Pre-Marriage Prayer....

Praying for your marriage is something we all consider. The person who stands next to us day in and day out, who never gives up, even when they are angry is someone we know we need to pray for. Praying for God's grace and presence over your marriage should not even be a second or third thought, it should be your first thought in the morning and your last thought at night. Even something you do together.

What about before you are married? We don't think about praying over our marriages before they happen and yet it dawned on me today, that this is what I need to do. This is exactly what I need to do. I was writing verses in my journal regarding someone close to me, and it dawned on me that I can't fight for this person in this world, I need to fight for this person in the spiritual world. On my knees. I need to pray day in and day out. 

It is a crazy thing, when everyone is looks at me and wonders why I even bother. Let me tell you why, I bother, it is quite simple actually, God tells me to keep fighting. Coming from someone who was once married, I don't know the first thing about fighting for someone, because I know I didn't fight nearly hard enough for my marriage. I gave a halfhearted attempt at fighting for my ex, but nothing like I am doing now. 

Matthew 19:6 - Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. Matthew is talking about marriage here, vows that two people took in front of God when they became man and wife. So why am I quoting it here? Have you considered praying this over your future spouse? Probably not. Yet, this verse, when I look at it with the eyes of a woman fighting for the one she loves, I see how praying this over this man is the best thing I can do, on my knees, fighting for him in the spiritual world. 

I remember my grandma and even more recently my aunt, telling me that to pray over something is to give it wholly to God. To let God be in control and that is a bond no man or woman can break. Do not mistake me for someone who easily hands over control of things in her life, I don't. This does not come easy for me, but I know I can't do it on my own. Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we don't have to for God is our strength and with Him, we can do all things. So praying for this man, is the only thing I can do. It is the only way I know to fight for him. 

For those of you that know me personally and know who I am talking about, you would think that this something that should hit the man over the head. He is after all a man of God, yet even men of God struggle in some areas in their life and he is struggling. I see it. I hear it. I feel it. Crazy right? No. God driven. 

We need to speak these verses into our life, and into our relationship (you know that one that God has planned for us). This man, he is fight feelings, strong ones, of rage, bitterness and anger. I won't get into all of that here, those that need to know, know and are praying. I am praying. What this is about though is praying for marriages that God has planned, but we are not aware of. Trust me, today when this realization hit me, I was in awe. Why should I pray for my relationship with this idiot, I asked. (yes I used idiot). He is not praying for this. Why should I fight, why should I pray for something he doesn't even realize fully that he wants? 

The other day I wrote a twitter message that said, "While I struggle w/what to do, #God has revealed something vital I have missed focusing on my desires & not on Him #walkinfath #p31obs" This was written on May 15. What is the realization that missed? That no matter how much he fights with himself in regards to being in my life, he has stayed. No matter how many tries he has tried to talk himself out of being here, He is still here. In his heart he knows where he belongs, but in him mind, in that tiny place we all have that wants to be defiant, he is scared. 

Did you know that Satan uses our fears? He does. He loves them. They are our insecurities, that little voice that tells us we are not good enough, that we don't deserve to be happy and on and on this annoying voice goes....Tell it to stop already! I did, and when I did, God hit me with this realization that I am where God wants me and that is enough for me. We need to pray for our future relationships. This is the person that is going to be with us forever. The person that we are going to do this thing called life with. God has to be in that! It will never work without Him in it. 

Here are some verses that I wrote in my journal: 

Proverbs 16:3 - Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. Why this one? Every action we make leads us up to the end goal. Every action needs to be a God honoring action. By praying for this relationship, my actions honor God. The idiot may need more time to realize what I have, but in the mean time, with God, I am strong enough to fight for us without him. God will succeed where He is asked to help, God will succeed in His plans for our life, if we let Him in and have Faith. 

Song of Songs 7: 10 - I am my loves and he claims me as his own. Your right, verbally he has not. Even mentally he may not be there, but spiritually he knows. I have spent countless hours talking myself out of it. Telling myself that this is not what God wants, it can't be, because it is too hard. At times too painful. Wake up, God didn't promise easy and He didn't promise a hurt  free existent. I am fighting a worldly view and Satan, neither which I could do on my own. I need God. I

I am still in the process of finding more to use in this spiritual battle. Trust me, I argue with God regarding this man daily. In my journal along with these verses, I let him go. I gave my dream, and my heart to God. I let it go. How is this fighting if I am giving up? Oh ye of little faith, I am not giving up, I am giving it to God. God has it. I am trusting Him in this situation. I am praying. 

My next question was, "What if he doesn't come around to our way of thinking Lord". God gave us free will. He face us the choice to choose Him over all and he is giving this man the choice to choose what God has planned. I pray day in and day out for him, not just in the issue of a future relationship, but for the personal demons he has to fight. Satan wants nothing more than for him to sink into anger over previous relationships, over all that he has been through and continues to go through. 

This praying over my future marriage is not just for him, because he has the right not to choose this, even though I know in my heart (thanks to countless arguments with God over this) that he is the one. Does God do back up plans? He does, because we are so messy and human that we constantly mess up His plans for us and miss the first one. We marry the wrong people, I certainly did. We choose the wrong path, I have many times. We lose our way and while He will still fulfill His plan for us, He may have to work with the mess we made. 

This is hard for me to write because it makes me vulnerable. I don't know if he reads my blog, but if he does, I have just made myself extremely vulnerable. Yet I am writing this, not for me, but so that you know, those of you reading this, that you have to pray not just for marriage when or if it happens, but before it happens. Pray for it, bleed the blood over it, do whatever it takes. This doesn't guarantee an easy marriage, (what marriage is easy?), it doesn't guarantee a perfect marriage, but one built on the foundation of prayer and God's word is one that will work. One that will stay together regardless of the obstacles because you prayed God into it before it happened. Of course, once you are married you still have to pray God into it, you have build a foundation on His word, and you still have fight the evils of this world. What are you waiting for? Start praying! 

Until the Next Scribble...............

One of Those Days....

It is one of those days. you know the one, where your irritated for reasons you cant quite put your finger on. Or maybe you can put a finger on your irritation but refuse to do so. Who knows. Irritation is building and you know it is probably only a matter of time until you explode with either angry words or it could be print form. What ever the reason, what ever the cause, you are irritated and those close to you are the ones most likely to suffer your wrath. Unless of course you are in line at the coffee shop and the person in front of you has no idea what they want, while you stand behind them knowing exactly what you want. Heaven forbid the Barista (today's word for those who make your coffee), messes up your order.

As I sit here in the coffee shop working on a paper for class, I have see the irritation of customers who direct their frustration on the poor girls behind the counter. One got their coffee as ordered but decided to complain anyway. The joys of working with the public.

What about us as Christians? How do we handle frustration and irritation? Just because we have the label of Christian surrounding us, this does not automatically guarantee that my behaviors or my initial reactions are going to be changed the moment I accepted the label of Christian or accepted that God was in charge of my life, and neither did any of the other Christians living out there.

We are human and we are going to make mistakes, the questions that Christians face is whether or not we give our troubles over to God and ask for forgiveness when we are wrong. I have mentioned that I am mom (perhaps not in this blog post, but in others) and I am human, very capable of making daily mistakes with my choices, my parenting and my opinions. I can hurt the feelings of my children without ever meaning to. Just ask them.

We need to pray and read the word daily. Will this erase our humanness? Heavens no, we will always be vulnerable to our humanness. Always. The beauty is that God knows this! He really does and He loves us anyway. Despite our faults, our actions and how we behave.

Just yesterday I wrote this in my journal:

     Thank you Lord, that you accept me into your family. You accept me just as I am and you have opened your arms to accept me. For this I am truly grateful and blessed. I am blessed beyond all measure to have you as a Father. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

We only have to open our bibles and read His word to gain an understanding of just how much He loves us. It is written on every page of this very important book. All we have to do is open it. I have committed myself to starting my day of in His word and ending my day in His word. Some days I am really good at this and others I just really want to do nothing more than sleep in for a few extra minutes. As a single mom mornings are hectic (and no you don't have to be a single mom for your morning to be hectic). 

One of my go-to bible verses is Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Sometimes this is hard to remember, and we can take on frustrations we really do not have to take on.  

I am trusting God to work out my frustrations and the things I am waiting on. We have to trust Him, if we want the best for our lives. He knows our wants and our needs, He knows the desires of our hearts and as Psalms 37:3 says, we need to trust in him and take delight in him and He will give us the desires of our heart. The key to this is that He needs to be our number one desire. 

Let go of your irritation and frustration and give them over to God. He has this, you don't need to fight battles that He has already won for you. He already won today's battles, tomorrows and every other battle we face in the future. We may not get the answer we want, but it will be His best answer. 

Sit back, breathe and pray! 

Until the next Scribble......

Faith Realizations

I can honestly say that on the day I took my vows, I never saw myself as as a single mother, let alone a single mother without help from their father. I never saw him as the man I see him as now. Never knew how much I could love a person and then hate them just as much. I never wanted to hurt someone as much as I wanted to hurt this person that I loved more than anything. Ever been there? Divorce is a scary place. It shows you a side of yourself that even you never realized was there. I kept asking why God did this to our family, to our marriage.

He didn't. We did. Satan sent people to steal, kill and destroy, and we let these people destroy not only our marriage, but our the home our children felt safe and secure in. Where they felt loved and protected. We took the very foundation of their lives away and for what? For nothing. I can't speak for my ex-husband and I won't try. I am sure he has justified his mistakes and his part in taking away this security from our children. I know he fights his own battles with how we ended our marriage. 

I was young when I got married and I can honestly say I didn't know the first thing about commitment and marriage. About the sacrifices that came with home and family. I am a pretty good mom, and I love my children. I loved my husband, (something I never truly admit, because then I would have to admit to the hurt that came along with what he did). I look at my children and I wonder, who would they be today, had I fought harder for my marriage. Had we taken the time to realize that divorce had never been apart of God's plan for our family. Would they be the same as they are today and honestly I can say No, they wouldn't be. In a sense we broke them, and the sad part is, he doesn't even realize this. They have hurt, anger, bitterness and emotional scars they would not have and it is our fault. Not my fault, not his fault, but ours jointly. We broke the very people we promised to love, protect and keep from harm. 

This was not God's plan for our lives. 

Being a single mom is hard. It sucks. It was never the way it was meant to be. There are times when I want to yell and scream at God for allowing this to happen. For not stopping these people from interfering. When I look back, I blamed only one person and while her part is big, and she alone has to deal with God for her part in my broken family, we do too. We have to admit we gave up, instead of remembering that we promised to love, honor and cherish one another. We promised for better or worse and when worse came, we bailed. I distinctly remember God telling me to fight for my marriage, but I didn't know how. I didn't have the strength to fight and I failed to remember that God is my strength. 

Satan won this battle and we let him. We gave him the tools to do it and he had a field day. 

So what does this have to do with anything? Simple. Faith. I didn't have faith that God would heal what was damaged. I didn't have faith that God would give me the strength to fight for my marriage. My faith was lacking, big time. Not only was my faith lacking, but I gave in the lies and doubts that Satan was telling me. If I could go back, I would. Not just for my children, who deserved to have a mother who would fight for their family, not just her marriage, but for their home; but to undo all the ugliness of that time. To unsay all the hurtful things I said. You see, when I fell hurt or threatened, I attack and not in a nice way. I will aim for where I know it will hurt the most, I will then twist it until it hurts even more and that is what I did. 

Today I look back and realize just how much I had to have hurt this person who once was my life. How much I destroyed the person I loved. We both did this to each other. I gave in to my hurt, my anger, my bitterness and my children paid the ultimate price of that. No, I am not solely to blame, but I can own my part in it. 

What I realize today is God never left us. He never abandoned us and left us to our devices, we just ignored him. We let our worldly views cloud our spiritual ones. What I have learned through this difficult process of being a single mom and completely on my own raising these children, is that I am stronger than I give myself credit for, but I am only strong because my strength, (even when I didn't acknowledge it) comes from God. Phillipians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I can be a single mother. I can raise my kids on my own. I can make a way, where this no way, because it is not me doing it, it is God. He makes the way where there is no way. He gives me the strength to get through each day. 

Someday I may get married again....(there was a time when I wanted absolutely nothing to do with marriage again), and I can take what I have learned with me. However, I will fail again if I don't put God first in the next marriage. God has to come first. God need to be first. When we set our sights on Him, there is nothing we can't overcome. Satan can't destroy a foundation that is built on God's word, God's love and God's promises. I have learned so much about myself and my walk with God in the last little while. I can only pray that one day, I will be the woman God wants me to be. I can say this, I am not going back to the person I had become after my divorce...More on that later! Now its time to get ready and spend the day with my Little Man, to celebrate the miracle of his life...a.k.a his birthday!!! :) 

Until the next Scribble........