Good Morning,
Yesterday I was ready to go hear a friend of mine speak (normally I just call him Preacher Boy, but since he hates it and may one day read this, I will refrain from doing that). I was so excited to hear what God had been wanting him to say, what message God was revealing through him. I was so excited. I wore a really cute dress, (had to make an emergency stop for tights on the way) and then realized that I didn't know what street the church was on. I messaged him, only to later realize that he had broken his phone and didn't respond. In all my excitement and hurry to get to the church on time, (no matter how organized I can be, I am usually late). I ended up at the wrong church.
Way to go Me!!! :)
As I stood in the parking lot, I froze. I did not want to enter this church and yet I did. Immediately I knew that I was so far out of my comfort zone that I could no longer see my comfort zone. It was long gone. It was no where to be found and there was nothing I could cling to, except God. I was uncomfortable, I was uneasy and I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. Little did I know that I was exactly where God wanted me to be at exactly the moment that God wanted me to be there. (Still sad I missed my W's message.
How can one be uncomfortable in a church? Good question. Just read on, I am getting there....
I was so caught up in my discomfort and unease that I missed what God was actually showing me. I missed what in that moment He was trying to reveal to me. Only to realize it today as I read through my bible study. What God revealed to me after I left the church I understood immediately. I might be just a little stuck up and judgmental. Okay maybe more than just a little.
As I sat here reading the words in Lysa TerKeurst's book, What Happens When Woman Walk in Faith, I was struck with this awesome revelation that I completely missed last night while in the middle of it. Literally. Lysa tells us in chapter 14, to look for God in the little things and not be consumed with the bigger picture, with the big reveal or resurrection that God has in store for us. Well my revelation was not small, but these words hit home and brought to light what I should have seen last night.
I was not in my comfort zone, I was definitely out of place here. Anyone looking in, would notice me right away. The pastor looked at me several times during his message and I swear the look, was 'who is this girl sitting here, who is definitely not one of us.' In fact it reminded me of a time I was in Montana in a town called Three Forks, (cutest little town, but again I was totally out of place). In both situations I was out of place, not in my comfort zone and I was way over dressed. Seriously. Here I was i a cute little black dress with a red belt, heels, tights, every hair almost perfectly in place and I was the only one dressed up. Everyone else was in shorts or jeans, tank tops, or tee-shirts. Even the pastor was in jeans and a polo-esque top. Needless to say I got some weird looks.
I am sure that the pastor was wondering who I was and why I was there, but I am positive my unease and discomfort at being in this church was showing. I didn't belong there. I was an outsider and yet I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
God revealed so much to me that I missed when I was seeing it. My "death phase," as Lysa calls it in her book, is hard. It seems like one major thing after another. One struggle after another. I finally found a job I love, only to discover it was temporary, like everything else seems to be lately. Temporary. Okay God, I get it, life is temporary, our time here on Earth is temporary. Everything actually is temporary. Except God. God is forever! God's love is never ending, never failing and forever. It is the furthest thing from temporary.
I know, you are waiting for me to get to the point.
These people are not (and I know how this is going to make me sound), the type of people I would willing and intentionally spend time around. (Yup, I know exactly what you are thinking). Let me explain, I grew up with a dad who was never there, who thought drugs and criminal behavior were more important than his children and wife. Who was never there when I needed him or wanted him to be. This lifestyle I witnessed all throughout my childhood, with many members of my family falling down this road. I can say this for my mother, with all the drugs and criminal activity going on around us, she did a pretty good job of sheltering us from this. I never experienced it too much first hand. I saw things I shouldn't have, but it would be impossible for any one to keep everything from touching us. Some things were impossible to hide. Like the guy who came to our home looking for my father with a gun. He could have killed my mother, (my brother and I were hiding). Instead he shot out her car windows, as a message to my father, who, HELLO, was not around.
So as I sat in this church I was reminded of my dad and the life he led. The drugs that consumed his life and left me fatherless. I hated drugs (still do) to a point that I wanted nothing to do with them or the people attached, associated or dwelling in them. You do drugs? Stay away. You did drugs or spent time in prison? Stay away. I want you no where near me, or my children. Even to this day, I keep my dad a safe distance away from myself and my children. I don't want this life to touch them, and here I was sitting right in the middle of this lifestyle.
What I saw (and only today realized) is a group of people who have suffered, struggled and seen more than I could ever have. People who have lost their families, their children, everything to drugs, to their bad choices and walking down a path God never wanted to His children. A group of people who have suffered more than I have. Who have felt more pain that I have. People I can safely say who have had it worse than I have. Who despite their pain, their suffering and their hardships, are clinging to God in a way I never have. In this mistake of going to the wrong church, I learned something I may not have learned had I made it to the right church. (How many Trinity churches can there be in one town....at least 4 in ours). These people are clinging to God, clinging to the hope He provides us. They are not just there listening to a sermon preached to them by a pastor, they are clinging to God, they are holding on to him for dear life. They are there, they are present and they are not afraid to say their faith is in God.
God revealed to me that I am a little stuck up and slightly judgmental. He also reveled to me that I need to cling to Him, to put my faith in Him. I trust God, My Faith is in Him, my Hope is in Him, but I tend to keep Him at arms length. Something else that has been revealed to me through this bible study.
What is God trying to reveal to you that you are missing?
Until the Next Scribble.....
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