Pre-Marriage Prayer....

Praying for your marriage is something we all consider. The person who stands next to us day in and day out, who never gives up, even when they are angry is someone we know we need to pray for. Praying for God's grace and presence over your marriage should not even be a second or third thought, it should be your first thought in the morning and your last thought at night. Even something you do together.

What about before you are married? We don't think about praying over our marriages before they happen and yet it dawned on me today, that this is what I need to do. This is exactly what I need to do. I was writing verses in my journal regarding someone close to me, and it dawned on me that I can't fight for this person in this world, I need to fight for this person in the spiritual world. On my knees. I need to pray day in and day out. 

It is a crazy thing, when everyone is looks at me and wonders why I even bother. Let me tell you why, I bother, it is quite simple actually, God tells me to keep fighting. Coming from someone who was once married, I don't know the first thing about fighting for someone, because I know I didn't fight nearly hard enough for my marriage. I gave a halfhearted attempt at fighting for my ex, but nothing like I am doing now. 

Matthew 19:6 - Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. Matthew is talking about marriage here, vows that two people took in front of God when they became man and wife. So why am I quoting it here? Have you considered praying this over your future spouse? Probably not. Yet, this verse, when I look at it with the eyes of a woman fighting for the one she loves, I see how praying this over this man is the best thing I can do, on my knees, fighting for him in the spiritual world. 

I remember my grandma and even more recently my aunt, telling me that to pray over something is to give it wholly to God. To let God be in control and that is a bond no man or woman can break. Do not mistake me for someone who easily hands over control of things in her life, I don't. This does not come easy for me, but I know I can't do it on my own. Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we don't have to for God is our strength and with Him, we can do all things. So praying for this man, is the only thing I can do. It is the only way I know to fight for him. 

For those of you that know me personally and know who I am talking about, you would think that this something that should hit the man over the head. He is after all a man of God, yet even men of God struggle in some areas in their life and he is struggling. I see it. I hear it. I feel it. Crazy right? No. God driven. 

We need to speak these verses into our life, and into our relationship (you know that one that God has planned for us). This man, he is fight feelings, strong ones, of rage, bitterness and anger. I won't get into all of that here, those that need to know, know and are praying. I am praying. What this is about though is praying for marriages that God has planned, but we are not aware of. Trust me, today when this realization hit me, I was in awe. Why should I pray for my relationship with this idiot, I asked. (yes I used idiot). He is not praying for this. Why should I fight, why should I pray for something he doesn't even realize fully that he wants? 

The other day I wrote a twitter message that said, "While I struggle w/what to do, #God has revealed something vital I have missed focusing on my desires & not on Him #walkinfath #p31obs" This was written on May 15. What is the realization that missed? That no matter how much he fights with himself in regards to being in my life, he has stayed. No matter how many tries he has tried to talk himself out of being here, He is still here. In his heart he knows where he belongs, but in him mind, in that tiny place we all have that wants to be defiant, he is scared. 

Did you know that Satan uses our fears? He does. He loves them. They are our insecurities, that little voice that tells us we are not good enough, that we don't deserve to be happy and on and on this annoying voice goes....Tell it to stop already! I did, and when I did, God hit me with this realization that I am where God wants me and that is enough for me. We need to pray for our future relationships. This is the person that is going to be with us forever. The person that we are going to do this thing called life with. God has to be in that! It will never work without Him in it. 

Here are some verses that I wrote in my journal: 

Proverbs 16:3 - Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. Why this one? Every action we make leads us up to the end goal. Every action needs to be a God honoring action. By praying for this relationship, my actions honor God. The idiot may need more time to realize what I have, but in the mean time, with God, I am strong enough to fight for us without him. God will succeed where He is asked to help, God will succeed in His plans for our life, if we let Him in and have Faith. 

Song of Songs 7: 10 - I am my loves and he claims me as his own. Your right, verbally he has not. Even mentally he may not be there, but spiritually he knows. I have spent countless hours talking myself out of it. Telling myself that this is not what God wants, it can't be, because it is too hard. At times too painful. Wake up, God didn't promise easy and He didn't promise a hurt  free existent. I am fighting a worldly view and Satan, neither which I could do on my own. I need God. I

I am still in the process of finding more to use in this spiritual battle. Trust me, I argue with God regarding this man daily. In my journal along with these verses, I let him go. I gave my dream, and my heart to God. I let it go. How is this fighting if I am giving up? Oh ye of little faith, I am not giving up, I am giving it to God. God has it. I am trusting Him in this situation. I am praying. 

My next question was, "What if he doesn't come around to our way of thinking Lord". God gave us free will. He face us the choice to choose Him over all and he is giving this man the choice to choose what God has planned. I pray day in and day out for him, not just in the issue of a future relationship, but for the personal demons he has to fight. Satan wants nothing more than for him to sink into anger over previous relationships, over all that he has been through and continues to go through. 

This praying over my future marriage is not just for him, because he has the right not to choose this, even though I know in my heart (thanks to countless arguments with God over this) that he is the one. Does God do back up plans? He does, because we are so messy and human that we constantly mess up His plans for us and miss the first one. We marry the wrong people, I certainly did. We choose the wrong path, I have many times. We lose our way and while He will still fulfill His plan for us, He may have to work with the mess we made. 

This is hard for me to write because it makes me vulnerable. I don't know if he reads my blog, but if he does, I have just made myself extremely vulnerable. Yet I am writing this, not for me, but so that you know, those of you reading this, that you have to pray not just for marriage when or if it happens, but before it happens. Pray for it, bleed the blood over it, do whatever it takes. This doesn't guarantee an easy marriage, (what marriage is easy?), it doesn't guarantee a perfect marriage, but one built on the foundation of prayer and God's word is one that will work. One that will stay together regardless of the obstacles because you prayed God into it before it happened. Of course, once you are married you still have to pray God into it, you have build a foundation on His word, and you still have fight the evils of this world. What are you waiting for? Start praying! 

Until the Next Scribble...............

Married at First Sight

     We have all done the dating thing at one point or another. We have gone out for coffee, signed up for dating sites and planned dinners out. We take great pains picking out what we are going to wear and what we are going to do with our hair, how our make-up is going to look and then we head out the door only to be stood up or disappointed. 

     Finding that one person who is only meant for you is ridiculously hard. In fact it makes painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel look easy. If we do start to date someone, it is so easy to give up on someone we should probably stay with. "I didn't like what she said", (or in some cases didn't say), "He never puts the toilet seat down" and the excuses go on. Who likes anyone 100% of the time? Uh, that would be no one. Breaking up is so easy to do and commitment, real commitment takes work and effort on both sides. Even marriage is not sacred in our society anymore. Get married, try it out and if you don't like it get divorced. Then comes the television series, Married at First Sight. 

     I admit that at first I was a bit skeptical of the show. I watched it because from a psychological point of view the idea interested me. We have all heard about arranged marriages in other countries and they are popular in some cultures. To have this idea in America seemed a bit odd and intriguing to me. I pictured a bunch of desperate people wanting to find love so badly that they would do anything to find it. I can relate in some ways. Dating sucks. 

     What I found was interesting. The show did not make a mockery of marriage, like a lot of people thought it would. Personality tests and other questionnaires were used in order to match the couples up with one another. They didn't just throw random people together in order to make a show. They took their time and made sure that the people they were putting together were right for each other. 

     David Hinckley writes on the New York Daily News, stated, "human relationships are rarely something you can quantify on paper. Sorry. You just can’t." I would agree with him to some extent. Science and psychology are not enough to make a marriage or a relationship work. What I do believe though, is that with this new perspective on marriage, one might commit to working at something if they have to. While the show does give the option for divorce, I watched three couples try to make something where a few days ago there was nothing, not even a name. They struggled with their issues, emotions and pasts. 

     Jamie and Doug had the most to overcome. Jaime who thought she was ready for this, realized on her wedding day that she was scared and she was not attracted to Doug. She shows us that if you are willing to commit to making something work, you can succeed. She teaches us that marriage is worth fighting for, even when you don't know the person that well. (Let's face it, do we really know the person we are marrying after dating them for years?) This couple as overcame and had the hardest amount of work to do. I also like that Jaime didn't just jump in and have sex with her husband, though she could have, she waited until she was sure she was in this forever. In fact when I was watching the finale and Jaime said she was staying, I yelled, "YES" at the top of my lungs and literally fell off the couch! I was sure she was gone. 

     Monet and Von proved to us that this won't work for everyone. Monet realized that she was more independent that she originally thought and while she wants to be married, she was the kind of wife that Von was looking for. He wanted the traditional marriage (I can relate that is the same type of marriage I am looking for). Women come in all different shapes and sizes and even thinking. Not everyone wants a traditional marriage, even though many think they do at first. I give her a lot of credit for learning more about who she is and what she wants. I give Von credit too. It takes a lot to admit that maybe you didn't put your whole self into it and to know what you want. They were a cute couple though, I will give you that. 

     Courtney and Jason are simply adorable. They had the least amount of work, because they hit it off so well. This is not to say that they didn't work for it. Courtney fought for her man, something we should all do. She committed herself to this marriage and she was in it for the long haul. I knew this couple would stay together. They have a long road ahead of them as all couples do, but I think that this couple is together to stay. 

     Would I do this? I think I would, if I didn't have 4 children. I think having children in this process would make things a bit more difficult, on the other hand if both sides had children, it might make it even more worth fighting for. Dating brings out to many fake sides of each other and sometimes reality does not hit until you are married. You think, "woah who is this monster I married and what happened to the roses and the sweet little things they did?" In this experiment they got it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. There was no hiding it. 

     Here is the bottom line of my opinion, (I would love to do more research on the psychological and scientific aspect of this concept). If you are willing to put in the time, amazingly amount of hard work, and be open and honest with not only the other person, but yourself, then you can make it work, whether you have dated for years, a day or met at the alter. This show gives us a new perspective on marriage and relationships and it proves that nothing will work if the people in it are not in it for the long haul. 

     For me personally, I want a marriage that honors both people committed to it and one that honors God. Marriage is a commitment and a sacrifice. It is putting the needs of the one you love above yours at times and it is being there for better or worse. It is remembering the promise you made to each other to be there in the good times and the bad, to hold each others hand even if you don't always feel like it. It is knowing that no matter what happens, you have someone there who loves you and is going through this with you. At the end of the day I want someone who will pray with me, read the bible with me and know that I am not perfect and I am going to make mistakes, but who is willing to stay anyway. That is what marriage is. 
     

The Submissive Wife

What comes to your mind when you hear the phrase, "submissive" wife? Do you find yourself chained to the kitchen? At your husbands every beck and call? Do visions of 50 Shades of Gray scenes? I know when I first heard it, I scoffed and then laughed. There was no way, I would ever become submissive. Not to mention, you could be envisioning every feminist woman chasing after you with bats or trying to run you over with a car because you dare to undo years of women becoming equal to men.

Now before you pick up your cast iron skillet to beat me over the head and ask me if I have lost my mind, remember that the bible does tell us in Ephesians 5:22 "wives submit unto your husbands as to the Lord." The key word here is submit. Not bow down to, cater to, and have no voice or opinion.

So what does it mean? 

Today's society has warped the words submit and submissive. It has turned into something of a sexual nature with whips and chains and all things unholy and that do not belong in the bedroom. Or it has turned into something even worse...a slave to your husband and he commands you at his will to do his bidding. It has corrupted the beauty in being a submissive wife. Yes, I said beauty. 

God created marriage to be a beautiful union of two people to build a life together. TOGETHER. Someone to share the ups and downs with, someone to help you when you are feeling down. The husband is not the controller, he is the leader. He is the strength behind the family that builds their foundation on God's word. The husband "leads with strong hands", as it says in the song Lead Me, by Sanctus Real.

Submission simply means that you let go of control and let your husband lead. Let him hold your hand and guide you. It means that you listen to him and you make decisions with him. Its a relationship that is based on faith in God and faith in each other. Being submissive is trusting in your choice to make this man your husband. Trusting him as your partner in this life. 

Now here comes the bats, I do believe that the wife belongs in the home. She cares for and tends to the home. She makes it a place of warmth, love and family. She takes care of her family. The breakdown of the family and of society began when the family got put on the back burner. That is probably another blog later, but truly Proverbs 31:10-31 is the instructions for a wife and mother. It is what we as women are called to be. It is the perfect description of how we should want to be. 

I am not telling every wife and mother out there to go and quit their jobs, some of us can't. Single mother's can't for sure. I am saying that if it is feasible, do it. If it means cutting a few things out of your budget, moving to a smaller home, then isn't it worth it? Isn't spending the few short years raising your children and being home when they get out of school worth giving up a few material possessions? 

Being a submissive wife is about love, honor and respect, not bondage, chains. It doesn't mean you can't argue with your husband, personally I would rather not. It does not mean don't voice your opinion, but remind yourself that if your husband feels that something is best for the family, definitely know that it probably is. I mean, common sense here, if he is telling you to bomb and abortion clinic, you definitely might want to reconsider this and pray for him. Chances are, since your relationship is based on God's Word, he is not telling you do this. Chances are he has given it a lot of thought and prayed about it. 

I want to also point out, that while I believe the wife belongs at home, caring for the home and all that, I also believe that you can be a submissive wife and work. Not all women married or single can be stay-at-home wives/mothers. Some choose to work from home, which allows them to stop working and go pick up a sick kid from school or run a quick errand that came up. 

Your husband should be the one you look to for answers (aside from God, that is a given), he is the one you should seek comfort from. He is the one who you should comfort when he needs it. He is the one your heart belongs to. Submit to your husbands as to the Lord and I promise you, you will not regret it. 

You said what?!?

At the grocery store yesterday, I overhear a guy talking on his phone, (and you say we girls talk a lot), saying he doesn’t understand how on earth his wife could possibly think that her staying home with the kids all day is harder than going to work all day. The poor baby has to go to work every day and even on the weekends sometimes. Oh and he has a boss to deal with, and deadlines (Oh my), and he has actual work to do! How he would love to babysit (WHAT?! Babysit your own kids?!) all day and get to stay in his pajamas all day if he chooses (hey buddy even Peg Bundy got dressed). Hell half the time he is not sure she even brushes her teeth (are you kidding me, leave her!).  Motherhood, he states, the job of women who are lazy and lack ambition, seriously, (You’re not seriously wondering why you don’t get sex often anymore are you buddy??).  How hard can it be, he tells his friend, to wipe up spilled cheerios and watch TV all gosh darn day?

With the amount of respect he so obviiiiiously has for his wife, I can’t figure out my reluctance to take that road again! I want to smack him for his wife and save her the domestic dispute and spousal abuse charges, Mr. Sunshine would obviously charge her with.

Only about a million responses immediately flew to my head! Lazy and lack ambition? OK I have heard that before, but to say it about your own wife? The woman, who carried YOUR child for 9 months, gave birth and now gives up her career to be a mom to the child you two created? Oh buddy I would run! She must be a saint or blind!

How do you think your laundry gets done? What about the clean house to and who do you think cooks your dinner? Unless, and I highly doubt it, you have a maid, a cook and a laundry service your baby sitter did all that! Do you think little magic fairies arrive when you leave and *POOF* everything is magically done at the wave of a wand or twitch of a nose? (Oh how we all wish we could be Samantha Stevens)

So, to the overworked, probably under paid and absolute ray of sunshine, in the store, get a clue moron! We have bosses too, they just come in smaller packages, wear diapers, throw bottles at us and puke all over us daily, OR they come in the package of a demon possessed teenager who only knows, “I hate you”, “you ruined my life” or some other adorable explanation like that. They dictate our daily schedules 24/7, at least you get to leave your boss at the office ours climbs in our bed at night when they have a nightmare!

We once had figures that looked like a figure, we had time on our hands to do what we wanted and go where we want, now it’s about ballet, baseball and PTA!  Don’t get me started on deadlines! With our bosses it is now, Now, NOW or wham, bottle in the head because NOW was not soon enough!

We do your laundry, clean your house, raise your children, go to PTA meetings,  ballet class, pick up the cheerios off the floor, cook dinner,  pick up the toys, tuck them in to bed, does your boss need you to tuck them into bed? (Second thought, they better not!), we run your errands, go to the grocery store, listen to Barney or Dora the Explorer (or in the case of the demon possessed teenager strange music that sounds strangely enough like Satan yelling into a Mic!), and when we actually do try to have sex, a kid wakes up! Nothing in our lives is the same anymore, nor would we give up one second of it, but hey let’s trade for a day and see who is crying by the end of the day! It won’t be Mom (well until she sees all the work you didn’t get done because you couldn’t figure out how to run the washer and dryer, or turn the vacuum on or know what the word cleaning actually meant!) Just sayin….

Until next time....