One of Those Days....

It is one of those days. you know the one, where your irritated for reasons you cant quite put your finger on. Or maybe you can put a finger on your irritation but refuse to do so. Who knows. Irritation is building and you know it is probably only a matter of time until you explode with either angry words or it could be print form. What ever the reason, what ever the cause, you are irritated and those close to you are the ones most likely to suffer your wrath. Unless of course you are in line at the coffee shop and the person in front of you has no idea what they want, while you stand behind them knowing exactly what you want. Heaven forbid the Barista (today's word for those who make your coffee), messes up your order.

As I sit here in the coffee shop working on a paper for class, I have see the irritation of customers who direct their frustration on the poor girls behind the counter. One got their coffee as ordered but decided to complain anyway. The joys of working with the public.

What about us as Christians? How do we handle frustration and irritation? Just because we have the label of Christian surrounding us, this does not automatically guarantee that my behaviors or my initial reactions are going to be changed the moment I accepted the label of Christian or accepted that God was in charge of my life, and neither did any of the other Christians living out there.

We are human and we are going to make mistakes, the questions that Christians face is whether or not we give our troubles over to God and ask for forgiveness when we are wrong. I have mentioned that I am mom (perhaps not in this blog post, but in others) and I am human, very capable of making daily mistakes with my choices, my parenting and my opinions. I can hurt the feelings of my children without ever meaning to. Just ask them.

We need to pray and read the word daily. Will this erase our humanness? Heavens no, we will always be vulnerable to our humanness. Always. The beauty is that God knows this! He really does and He loves us anyway. Despite our faults, our actions and how we behave.

Just yesterday I wrote this in my journal:

     Thank you Lord, that you accept me into your family. You accept me just as I am and you have opened your arms to accept me. For this I am truly grateful and blessed. I am blessed beyond all measure to have you as a Father. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

We only have to open our bibles and read His word to gain an understanding of just how much He loves us. It is written on every page of this very important book. All we have to do is open it. I have committed myself to starting my day of in His word and ending my day in His word. Some days I am really good at this and others I just really want to do nothing more than sleep in for a few extra minutes. As a single mom mornings are hectic (and no you don't have to be a single mom for your morning to be hectic). 

One of my go-to bible verses is Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Sometimes this is hard to remember, and we can take on frustrations we really do not have to take on.  

I am trusting God to work out my frustrations and the things I am waiting on. We have to trust Him, if we want the best for our lives. He knows our wants and our needs, He knows the desires of our hearts and as Psalms 37:3 says, we need to trust in him and take delight in him and He will give us the desires of our heart. The key to this is that He needs to be our number one desire. 

Let go of your irritation and frustration and give them over to God. He has this, you don't need to fight battles that He has already won for you. He already won today's battles, tomorrows and every other battle we face in the future. We may not get the answer we want, but it will be His best answer. 

Sit back, breathe and pray! 

Until the next Scribble......

Sometimes Parenting Sucks....Sometimes...

Being a parent sucks sometimes. Let's just throw it out there and be real for a minute. We all see the Facebook posts of our friends and family who show how joyful and sweet being a parent is. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, it is in fact one of my greatest joys, but I do not have rose colored blinders on that keep me from seeing the unpleasantness that come with being a mother. There are so many of us who feel like we are failing at this job called parenting, while we are reading unrealistic posts of rose colored lives where nothing is irritating and nothing goes wrong. Hello! Am I the only one living in the real world?

Parenting sometimes sucks.

Kids fight, we fight to keep the house cleaned, and hello, when was the last time you go to the bathroom uninterrupted? When was the last time you got to take a shower with a child running in and complaining about their brother throwing pancake into their hair? Seriously? I am the only one this happens to?

Have I mentioned that I love being a mother? There are joys that come with raising children, but they are not every day and they are not 100% of the time. Today for instance, S, M and myself all watched, Night at the Museum, together. No one fought, we all laughed and it was a rare time of uninterrupted family time. No fights ensued, not name calling and no hogging of the snacks. It was rare...did I mention this? Normally when we all try to watch a movie (and keep in mind K and A were elsewhere), there is fighting over the snacks, who sits in what spot, who is closer to mom, who gets to hold the remote (why are we holding the remote? There are no commercials to fast forward in a movie from Redbox) and the list continues.

There are the moments where our beautiful little angels are actually bad. They throw tantrums in the store (so not fun), they deliberately make a mess to make a point (what I am not sure). Or the times when you have to discipline them....not my favorite moment in parenting.

I love being a parent and if for some reason all of this went away I would miss it. Sure my house would stay clean, and the milk would get put away and the clothes would stay folded in the drawers and the million other things that kids are not going to do until they have their own house and realize mom was right, but I would miss out on the best thing that ever happened to me...motherhood.

I don't see the world through rose colored, everything is perfect glasses, but I do see the joy in the mess, the fights, the constant state of frustration. I see the love they have for each other (yeah, really they do). They can pick on each other all they want, but look out if anyone outside their sibling bond messes with any one of them. The protect and defend each other. They actually, on occasion, say nice things to one another. The mommy time snuggles, the kisses, the hugs, are all the best parts of being their mom. Yes I may get frustrated. I may yell. I may completely pull out all of my hair, but I wouldn't change a thing where K, A, S & M are concerned. They are my not-so-perfect little angels. I am proud to be called their mom.

Until the Next Scribble.....

This is Who I am....

I am not perfect, nor will I ever pretend to be...not even with my children. I am human and I make mistakes. We all do. Lately, God has been asking me if I know who I am. My response is usually what we would all probably say. "Duh! I am a mom to my children, I am a daughter to my parents, a sister to my siblings, and a friend to those I call friend, and I am me.

Guess what, that is not what He was asking. He was asking if I knew, who I am...not if I knew what my titles are...

This is a tough question to answer. It requires that you dig really deep and look at all the aspects of who you are. Yes, I am the mother of 4 amazing and wonderful children, and that does make up a big part of my character believe it or not. I, am not perfect, but I portray myself in away that reflects how I want my children to behave. I am polite, I stand up for my kids when the situation calls for it, I am sweet, I am conservative and I dress in a manner that reflects that. I don't want my daughters to dress in a way that shows of more than they need to...I certainly don't want their bums to hang out of the bottom of their shorts. No way. I put their needs first. I put them first. I try to be the best mom I can for them. Strong, independent, conservative, careful in what I say, how I act and with my behavior. Just as I want their behavior to reflect well on myself as their mother, I want myself to reflect positively on them as well. Did I mention I am not perfect? No parent is and we loose it sometimes, but this is certainly not how I want them to remember their childhood or how their mother was.

Then God asked..."who are you? Does your image reflect Me?" Oh boy?! Does it? I have made so many mistakes in the past, present and will in the future. Does that mean I don't reflect the presence of God in my life? God knows we are not perfect, but He also requires that as Christians we reflect His presence upon our life. Let Him be the one to determine who we and what our story says.

Psalms 107:2 - Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others He has redeemed you from your enemies. 

Right there in black and white...speak out! Don't keep God's presence in your life a secret.

2 Corinthians 3:18 - So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord - who is the Spirit  makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. 

Oh..there it is again. Reflect the glory of the Lord.

I am not perfect, ( I may have mentioned this). I get annoyed, oh how I get annoyed. I yell at my kids when my frustration with what appears to be their lack of listening and knowing how to pick up after themselves. I make mistakes (more than I would seriously like to admit to). I am human. I am strong and occasionally I am weak. I am as nice as I can be mean. I try wholeheartedly to be nice to those who have wronged me. I am way more sensitive than I let on. I am picky. I am humbled by how much God loves me, regardless of all of my flaws, failures, mistakes and imperfections.

So who am I, other than a mom, a daughter, sister, friend, and overall imperfect human being? More than my likes and dislikes, more than my hobbies and titles. Who am I?

I am a child of God, of course. So simple, yet so hard to grasp. I am saved, I am forgiven, I am loved...by God.

Who are you?

Until the next Scribble............. <3

Juggling Single Motherhood

Okay, so I am going to switch things up a bit. Change is still the theme of this year, in fact, I made it my theme word for this year. This year is all about change. 

However, today was crazy. The washer is acting wonky, the kids are restless and this mommy is just tired. School work, house cleaning, getting the house in order after having moved, doing this, doing that and looking for a job and all while trying to keep my sanity and the kids alive. Vodka/Cranberry anyone? 

When I was married and had kids and was a stay-at-home mom I often wondered how single mom's did it. I had a ton of respect (and still do) for those mom's that did it all on their own. How did they get it all done? A question I often pondered. Now that I have been a single mom for many years, I can say, they don't. That and they don't sleep. When I had a husband who did all the "guy" stuff and I did all the "mom/girl" stuff, it wasn't perfect or always easy, but it was easier. The responsibilities were split in half and mom even got a girls night out on Friday's twice a month.

Single moms have to be both mom and dad. Seriously for some of us this hard to do. I know nothing about being a dad. I can't fish, hunt, or work on a car. I can't play baseball or football and I mix up whether a game has quarters or innings. With a that has to be done in a day, something is going to get left out, forgotten or undone. I just hope it is not a kid. Forgetting or losing your kids is seriously frowned upon. Have you ever lost your child for a second in a store? Did you see all those people staring at you like you were a bad mother? I know I have and I did! 

Today, I just felt like a crazy white woman trying to keep it all together, and failing. Who can do it all? No one. Even the ones that look like they have it all together and that they get nothing wrong, do mess up and they do forget things. They even lose a child in the store once in awhile. No one is perfect and no one can get it all done. I don't need vodka/cranberry, I have God. He tells me I am worth it, imperfections and all. With Him, I can do all things for He is the one who gives me strength. My help, my strength, my hope, and my will to keep going, all comes from Him. 

Most days it is a juggling act. Who needs to be where. K has Robotics, S has bowling, M has baseball, A is where? Right, E's house. Church is on Sunday's, get up get four kids ready and out the door. Did S go to H's house? Or did she go to E's house? Where can I squeeze groceries in and did I do all the assignments for school only to now have to help M with his homework. Scheduling is a nightmare with 4 active children and a mom. Drop K off at Band, Pick S up from Boys and Girls club, take A to youth group. The schedule juggling act. 

Now....

Most days I just fall into bed. I don't even always remember doing it, it just happens. Today, for example was non-stop fighting, and not listening to mom. The wonky washing machine made me throw all the clothes in the van and head to the laundromat. Killing two birds with one trip to town, when the clothes were all in the dryer we went to Walmart to get a few miscellaneous items. M was definitely bored with our outing and acted up a bit. Then of course there was the fighting and no one wanting to clean up....even after a thousand "Hey do this" from mom. It was one of those days you seriously consider selling those precious, adorable children to gypsy's. 

Well, I guess it is that time...time for this tired mom to go to bed. 

Until the next Scribble........

P.S. I totally just realized I need to shave my legs....add it to the list of things to do tomorrow!!!