Fathers and Children....Ladies I am Talking to You!

One of my fondest memories as a parent was watching my children interact with their father. It literally melted my heart to see him interact with them and play with them. To watch him meet them at their level and just connect with our children. Shh..don't tell him that though! :)

As a single mom, ladies I can tell you, dirty laundry happens and that does not mean that it has to affect our children. Yet I have numerous male friends who are being kept from their children for the sake of bitterness. Mom's who are trying to use their children to harm the other parent. Sure, you are affecting their dad and hitting him where it hurts, but who you are really harming are your children. You are keeping them from the other person in their life they love just as much as they love you. For what? Let me tell you right now, you are doing for no reason that matters, for no reason that is valid, just out of sheer bitterness and anger. You are allowing your anger and hatred to cloud your better judgement and you are harming the child(ren) you claim to love more than anything.

Acceptable Reasons to Keep a Child from the Other Parent

• The other parent is in jail 
• The other parent is currently under the influence of drugs or alcohol
• The other parent has been physically, emotionally or verbally abusive to the child(ren). 
• The other parent is living with a person who is dangerous, abusive or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. 
• The other person has a mental disorder that is not currently being treated and they pose a danger to the child(ren). 
• The other parent is a pedophile or has sexually abused your child(ren). 

I am sure there are reason not on this list that I have missed, but you get the idea. Unless there is a very valid reason to protect your child from their father, don't keep them apart. My ex-husband has not seen his children in about 8 years and calls them on their birthday and holidays. Our divorce was not pretty and I can say that neither of us handled the other person very well. At one point I felt the need to protect my children from being taken and I would never see them again. Why? He said he would pick them up from school and I would never see them again. I weighed the likelihood of him actually doing this and part of me would swear up and down that he would never do it, but I just didn't know. Divorce has shed a whole new light on this person I had loved and married. So I got full physical and legal custody, which he never contested. Little did I know this piece of paper would be his excuse not to see our children, even though I have tried to change it a couple times, he never complies. 

Now I am not here to use this post or this blog to ever badmouth my ex, he is in all reality a good person and he started out as the greatest father I have ever seen. He was great with our children and he loved them wholeheartedly, I am just not sure what happened. Divorce is ugly and I did my share of things to him that I regret 100% (and perhaps that can be my next blog or a future one). I have said things to him I regret, I threw a blender at him and the list goes on and on. I was hurt and I was angry. I never thought that our divorce would take away the one other person that matters most on this earth to my children...their dad. 

Ladies, if you listen to anything listen to this....your children need their dad just as much as he needs them. You loved this man once, enough to create life with him. You created these precious children with this person and he deserves to be in their life just as much as you do. Put your feelings aside and do what is best for those sweet children, who love this man. Their dad. I would move heaven and earth for my children to have a relationship with their dad, to spend summers with their dad (we are on separate sides of the country), and every other Christmas and etc... I would give anything for them to be able to hang out with their dad and hug him and laugh with him and just be together. 

My dad with K, A, S, M! 

"He doesn't pay child support" you say, well guess what, neither does my ex, but I would still never use this as a reason for them not have a relationship with their dad. Yeah he should, he helped create them, but don't let that prevent the children from knowing their dad. The other half of who they are. 

He divorced you, not them. Let;s get to the bottom of the matter, for most of you this hits home. He left you, he divorced you, so you are going to punish him...No! That is not how it works. God will deal with him on his flaws and his misdeed, just as He will deal with you on yours, but don't interfere in the relationship between father and child. I could through numerous statistics in here, but I don't feel the need. I just need you to know that the only one this doing any real damage to....your child(ren). They suffer the most. They turn it inward and blame themselves or think daddy just doesn't love me anymore. 

It breaks my heart to see my children suffering from not having their dad around. S things her dad hates her. M has never known what it is like to have a dad and may never know. K misses the guy she loves and whose interests match her own. No guy will ever replace her daddy in her heart. A needs his dad so desperately to teach him the things he needs to know and to talk to. They are all hurting in their own way and I can only pray that one day he will realize the damage he is doing to these children. 

STOP! Stop hurting your kids. Drop your vendetta against this person and do what is best for your children, not what is best for you. You divorced the other person, but that does NOT give you the right to keep these children, that you claim to love, from their dad! Keep your feelings and opinions in regards to your ex to yourself and cultivate the second most important relationship your child will ever have. 

Last but not least for those of your that have new relationships and are remarried, your ex, the person you created this child with is still their dad! Not your new partner. Yes the stepparent relationship is important too, but not nearly as important as the one with their real father. Just because you started a new relationship does not give you the right to literally try and replace their father with this new man. It will only end up causing you more problems in the end...in your new relationship and in your home. It will cause problems between your children and your new partner. NO ONE can replace their dad, just like no woman he gets involved with could ever replace you. 

Put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself how you would feel if the other parent did this to you? How would you feel if you were the one being kept from your own child? How would you feel if someone tried to turn your precious children against you? You would hate it. You would be heartbroken and sad. You would be angry. This is how their dad feels. 

Okay, rant over. This is an issue I feel strongly about, and one that needs to change. The importance of a father in the life of a child is significant. They need dad and dad needs them. All this will accomplish, is them possibly resenting you for keeping them from their dad. 

Until the next Scribble.........

What I don't See

**  I am little late in writing this liveFree post...

After divorce there are so many mixed feelings and emotions that hit you. The security I felt was suddenly ripped out from under me and I didn't know how to feel. I was angry, because what I didn't see coming in our family was divorce. What I didn't see coming was how this divorce would go. I felt insecure and disconnected. Everything I knew was changing and there didn't seem to be anything I could do about it. I tried to save my marriage, to no avail, my husband wasn't into saving our marriage, he was into starting a new one with another woman. A woman he invited into our lives and who aided in destroying all that we had built. Our marriage was not perfect, but it was ours.

Little by little I closed myself off from everyone. I didn't hide from everyone, but I didn't I hid how I felt, and I detached myself emotionally from everyone. I am here to tell you this is not a good thing to do. I was broken and I was not myself. I became a person that I didn't even recognize or know.

God is good. So what is that I don't see anymore?

I don't see a person who can't forgive. I don't see the broken girl who hid from her own feelings. I don't see that girl I didn't recognize, but who became familiar, and I don't see a girl who is afraid of her own feelings.

This was not an over night process, and it was not a process I could not have done if it was not for God. I am still a work in progress, simply because I am not perfect. I still have days I want to hide. I have moments when I feel like I can't tell someone how I feel about them. Today, in fact. However, I have an awesome God who loves me unconditionally and who forgives me when I mess up and who is holding my hand. He gives me the strength to do what I need to do. He comforts me when I am feeling broken and sad.

What I do see now is the old me who was not afraid of her feelings. Who, while not overly outgoing, is willing to get out and do things. Who knows what she wants and is not afraid of it, and who is not afraid to get on her knees and fight for the one thing she wants. A girl who is not afraid to fight Satan for those she loves, who is not afraid to spend time on her knees fighting for her kids and the man she loves. A girl who is not afraid of her tears anymore.

I see the old me, made new. I don't see the broken girl who listened to Satan's lies.

Until the next Scribble.....

The devil Lurks in the Shadows

The cross, it is the very symbol of God's love for his people. It is the sacrifice made so that we could be save and our sins washed away. Thank you Jesus for the cross!! Without we wouldn't have the salvation we do with it.

A life built on the foundation of God is a life filled with possibility. Our God rules with love, yes there is discipline for when we do wrong, but it is done in love.

The devil Lurks

There is one thing I can tell you for certain, the devil is lurking, looking for a way in. He wants to separate us from the cross and lead us down a path of darkness and loneliness. The devil will only keep you company until you start to follow him and then his job is done. God's love never leaves us, even when we leave Him, He is still trying to get us to come back to Him. The book of Jeremiah is about God's judgment on His people, people He loved, who turned their backs on Him and worshiped idols and other gods.He brought famine, drought and sword to Judah.. He says in Jeremiah 14:12 - Although they fast, I will not listen to their cry; thought they offer burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Instead I will destroy them with the sword, famine and plague. Seems kinda harsh to us, however, Judah time and time again turned from God and did their own thing. They made the devil happy and angered, as well as saddened God.

All the devil wants is for us to turn our backs on the one who created us. The one who gave us life. He doesn't love us, he doesn't want to heal and protect us, he wants to keep us bitter and broken. He wants to destroy relationships that God put together. As I write this, I can attest to this. I won't use names, but there is a relationship that God wants together, I know, because I have prayed about it for numerous hours, and the devil is doing his best to destroy it. He has blinders on and she is doing her best to be patient and not lash out in anger, like the devil wants her to do. She has to daily plead the blood of Jesus over this relationship, speak biblical scriptures over it and spend a lot of time on her knees fighting for this relationship. Have you ever heard the saying, nothing worth doing is ever easy? This is so very true. God will test us, and she has been tested numerous times. They have both been hurt by past relationships and her goal is to prove that she is not going anywhere. Nothing is more important to her than her relationship with Jesus Christ, Not even him, but she will fight for him, she will love him and she will pray daily for him. The devil lurks in the dark corners trying to convince her that she is not worthy of him, that he will never love her, and that they will never be. The devil lies. He is here to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) He wants nothing more than to take our joy, destroy our relationships and kill our faith.

God's Timing

God's timing is the best there is. If we never give up on our faith in Him, He will reveal His plan to us. For us humans, it is a lesson in patience and faith every time. There is a reason for God's timing. We need to work on something inside ourselves, someone else needs to work on something, or there is a piece we are still missing. Whatever His reasoning is, you can bet that His time is the perfect time. The girl I mentioned above, she can wallow in a broken heart or she can be filled with joy knowing that her Heavenly Father has this. She has decided to let go and let God be the driver in this situation. That doesn't mean she will sit idly by, she will be praying, and she will be reading the word and living her life. She will love him from the sidelines. 

Remember the book of Jeremiah I was talking about? The first part is about judgement. God was angry, but there is hope restored in Jeremiah. 30-33. The cross is also a symbol of hope, at least it is for me. It tells me that there is something bigger than myself out there. God is bigger than anything this world can throw at us, and sometimes it feels like it throws a lot. The devil is lurking in those dark corners just waiting to drag us under. He wants us to fail. He wants us to ignore the cross and turn away from God. I promise you, nothing good comes from turning away from God, and everything good comes from our faith, trust and hope in God. It is a relationship I promise you that won't fail you. Yes you will still get hurt, you will still struggle and have difficult times, but God is always there, holding your hand and guiding you through it.