What I don't See

**  I am little late in writing this liveFree post...

After divorce there are so many mixed feelings and emotions that hit you. The security I felt was suddenly ripped out from under me and I didn't know how to feel. I was angry, because what I didn't see coming in our family was divorce. What I didn't see coming was how this divorce would go. I felt insecure and disconnected. Everything I knew was changing and there didn't seem to be anything I could do about it. I tried to save my marriage, to no avail, my husband wasn't into saving our marriage, he was into starting a new one with another woman. A woman he invited into our lives and who aided in destroying all that we had built. Our marriage was not perfect, but it was ours.

Little by little I closed myself off from everyone. I didn't hide from everyone, but I didn't I hid how I felt, and I detached myself emotionally from everyone. I am here to tell you this is not a good thing to do. I was broken and I was not myself. I became a person that I didn't even recognize or know.

God is good. So what is that I don't see anymore?

I don't see a person who can't forgive. I don't see the broken girl who hid from her own feelings. I don't see that girl I didn't recognize, but who became familiar, and I don't see a girl who is afraid of her own feelings.

This was not an over night process, and it was not a process I could not have done if it was not for God. I am still a work in progress, simply because I am not perfect. I still have days I want to hide. I have moments when I feel like I can't tell someone how I feel about them. Today, in fact. However, I have an awesome God who loves me unconditionally and who forgives me when I mess up and who is holding my hand. He gives me the strength to do what I need to do. He comforts me when I am feeling broken and sad.

What I do see now is the old me who was not afraid of her feelings. Who, while not overly outgoing, is willing to get out and do things. Who knows what she wants and is not afraid of it, and who is not afraid to get on her knees and fight for the one thing she wants. A girl who is not afraid to fight Satan for those she loves, who is not afraid to spend time on her knees fighting for her kids and the man she loves. A girl who is not afraid of her tears anymore.

I see the old me, made new. I don't see the broken girl who listened to Satan's lies.

Until the next Scribble.....