Faith

    Faith, hope and love. We know that these things are important in our lives. we read these words in 1 Corinthians 13:13 - Three things will last forever - faith, hope and love - and the greatest of these is love. We read them over and over, but do we really trust them? Do we take them to heart and keep them in the fore front of our mind? 

     In my latest trial, I struggle to remind myself of these things. Love is patient, love is kind...but love hurts. It is hard to remember that we are to be loving and faithful when the person that we love is hurting us. Even if we know the hurt is not intentional. When we are hurting it is difficult for us to remember that God loves us and even though He may be allowing us to go through this trial, it doesn't mean He is sitting up in Heaven enjoying or pain and suffering. He allows us to go through these trials to help us grow. Believe it or not to strengthen our faith, so that we can become the woman (or man) that God has called us to be. 

God's word gives us hope, fills us with His love and reminds us
he is faithful to those who have faith in him. 

     As I read my bible this morning I realized, or more so, I recalled a song that comes on K-Love, though I can't recall the name, part of the lyrics say, that nothing is impossible for God, anything is possible. It just takes faith. I know that God is working on my in many areas right now, but faith is a big one. This morning I was giving advice to someone and my own words slapped me in the face, sometimes God withholds what we want, the very thing we are praying and hoping for, to test us. He wants to know that no matter what trial we face, no matter how much it hurts us, and no matter the outcome that our faith, hope and trust are in Him. As I pray for my situation, I know that no matter what happens, God's plan is the best plan. I know God brought this person in my life for a reason, and I am thankful for him everyday. As I was sitting in a bible study last night, the person giving the message talked about the phrase, "let go and let God," something that we have all heard in our life. I always thought that this was a good thing to do until I realized that this is being passive. God doesn't want us to be passengers in our own life. He wants us to actively seek Him, and actively pray for our situations. So perhaps there are times we do need to let go, and in my situation this may be one of those times, but it may also be one of those times I need to fight on my knees in prayer. I need to fight with His word. 

     We may not get answer right away, but just know that God wants all of us. Not part of us. No half of us. Not 3/4 of us, but all of us. When we have faith in Him, He will direct our paths. I don't know the outcome of my salutation and you may not know the outcome of yours, but know this, God is good, nothing is impossible for Him and He blesses the faithful. 

You

You're not patient, 

sometimes you're not kind, 

but then neither 

am I. 

We are not perfect, 

but are made 

perfect by a God 

who loves us. 

Sometimes you are completely 

unbearable, 

sometimes you make 

me cry and 

cause me lash out 

in anger. 

You're difficult, 

You're stubborn and 

hold on to 

what you should let go of. 

You can be impossible to talk to

and you don't listen 

all that well. 

You're blind to what is 

right in front of you

and you never

give me time to think

things through. 

There are things I can't stand

about you and that 

irritate me 

to the point of total 

frustration, 

but I wouldn't change them. 

For your convictions, your faults, 

your morals, your faith, 

your irritating 

habits, 

your unmistakable good 

heart

and every flaw that you have, 

I wouldn't change. 

I wouldn't change these

because they 

make you, 

you, and who you are

is someone 

who is perfectly flawed

in my eyes.

When My 'but' Gets in the Way

***Today's Live Free Post on http://tsuzanneeller.com/***

But...

As parents we all hate this word.

"...but Mom, I don't have time to clean my room."

"...but Mom, she started it"

"..but I don't like peas."

"...but my friends are all doing 'it'."

God is our parent, and He too, does not like the word 'but'. In all our humanness, it is easy to whine like our children do. When I don't especially feel like praying for someone because I am irritated with them or I am not feeling particularly loving towards them, I can say,

"...but He was never there for me when I needed him, so why should I pray for him?"

"...but She is an alcoholic and causes all kinds of heartache without apparently caring?" 

"...but He hurt me in the worst way possible."

"...but She doesn't deserve my prayers after all she did." 

These 'buts' are not what God wants to hear, just like it is not what we want to hear when we tell our children something they don't want to hear. When I let my buts get in the way, I am essentially failing God. I am telling Him that my feelings regarding whoever it is He wants me to pray for, are more important this His need for me to pray for them. God knows how we feel, but He also knows how we work. When I am praying for someone, it is harder for me to feel hatred or anger towards them. It softens my heart towards these people. We all have people or situations we don't feel particularly gracious towards, but we still need to pray for them. We need to be more intentional in our praying for people. (Something we discussed in our bible study last night as well)

Prayer is not the only time we tell God, 'but', or at least it is not for me. When it is outside my comfort zone, not only do I say no easily, but I can add a 'but' in there to also reason with God. Have you ever done this? I know I have.

"...but I am not the right person to do this."

"...but I can't speak in front of people." 

"...but there is no way I can do that. It's too far out of my comfort zone, that I can't see my comfort zone anymore."

"...but I am not good enough for this task." 

Do any of these sound familiar to you? When I let my 'buts' get in the way I am getting in the way of God's plan for my life. I am telling Him that what He wants does not matter to me. What He says is not as important as staying in my comfort zone, and boy do I love my comfort zone. Ask anyone.

My 'buts' are just excuses not to leave my comfort zone and if I don't leave my comfort one I can't grow. I can't become the woman God wants me to be for Him. I miss out on His plan for my life.

Until the Next Scribble....

Pre-Marriage Prayer....

Praying for your marriage is something we all consider. The person who stands next to us day in and day out, who never gives up, even when they are angry is someone we know we need to pray for. Praying for God's grace and presence over your marriage should not even be a second or third thought, it should be your first thought in the morning and your last thought at night. Even something you do together.

What about before you are married? We don't think about praying over our marriages before they happen and yet it dawned on me today, that this is what I need to do. This is exactly what I need to do. I was writing verses in my journal regarding someone close to me, and it dawned on me that I can't fight for this person in this world, I need to fight for this person in the spiritual world. On my knees. I need to pray day in and day out. 

It is a crazy thing, when everyone is looks at me and wonders why I even bother. Let me tell you why, I bother, it is quite simple actually, God tells me to keep fighting. Coming from someone who was once married, I don't know the first thing about fighting for someone, because I know I didn't fight nearly hard enough for my marriage. I gave a halfhearted attempt at fighting for my ex, but nothing like I am doing now. 

Matthew 19:6 - Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. Matthew is talking about marriage here, vows that two people took in front of God when they became man and wife. So why am I quoting it here? Have you considered praying this over your future spouse? Probably not. Yet, this verse, when I look at it with the eyes of a woman fighting for the one she loves, I see how praying this over this man is the best thing I can do, on my knees, fighting for him in the spiritual world. 

I remember my grandma and even more recently my aunt, telling me that to pray over something is to give it wholly to God. To let God be in control and that is a bond no man or woman can break. Do not mistake me for someone who easily hands over control of things in her life, I don't. This does not come easy for me, but I know I can't do it on my own. Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we don't have to for God is our strength and with Him, we can do all things. So praying for this man, is the only thing I can do. It is the only way I know to fight for him. 

For those of you that know me personally and know who I am talking about, you would think that this something that should hit the man over the head. He is after all a man of God, yet even men of God struggle in some areas in their life and he is struggling. I see it. I hear it. I feel it. Crazy right? No. God driven. 

We need to speak these verses into our life, and into our relationship (you know that one that God has planned for us). This man, he is fight feelings, strong ones, of rage, bitterness and anger. I won't get into all of that here, those that need to know, know and are praying. I am praying. What this is about though is praying for marriages that God has planned, but we are not aware of. Trust me, today when this realization hit me, I was in awe. Why should I pray for my relationship with this idiot, I asked. (yes I used idiot). He is not praying for this. Why should I fight, why should I pray for something he doesn't even realize fully that he wants? 

The other day I wrote a twitter message that said, "While I struggle w/what to do, #God has revealed something vital I have missed focusing on my desires & not on Him #walkinfath #p31obs" This was written on May 15. What is the realization that missed? That no matter how much he fights with himself in regards to being in my life, he has stayed. No matter how many tries he has tried to talk himself out of being here, He is still here. In his heart he knows where he belongs, but in him mind, in that tiny place we all have that wants to be defiant, he is scared. 

Did you know that Satan uses our fears? He does. He loves them. They are our insecurities, that little voice that tells us we are not good enough, that we don't deserve to be happy and on and on this annoying voice goes....Tell it to stop already! I did, and when I did, God hit me with this realization that I am where God wants me and that is enough for me. We need to pray for our future relationships. This is the person that is going to be with us forever. The person that we are going to do this thing called life with. God has to be in that! It will never work without Him in it. 

Here are some verses that I wrote in my journal: 

Proverbs 16:3 - Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. Why this one? Every action we make leads us up to the end goal. Every action needs to be a God honoring action. By praying for this relationship, my actions honor God. The idiot may need more time to realize what I have, but in the mean time, with God, I am strong enough to fight for us without him. God will succeed where He is asked to help, God will succeed in His plans for our life, if we let Him in and have Faith. 

Song of Songs 7: 10 - I am my loves and he claims me as his own. Your right, verbally he has not. Even mentally he may not be there, but spiritually he knows. I have spent countless hours talking myself out of it. Telling myself that this is not what God wants, it can't be, because it is too hard. At times too painful. Wake up, God didn't promise easy and He didn't promise a hurt  free existent. I am fighting a worldly view and Satan, neither which I could do on my own. I need God. I

I am still in the process of finding more to use in this spiritual battle. Trust me, I argue with God regarding this man daily. In my journal along with these verses, I let him go. I gave my dream, and my heart to God. I let it go. How is this fighting if I am giving up? Oh ye of little faith, I am not giving up, I am giving it to God. God has it. I am trusting Him in this situation. I am praying. 

My next question was, "What if he doesn't come around to our way of thinking Lord". God gave us free will. He face us the choice to choose Him over all and he is giving this man the choice to choose what God has planned. I pray day in and day out for him, not just in the issue of a future relationship, but for the personal demons he has to fight. Satan wants nothing more than for him to sink into anger over previous relationships, over all that he has been through and continues to go through. 

This praying over my future marriage is not just for him, because he has the right not to choose this, even though I know in my heart (thanks to countless arguments with God over this) that he is the one. Does God do back up plans? He does, because we are so messy and human that we constantly mess up His plans for us and miss the first one. We marry the wrong people, I certainly did. We choose the wrong path, I have many times. We lose our way and while He will still fulfill His plan for us, He may have to work with the mess we made. 

This is hard for me to write because it makes me vulnerable. I don't know if he reads my blog, but if he does, I have just made myself extremely vulnerable. Yet I am writing this, not for me, but so that you know, those of you reading this, that you have to pray not just for marriage when or if it happens, but before it happens. Pray for it, bleed the blood over it, do whatever it takes. This doesn't guarantee an easy marriage, (what marriage is easy?), it doesn't guarantee a perfect marriage, but one built on the foundation of prayer and God's word is one that will work. One that will stay together regardless of the obstacles because you prayed God into it before it happened. Of course, once you are married you still have to pray God into it, you have build a foundation on His word, and you still have fight the evils of this world. What are you waiting for? Start praying! 

Until the Next Scribble...............

One of Those Days....

It is one of those days. you know the one, where your irritated for reasons you cant quite put your finger on. Or maybe you can put a finger on your irritation but refuse to do so. Who knows. Irritation is building and you know it is probably only a matter of time until you explode with either angry words or it could be print form. What ever the reason, what ever the cause, you are irritated and those close to you are the ones most likely to suffer your wrath. Unless of course you are in line at the coffee shop and the person in front of you has no idea what they want, while you stand behind them knowing exactly what you want. Heaven forbid the Barista (today's word for those who make your coffee), messes up your order.

As I sit here in the coffee shop working on a paper for class, I have see the irritation of customers who direct their frustration on the poor girls behind the counter. One got their coffee as ordered but decided to complain anyway. The joys of working with the public.

What about us as Christians? How do we handle frustration and irritation? Just because we have the label of Christian surrounding us, this does not automatically guarantee that my behaviors or my initial reactions are going to be changed the moment I accepted the label of Christian or accepted that God was in charge of my life, and neither did any of the other Christians living out there.

We are human and we are going to make mistakes, the questions that Christians face is whether or not we give our troubles over to God and ask for forgiveness when we are wrong. I have mentioned that I am mom (perhaps not in this blog post, but in others) and I am human, very capable of making daily mistakes with my choices, my parenting and my opinions. I can hurt the feelings of my children without ever meaning to. Just ask them.

We need to pray and read the word daily. Will this erase our humanness? Heavens no, we will always be vulnerable to our humanness. Always. The beauty is that God knows this! He really does and He loves us anyway. Despite our faults, our actions and how we behave.

Just yesterday I wrote this in my journal:

     Thank you Lord, that you accept me into your family. You accept me just as I am and you have opened your arms to accept me. For this I am truly grateful and blessed. I am blessed beyond all measure to have you as a Father. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

We only have to open our bibles and read His word to gain an understanding of just how much He loves us. It is written on every page of this very important book. All we have to do is open it. I have committed myself to starting my day of in His word and ending my day in His word. Some days I am really good at this and others I just really want to do nothing more than sleep in for a few extra minutes. As a single mom mornings are hectic (and no you don't have to be a single mom for your morning to be hectic). 

One of my go-to bible verses is Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Sometimes this is hard to remember, and we can take on frustrations we really do not have to take on.  

I am trusting God to work out my frustrations and the things I am waiting on. We have to trust Him, if we want the best for our lives. He knows our wants and our needs, He knows the desires of our hearts and as Psalms 37:3 says, we need to trust in him and take delight in him and He will give us the desires of our heart. The key to this is that He needs to be our number one desire. 

Let go of your irritation and frustration and give them over to God. He has this, you don't need to fight battles that He has already won for you. He already won today's battles, tomorrows and every other battle we face in the future. We may not get the answer we want, but it will be His best answer. 

Sit back, breathe and pray! 

Until the next Scribble......

Sometimes Parenting Sucks....Sometimes...

Being a parent sucks sometimes. Let's just throw it out there and be real for a minute. We all see the Facebook posts of our friends and family who show how joyful and sweet being a parent is. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, it is in fact one of my greatest joys, but I do not have rose colored blinders on that keep me from seeing the unpleasantness that come with being a mother. There are so many of us who feel like we are failing at this job called parenting, while we are reading unrealistic posts of rose colored lives where nothing is irritating and nothing goes wrong. Hello! Am I the only one living in the real world?

Parenting sometimes sucks.

Kids fight, we fight to keep the house cleaned, and hello, when was the last time you go to the bathroom uninterrupted? When was the last time you got to take a shower with a child running in and complaining about their brother throwing pancake into their hair? Seriously? I am the only one this happens to?

Have I mentioned that I love being a mother? There are joys that come with raising children, but they are not every day and they are not 100% of the time. Today for instance, S, M and myself all watched, Night at the Museum, together. No one fought, we all laughed and it was a rare time of uninterrupted family time. No fights ensued, not name calling and no hogging of the snacks. It was rare...did I mention this? Normally when we all try to watch a movie (and keep in mind K and A were elsewhere), there is fighting over the snacks, who sits in what spot, who is closer to mom, who gets to hold the remote (why are we holding the remote? There are no commercials to fast forward in a movie from Redbox) and the list continues.

There are the moments where our beautiful little angels are actually bad. They throw tantrums in the store (so not fun), they deliberately make a mess to make a point (what I am not sure). Or the times when you have to discipline them....not my favorite moment in parenting.

I love being a parent and if for some reason all of this went away I would miss it. Sure my house would stay clean, and the milk would get put away and the clothes would stay folded in the drawers and the million other things that kids are not going to do until they have their own house and realize mom was right, but I would miss out on the best thing that ever happened to me...motherhood.

I don't see the world through rose colored, everything is perfect glasses, but I do see the joy in the mess, the fights, the constant state of frustration. I see the love they have for each other (yeah, really they do). They can pick on each other all they want, but look out if anyone outside their sibling bond messes with any one of them. The protect and defend each other. They actually, on occasion, say nice things to one another. The mommy time snuggles, the kisses, the hugs, are all the best parts of being their mom. Yes I may get frustrated. I may yell. I may completely pull out all of my hair, but I wouldn't change a thing where K, A, S & M are concerned. They are my not-so-perfect little angels. I am proud to be called their mom.

Until the Next Scribble.....

Gods Not so Little Reveal in My Little Mistake...

Good Morning,

Yesterday I was ready to go hear a friend of mine speak (normally I just call him Preacher Boy, but since he hates it and may one day read this, I will refrain from doing that). I was so excited to hear what God had been wanting him to say, what message God was revealing through him. I was so excited. I wore a really cute dress, (had to make an emergency stop for tights on the way) and then realized that I didn't know what street the church was on. I messaged him, only to later realize that he had broken his phone and didn't respond. In all my excitement and hurry to get to the church on time, (no matter how organized I can be, I am usually late). I ended up at the wrong church.

Way to go Me!!! :)

As I stood in the parking lot, I froze. I did not want to enter this church and yet I did. Immediately I knew that I was so far out of my comfort zone that I could no longer see my comfort zone. It was long gone. It was no where to be found and there was nothing I could cling to, except God. I was uncomfortable, I was uneasy and I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. Little did I know that I was exactly where God wanted me to be at exactly the moment that God wanted me to be there. (Still sad I missed my W's message.

How can one be uncomfortable in a church? Good question. Just read on, I am getting there....

I was so caught up in my discomfort and unease that I missed what God was actually showing me. I missed what in that moment He was trying to reveal to me. Only to realize it today as I read through my bible study. What God revealed to me after I left the church I understood immediately. I might be just a little stuck up and judgmental. Okay maybe more than just a little.

As I sat here reading the words in Lysa TerKeurst's book, What Happens When Woman Walk in Faith, I was struck with this awesome revelation that I completely missed last night while in the middle of it. Literally. Lysa tells us in chapter 14, to look for God in the little things and not be consumed with the bigger picture, with the big reveal or resurrection that God has in store for us. Well my revelation was not small, but these words hit home and brought to light what I should have seen last night.

I was not in my comfort zone, I was definitely out of place here. Anyone looking in, would notice me right away. The pastor looked at me several times during his message and I swear the look, was 'who is this girl sitting here, who is definitely not one of us.' In fact it reminded me of  a time I was in Montana in a town called Three Forks, (cutest little town, but again I was totally out of place). In both situations I was out of place, not in my comfort zone and I was way over dressed. Seriously. Here I was i a cute little black dress with a red belt, heels, tights, every hair almost perfectly in place and I was the only one dressed up. Everyone else was in shorts or jeans, tank tops, or tee-shirts. Even the pastor was in jeans and a polo-esque top. Needless to say I got some weird looks.

I am sure that the pastor was wondering who I was and why I was there, but I am positive my unease and discomfort at being in this church was showing. I didn't belong there. I was an outsider and yet I was exactly where God wanted me to be.

God revealed so much to me that I missed when I was seeing it. My "death phase," as Lysa calls it in her book, is hard. It seems like one major thing after another. One struggle after another. I finally found a job I love, only to discover it was temporary, like everything else seems to be lately. Temporary. Okay God, I get it, life is temporary, our time here on Earth is temporary. Everything actually is temporary. Except God. God is forever! God's love is never ending, never failing and forever. It is the furthest thing from temporary.

I know, you are waiting for me to get to the point.

These people are not (and I know how this is going to make me sound), the type of people I would willing and intentionally spend time around. (Yup, I know exactly what you are thinking). Let me explain, I grew up with a dad who was never there, who thought drugs and criminal behavior were more important than his children and wife. Who was never there when I needed him or wanted him to be. This lifestyle I witnessed all throughout my childhood, with many members of my family falling down this road. I can say this for my mother, with all the drugs and criminal activity going on around us, she did a pretty good job of sheltering us from this. I never experienced it too much first hand. I saw things I shouldn't have, but it would be impossible for any one to keep everything from touching us. Some things were impossible to hide. Like the guy who came to our home looking for my father with a gun. He could have killed my mother, (my brother and I were hiding). Instead he shot out her car windows, as a message to my father, who, HELLO, was not around.

So as I sat in this church I was reminded of my dad and the life he led. The drugs that consumed his life and left me fatherless. I hated drugs (still do) to a point that I wanted nothing to do with them or the people attached, associated or dwelling in them. You do drugs? Stay away. You did drugs or spent time in prison? Stay away. I want you no where near me, or my children. Even to this day, I keep my dad a safe distance away from myself and my children. I don't want this life to touch them, and here I was sitting right in the middle of this lifestyle.

What I saw (and only today realized) is a group of people who have suffered, struggled and seen more than I could ever have. People who have lost their families, their children, everything to drugs, to their bad choices and walking down a path God never wanted to His children. A group of people who have suffered more than I have. Who have felt more pain that I have. People I can safely say who have had it worse than I have. Who despite their pain, their suffering and their hardships, are clinging to God in a way I never have. In this mistake of going to the wrong church, I learned something I may not have learned had I made it to the right church. (How many Trinity churches can there be in one town....at least 4 in ours). These people are clinging to God, clinging to the hope He provides us. They are not just there listening to a sermon preached to them by a pastor, they are clinging to God, they are holding on to him for dear life. They are there, they are present and they are not afraid to say their faith is in God.

God revealed to me that I am a little stuck up and slightly judgmental. He also reveled to me that I need to cling to Him, to put my faith in Him. I trust God, My Faith is in Him, my Hope is in Him, but I tend to keep Him at arms length. Something else that has been revealed to me through this bible study.

What is God trying to reveal to you that you are missing?

Until the Next Scribble.....

Faith Realizations

I can honestly say that on the day I took my vows, I never saw myself as as a single mother, let alone a single mother without help from their father. I never saw him as the man I see him as now. Never knew how much I could love a person and then hate them just as much. I never wanted to hurt someone as much as I wanted to hurt this person that I loved more than anything. Ever been there? Divorce is a scary place. It shows you a side of yourself that even you never realized was there. I kept asking why God did this to our family, to our marriage.

He didn't. We did. Satan sent people to steal, kill and destroy, and we let these people destroy not only our marriage, but our the home our children felt safe and secure in. Where they felt loved and protected. We took the very foundation of their lives away and for what? For nothing. I can't speak for my ex-husband and I won't try. I am sure he has justified his mistakes and his part in taking away this security from our children. I know he fights his own battles with how we ended our marriage. 

I was young when I got married and I can honestly say I didn't know the first thing about commitment and marriage. About the sacrifices that came with home and family. I am a pretty good mom, and I love my children. I loved my husband, (something I never truly admit, because then I would have to admit to the hurt that came along with what he did). I look at my children and I wonder, who would they be today, had I fought harder for my marriage. Had we taken the time to realize that divorce had never been apart of God's plan for our family. Would they be the same as they are today and honestly I can say No, they wouldn't be. In a sense we broke them, and the sad part is, he doesn't even realize this. They have hurt, anger, bitterness and emotional scars they would not have and it is our fault. Not my fault, not his fault, but ours jointly. We broke the very people we promised to love, protect and keep from harm. 

This was not God's plan for our lives. 

Being a single mom is hard. It sucks. It was never the way it was meant to be. There are times when I want to yell and scream at God for allowing this to happen. For not stopping these people from interfering. When I look back, I blamed only one person and while her part is big, and she alone has to deal with God for her part in my broken family, we do too. We have to admit we gave up, instead of remembering that we promised to love, honor and cherish one another. We promised for better or worse and when worse came, we bailed. I distinctly remember God telling me to fight for my marriage, but I didn't know how. I didn't have the strength to fight and I failed to remember that God is my strength. 

Satan won this battle and we let him. We gave him the tools to do it and he had a field day. 

So what does this have to do with anything? Simple. Faith. I didn't have faith that God would heal what was damaged. I didn't have faith that God would give me the strength to fight for my marriage. My faith was lacking, big time. Not only was my faith lacking, but I gave in the lies and doubts that Satan was telling me. If I could go back, I would. Not just for my children, who deserved to have a mother who would fight for their family, not just her marriage, but for their home; but to undo all the ugliness of that time. To unsay all the hurtful things I said. You see, when I fell hurt or threatened, I attack and not in a nice way. I will aim for where I know it will hurt the most, I will then twist it until it hurts even more and that is what I did. 

Today I look back and realize just how much I had to have hurt this person who once was my life. How much I destroyed the person I loved. We both did this to each other. I gave in to my hurt, my anger, my bitterness and my children paid the ultimate price of that. No, I am not solely to blame, but I can own my part in it. 

What I realize today is God never left us. He never abandoned us and left us to our devices, we just ignored him. We let our worldly views cloud our spiritual ones. What I have learned through this difficult process of being a single mom and completely on my own raising these children, is that I am stronger than I give myself credit for, but I am only strong because my strength, (even when I didn't acknowledge it) comes from God. Phillipians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I can be a single mother. I can raise my kids on my own. I can make a way, where this no way, because it is not me doing it, it is God. He makes the way where there is no way. He gives me the strength to get through each day. 

Someday I may get married again....(there was a time when I wanted absolutely nothing to do with marriage again), and I can take what I have learned with me. However, I will fail again if I don't put God first in the next marriage. God has to come first. God need to be first. When we set our sights on Him, there is nothing we can't overcome. Satan can't destroy a foundation that is built on God's word, God's love and God's promises. I have learned so much about myself and my walk with God in the last little while. I can only pray that one day, I will be the woman God wants me to be. I can say this, I am not going back to the person I had become after my divorce...More on that later! Now its time to get ready and spend the day with my Little Man, to celebrate the miracle of his life...a.k.a his birthday!!! :) 

Until the next Scribble........