A Letter to my Younger Self - #livefreeThursday

Dear Elle,

There are so many things that I could tell you, but that would take forever. What I want you to know as a girl getting ready to begin her life in a new place, is that it was all worth it. There will come a moment when you look back and wonder if the decision to marry that man was worth the heartache that it will inevitably cause you, and I can tell you that it is.

I desperately wish I could wipe away those tears I know you will cry that no one ever sees. I wish I could tell you to hold on to those memories that made you smile, because it was not all bad. Oh how I I wish I could warn you before the storm causes havoc and destroys all that you have built.

It was all worth the heartache it caused.

I wish with all my heart, I could tell you not to push God away, He didn't end your marriage, worldly views did. The woman you will become after the mess is cleaned up, is worth every tear cried, every worry felt and every moment you didn't give up. I know you pushed and you fought to keep God at bay, even knowing how badly you need Him in your life.

If I could, I would tell you that it was all pointless, as you do come back and cling to your beliefs with everything in you. He becomes the center of your life, and as a result you begin to change. Yes there are things before that moment you said, "I do", that I would have liked to talk to you about, but none more important that one single moment, when you considered, in front of all those people, turning back down the aisle and never looking back. I know there comes a time at the end, where you wish you had done just that.

Let me remind you, if I could, your world would be missing 3 of the best things you gained from that marriage. Yes, K would still be here, but A, S & little M, would have never made their mark on your heart and in your life. The struggle you faced and even the ones you face in my world today, are nothing compared to what not having them would be like. This marriage that failed, is worth everything you went through for these 4 amazing people.

Divorce, sweet child, will not end you, as you thought it would. Divorce, will not be your label, nor will it define you. What you learn about yourself through this process, is worth the pain of getting divorced. Your walk and relationship with God has grown immensely. I will not tell you this is the end of heartache in your life, but none have changed you as much as this one will, though there will be one, and he will be so very important in your walk with God. Even when he is gone, you will cling to God, and hold on to His word.

There is so much more I could tell you, but at this moment, where I am now, this season of your life, is the most profound and saying, "I do", when you wanted nothing more than to say, "I don't" will be the best choice you ever made. If I could go back for a minute on the special day, I would tell you that even though in that moment you wanted to run and you didn't want to go through with, I do, you do realize one day, that you love this man more than you ever thought you could. Before the anger, the hurt and the tears, you will know that you love this guy you married, which is why then end will hurt. There is a God, sweet one, who through it all and even though you pushed Him away, will see you through every step of the way.

xoxoxo,

Elle.....a version of you a few years down the road