Giving Up is Not an Option

We all have those days, where the easiest thing in the world would be to give up. Throw in the towel and walk away. I am certainly not perfect nor am I immune to those days. As moms we always feel the need to be perfect, have the perfect home, have the perfect children (and let me be the first to say, mine are far, far, far from the perfect children I would like them to be) and look perfect when we get out of bed. We feel the need to make it all look easy.
Screw that, it is not easy. It is especially hard when the task of raising your children falls on your shoulders alone. Yesterday, however, was one of those days. Seemed like the easiest thing to do would be to walk away and start over. Why not, their dad did...seemed to play over and over in my head yesterday. It was easy for him, but was it really?
This morning, I was reading my bible and I came across Isaiah 40:31 which states:

But those who wait on the Lord

shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles,

they shall run and not be weary

they shall walk and not faint

It reminded me why giving up is not an option. Perfection, my life is not and I miss the days when my children were litle and had both parents in the house, and some days (yes even after forgiving their dad), it still makes me a little angry and frustrated, that from what appears to be easy for their dad, (no kids = easier for dad) is a constant worry and struggle for me daily. I don't appear as a person who worries a lot, and to a point I don't, because if I can't fix, then why worry about it? I do worry, though, every day about four little people who need, because at this point, I am all they have fighting for them.
Giving up is not an option.
I worry about their futures, their present and pray that their past does not have ah old on them. I worry about what they need and what they watch and who they hang out with. I worry about them daily and pray that their needs are somehow met and that despite what they don't have, they turn out to be great people with a bright future.
Yesterday, I had to pray for the strength not to sell them to gypsies (this is a common threat in my house and I am sure by now; as they have never been sold to gypsies; they are not totally concerned about it). It seemed like nothing I told them to do got through. Do the dishes: nope not done. Clean the room: nope not done. Clean up the toys in the living room: again not done. When I got home from taking K to youth group, the house looked worse than it did when I left....Uh O! I took everything away, computer, TV, PlayStation, game boys, toys, art supplies and threatened to throw them all away and they would only be able to read books on the couch...if I didn't throw those away too.
Mess irritates me. It frustrates me. Again, not necessarily something one knows or would even see if they saw my, on the inside though I am like Hurricane Katrina and ready to kick some butt. I literally fail to function when everything is in chaos, and I want to run and bury my head in the sand.
Giving up is not an option.
God will give us the strength we need to press on, move forward. He will guide us along the way. He will carry us if we fall. We only need to trust Him and ask Him. I know He has a plan for me, I just have to wait for His time. I know He will reveal it to me in His time. For now, I have to keep pressing on, and trusting God will provide what my family needs. He knows what we need, He knows what I need, He will provide. I may want it today, (more like yesterday)but He has His time and His plan will be shown. The strength to carry on is in all of us. We just need to find it. We have to pray for it. I am not a saint and I will fall and feel like giving up again, I just need to remind myself of the four wonderful children He gave me, and remember that they are just children and need guidance from me. I also need to remind myself that:
Giving up is not an option.

Until the next Scribble.....

I love the creativity of my children. Every day I am amazed at the things I find. For instance I came home from the grocery store and was putting the frozen TV dinners and waffles away (Yes, I feed my children frozen junk on occasion. I mean really some nights it gets hectic and cake seems like a good dinner.) Anyway so back to the freezer, I found a Charlie Brown coffee mug with frozen water in the freezer. OK, not all that crazy right? Later, however, when the water had thawed somewhat, what do I find, two frozen army men. OK. Did I also mention that Ken was in the freezer as well....Barbie must have put him on ice for a bit..haha.

So curiosity got the better of me and I asked my children why Ken and army men were in my freezer. A automatically says, S did it! What?! So I look at S, my little princess [whose tiara is looking a bit tilted] and she says, "What? They flew threw Barbie's window, after I told them to stop. Its called a punishment Mom." OK. [Remind to talk to the doctor about getting her tubes tied, I can see my future grandchildren now...blue]. And Ken?! Cold water apparently turns his hair blue, she figured the freezer would work faster. There are icicles hanging off him..apparently he was forgotten about a week again. What? Barbie didn't file a missing person's report? Nice. Maybe Ken should check under the bed, the next time he comes home early for work. I mean talk about blue balls, Ken has them literally! [OK sorry for the comment, but seriously it could not be left out] Why you ask? Well not only did S leave ken in the freezer (standing up) he was holding a blue ball! ha!

A few days ago S and I were talking, about nothing in particular and all the sudden she announces, "I don't have an imaginary friend, I have an imaginary enemy". Just like that. Most kids have friends they can't see, mine, an enemy she can't see. She tells me that is the best kind of enemy to have..an invisible one. Now from my perspective, that would be the most dangerous one to have....carbon monoxide comes to mind...sightless and odorless but definitely deadly. After my WTH moment of shock, I nod and tell her that is highly creative, all the while silently calculating what her therapy bill are going to cost me....

Motherhood, has got to be the best job on the earth....just mix it with a little cranberry vodka and you have an enjoyable journey and nothing phases you...especially when plates go flying across your head in the pretense of seeing if it flies like a Frisbee does. Or when you check on silent children and discover blue hand prints on the walls and blue footprints on the carpet...maybe I should be mentally calculating what my therapy bills are going to be.....

Until the next Scribble.....