The Submissive Wife

What comes to your mind when you hear the phrase, "submissive" wife? Do you find yourself chained to the kitchen? At your husbands every beck and call? Do visions of 50 Shades of Gray scenes? I know when I first heard it, I scoffed and then laughed. There was no way, I would ever become submissive. Not to mention, you could be envisioning every feminist woman chasing after you with bats or trying to run you over with a car because you dare to undo years of women becoming equal to men.

Now before you pick up your cast iron skillet to beat me over the head and ask me if I have lost my mind, remember that the bible does tell us in Ephesians 5:22 "wives submit unto your husbands as to the Lord." The key word here is submit. Not bow down to, cater to, and have no voice or opinion.

So what does it mean? 

Today's society has warped the words submit and submissive. It has turned into something of a sexual nature with whips and chains and all things unholy and that do not belong in the bedroom. Or it has turned into something even worse...a slave to your husband and he commands you at his will to do his bidding. It has corrupted the beauty in being a submissive wife. Yes, I said beauty. 

God created marriage to be a beautiful union of two people to build a life together. TOGETHER. Someone to share the ups and downs with, someone to help you when you are feeling down. The husband is not the controller, he is the leader. He is the strength behind the family that builds their foundation on God's word. The husband "leads with strong hands", as it says in the song Lead Me, by Sanctus Real.

Submission simply means that you let go of control and let your husband lead. Let him hold your hand and guide you. It means that you listen to him and you make decisions with him. Its a relationship that is based on faith in God and faith in each other. Being submissive is trusting in your choice to make this man your husband. Trusting him as your partner in this life. 

Now here comes the bats, I do believe that the wife belongs in the home. She cares for and tends to the home. She makes it a place of warmth, love and family. She takes care of her family. The breakdown of the family and of society began when the family got put on the back burner. That is probably another blog later, but truly Proverbs 31:10-31 is the instructions for a wife and mother. It is what we as women are called to be. It is the perfect description of how we should want to be. 

I am not telling every wife and mother out there to go and quit their jobs, some of us can't. Single mother's can't for sure. I am saying that if it is feasible, do it. If it means cutting a few things out of your budget, moving to a smaller home, then isn't it worth it? Isn't spending the few short years raising your children and being home when they get out of school worth giving up a few material possessions? 

Being a submissive wife is about love, honor and respect, not bondage, chains. It doesn't mean you can't argue with your husband, personally I would rather not. It does not mean don't voice your opinion, but remind yourself that if your husband feels that something is best for the family, definitely know that it probably is. I mean, common sense here, if he is telling you to bomb and abortion clinic, you definitely might want to reconsider this and pray for him. Chances are, since your relationship is based on God's Word, he is not telling you do this. Chances are he has given it a lot of thought and prayed about it. 

I want to also point out, that while I believe the wife belongs at home, caring for the home and all that, I also believe that you can be a submissive wife and work. Not all women married or single can be stay-at-home wives/mothers. Some choose to work from home, which allows them to stop working and go pick up a sick kid from school or run a quick errand that came up. 

Your husband should be the one you look to for answers (aside from God, that is a given), he is the one you should seek comfort from. He is the one who you should comfort when he needs it. He is the one your heart belongs to. Submit to your husbands as to the Lord and I promise you, you will not regret it. 

Words, Words, and More Words...

I love when God confirms what you have been reading and hearing, by reading and hearing what God has been telling you. As you can see that I have been compelled to change the way I speak, to change the words I use and speak over myself, my children and others. Not only have I been convicted about words, but worry and impatience as well. A lot of people can tell you my favorite thing to quote is "Patience is a virtue". I love this saying, but I am rarely patient.

Today's message at Church was in regards to impatience and I can tell you that it hit home for me. Worry was also apart of this message today and it was also apart of the bible study I am doing" What Happens When Woman Say Yes to God.

What you say matters. The words you speak to someone matter. Your words have power. All things I have said in the previous posts and were reconfirmed today by the Message at church and by the bible study I am doing. They were also confirmed repeatedly by a person who I recently had remind me of this a few times when I (due to cramps) said, "I am dying". Our words have power and we need to speak life, not death over ourselves and others. We need to speak positive words and learn to trust God. We need to be patient and not worry.

Did you know that when you worry you can't worship? No, neither did I. God is not a God of worry, He is a God of love and compassion who only wants the best for us. Here is what the bible says about worry:

1) Matthew 6: 26-27 says, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; ye your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of ore value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"

2) Matthew 6:34 (which is part of Matthew 6:31-34, which was used in a sermon awhile back and used in my bible study today) says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things, Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

3) Phil 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" (No need to worry, we gain our strength from Christ)

In general Matthew 6:25-34 is about not worrying. How does any of this tie into impatience and words? Well let me tell you. When we worry we become impatient and we question God. When we question God we are doubting that God can provide for us. When we speak words of worry, "I can't" "I'm dying", "What if?"; we are speaking failure over our life.  Today's sermon talks about this (it was our notes for today as well) "Anxiety is nothing but repeatedly re-experiencing failure in advance." Seth Godin said these words. Who wants to experience failure repeatedly? Or even in advance? What you say matters! Your words have power.

Faith is not easy. Living by faith and not by sight is even harder. Trust, when you have trust issues, is extremely difficult. So, take it from me, give it up. Its so worth it to give it up and give it God. We don't have to worry because God has taken that from us. We don't have to worry because we have God. We can patient because we know God will provide. We need to speak LIFE not death over ourselves and others.

As we struggle with feelings we don't understand, behaviors of others that leave us feeling confused and hurt, we can rest assured that God knows our pain, He knows that we worry, but what he wants us to know is that because of Him, we don't have to worry.

Don't speak worries over your life, don't speak words of impatience over your life and don't speak death over your life.

Do speak positive words over your life, do speak works of gentleness and grace over your life and above all else, speak life over your life!

Until the next Scribble.....

The Ice Princess Melts...The power of positive words...

After I wrote my last post on negative words, I was reading my bible and doing my bible study and I knew I needed to add a blog about positive words.

Galations 5: 22-23 says this: 

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 

As I read these words I realized that these are the words I want to define who I am. In my bible study I had to pick three that I wanted to focus on and I decided that three for me were: faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The positive words in this scripture are words that I want others to see in me. I don't want the Ice Princess to be who I am. Its time for her to melt and we need to go our separate ways. 

If I had any doubts about these words, it was reiterated to me further on while looking up versus on gentleness I found this verse in Colassians: 

Colassions 3:12 (NIV)

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

As a mother, it is important that the words spoken over my children are positive and not damaging. I want them to believe and know that they are loved, that they are special and that they are not negatively described. Our words have the power to hurt or the power to lift one up.

As parents we have more power than we know over our children and what is spoken over them. Our prayers of protection over them are more powerful than any weapon used against them, even words.

TobyMac has a song that talks about speaking life.. Someone recently told me (when I was saying I felt like I was dying) that we need to speak life over us, not death.  This song hits home for me and it should remind us that our words have the power to give life and to take life (not literally).

Until the next scribble....

Ice Princess - The effect of Negative words

Have I mentioned the Ice Princess? I think I have, but I'd have to look back. Here is a great lesson (and boy did it hit home tonight), on how words actually DO hurt, and they do have an effect on the person we use them on.

So by my own family, a few friends and my ex-husband (who I might add was not an ex at the time) I have been called The Ice Princess (My ex), a B**** , cold, mean and the list could go on. Oh and let's not forget heartless.

I, personally, never felt I was any of those things. I want to cry when I run over a bird or a squirrel (which I have only done once), I hate hurting people's feelings and try to make everything OK. I dislike it when people argue, I hate fighting and believe it or not I am a pretty sensitive person, I thought.

I know we have all heard the childhood song, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me". Well guess what not only can the words people speak over us hurt us, they can become imprinted on our personality and we take them to heart and make them apart of us. We carry them with us where ever we go. Words hurt, words describe, words become who we are. Not only do words hurt, silence hurts more and it hurts those we are silent with.

Tonight I realized how much I have taken the words to heart and I am pretty closed off emotionally. At a moment when I should have (an I was on the inside), been filled with Awe, and amazement, I froze. I literally had no response. I was quiet and distant. The Ice Princess lives. I, thought recent events proved I had a heart and that I was actually capable of feeling, but when it counted, when I needed to show some sign that a human being with real emotion was present, it was absent. When it mattered the most, I couldn't even shed one tear, I couldn't convey what was going through my mind, and what did come out made sense to only me.

As I said, word do hurt and they do affect the person you use them against. Word are the sharpest weapon we have an leave the biggest mark on a person's identity. Be careful how you use this weapon, and on who you use it against. Finally, don't let others label you, don't let their words define who you are. If you acknowledge that you are not those things, you won't be those things. Don't take them to heart, don't let them pierce you. God made you and He made you perfect in His image. God doesn't define us in negative terms, He loves us and defines us in His goodness.

Until the next Scribble.......