. How they have grown, and yes some days K and A can give me a run for my money, but I wouldn't trade a day in my life for one day in his easy-I-have-no-responsibilities-life. Perhaps it is not as easy as it looks, I have no idea. All I know is that without K, A, S and M I would not be the same person and even though my life would probably be much easier (not to mention quieter) I would have nothing worth fighting for and no reasons to keep getting up day after day.
He may have someone, but I have 4 someones who daily keep me surprised, irritated, laughing, and make my life 110% better.
I had visions on my wedding day as to what our lives would be like. For the most part, up until the end, it was what I had pictured. I guess one day you wake up and realize you have no idea who the person sleeping next you has become. Granted I didn't notice it right away. I was sleep-deprived and had a newborn, so I figured M's crying at night had him sleeping in his office/our living room. Even when he missed M's birth I didn't put two and two together. Who could blame him for getting coffee? Hindsight of course is 20/20 and I see things much clearer now, if not to late.
My visions for divorce did not turn out so well. The summers where the kids go see their Dad and the shared responsibility of the two of us for the 4 of them has never happened. I know it is my fault (because he has absolutely no blame in any of this. He is the Saint after all. Never done anything wrong, never made bad choices and I am the one keeping his children from him after all), but I guess I am just going to have to accept the fact that he is not going to be there for them. Weekends and vacations at Dad's house is not part of the package. I may never get a true break from my little ones, but I have them.
As bad as divorce is (and I never want to go through another one), you one day realize you are happier, better off and have more than your partner could have ever given you. The future is unwritten and the past is a chapter that is complete. The future holds so many possibilities and new experiences. So wake up and stop making life harder than it has to be...(which I am famous for).
Maybe one day I will meet someone I can make apart of our lives and keep around forever, and maybe not. The thing is I don't need someone. I am certainly not in any hurry for sure. School and kids keep me busy enough. As the song by Terri Clark says: "She didn't have time..."
I made a couple of cards this week for friends who are having babies and realized how much I have missed scrapbooking and card-making, so it is time to start replacing the supplies my oh-so-loving-ex-husband got rid of.
Really, I try not to dwell on the past and all that he gave up for some woman who has the morals of a sneezed on Kleenex, and for the most part I do OK with it. Kids and life keep me busy. It is not so much that I even miss him. It is more that the kids miss him, or the him they remember. Not the dad that doesn't call and chews them out for missing his birthday. Sometimes it is struggle to remember the day K was born (and each of them) and how great of a dad he started out to be. It amazes me that he can put the responsibility of keeping in touch with his children on them. I always thought it was the parents job to stay in touch. My bad.
It is funny how one day you can wake up and realize that you are over someone. It may take you longer than you thought it would at first, but it happens. It may be harder than you thought it would be, but one day you realize you have actually survived and are better for it. Each day you are more stronger than the last and each week you are even more stronger.
Three years later, I am better off, for the simple fact each day I have gotten to see how my children have changed. How they have grown, and yes some days K and A can give me a run for my money, but I wouldn't trade a day in my life for one day in his easy-I-have-no-responsibilities-life. Perhaps it is not as easy as it looks, I have no idea. All I know is that without K, A, S and M I would not be the same person and even though my life would probably be much easier (not to mention quieter) I would have nothing worth fighting for and no reasons to keep getting up day after day.
He may have someone, but I have 4 someones who daily keep me surprised, irritated, laughing, and make my life 110% better.
I had visions on my wedding day as to what our lives would be like. For the most part, up until the end, it was what I had pictured. I guess one day you wake up and realize you have no idea who the person sleeping next you has become. Granted I didn't notice it right away. I was sleep-deprived and had a newborn, so I figured M's crying at night had him sleeping in his office/our living room. Even when he missed M's birth I didn't put two and two together. Who could blame him for getting coffee? Hindsight of course is 20/20 and I see things much clearer now, if not to late.
My visions for divorce did not turn out so well. The summers where the kids go see their Dad and the shared responsibility of the two of us for the 4 of them has never happened. I know it is my fault (because he has absolutely no blame in any of this. He is the Saint after all. Never done anything wrong, never made bad choices and I am the one keeping his children from him after all), but I guess I am just going to have to accept the fact that he is not going to be there for them. Weekends and vacations at Dad's house is not part of the package. I may never get a true break from my little ones, but I have them.
As bad as divorce is (and I never want to go through another one), you one day realize you are happier, better off and have more than your partner could have ever given you. The future is unwritten and the past is a chapter that is complete. The future holds so many possibilities and new experiences. So wake up and stop making life harder than it has to be...(which I am famous for).
Maybe one day I will meet someone I can make apart of our lives and keep around forever, and maybe not. The thing is I don't need someone. I am certainly not in any hurry for sure. School and kids keep me busy enough. As the song by Terri Clark says: "She didn't have time..."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)