Forgiveness

As I sit here, trying to work on my presentation for class, I am stuck thinking about forgiveness. It was a conversation that got started and just decided to weave its way into my thought process, blocking all else until I sat down to write it. You know, that nagging little thought that starts out as a small pebble of information and keeps growing until you have this boulder of information that just needs to be said. I know you all know what I am talking about. :)

Forgiveness, it is the hardest thing to do. The very last thing that you want to do or give to someone who has wronged you, betrayed you, violated you, or just ticked you off. Everyday we run into people who innocently (and I say this because they in some cases they have no knowledge of their offense), cause us distress. Strangers who step on our toes by mistake, who cut in front of you in line, making you want to run them over with your cart, (nicely of course), or to bigger more traumatizing events caused by people you know, or even someone you have never met. Victims of rape have a really hard time forgiving their attacker (who they may or may not know), domestic violence sufferers, whose trust is broken and betrayed by the one person they are suppose to depend on with their life (parent, spouse or other relative), or the little girl whose best friend took her candy and ate it; all of these suffer un-forgiveness in their hearts for a time. What about divorce? We all know that no marriage or relationship is perfect, but divorce brings out the vicious and the ugly in the person we vowed to love for ever. That we promised before God to forsake all others and stay together in the good times and the bad, how do we forgive this person?

As I write this blog, I want to point out that I am not immune to anger, bitterness, or un-forgiveness...just the very opposite actually. I can hold a grudge better than a dog can hold onto his bone when someone is trying to take it, or better than a super-glued shelf to wall can stick. Its not about my ability to forgive, its not even that I forget, its that God gave me the grace to forgive.

What does un-forgiveness do? Well from personal experience I can tell you that not forgiving someone is dangerous. If you can't forgive those who trespass against you, why should God forgive you when you trespass against Him? Matthew 6:14-15 says: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you". Who wants that?  No one.

When we don't forgive others, we don't hurt them. They don't care. I will bet you that they don't even realize they you are angry and if they do, most likely they don't care. It is not affecting them. It is eating at you, keeping you from moving on, keeping you from living and keeping you from God. It keeps you from fully being able to love someone else. It is like a prison where you are kept in by your own refusal to forgive. You have the key! Go ahead and set yourself free. Pray, God will be only to glad to help you forgive.

I am not perfect and I hold a lot of stuff in. It comes out in my writings or my more so in my poetry, which is how I usually find out its there. I am so good at hiding my feelings, I don't even know about them until I sit down to write.

Have you ever looked at someone and saw red, literally? Has the very mention of a person caused your blood pressure to rise and your heart to start beating a mile a minute? Has a person you see or have talked about make you want to cry? Or start punching them until they can't stand anymore? If the very site of or mention of a person makes you want to cause them bodily harm or causes you anxiety, your un-forgiveness has now affected your health. Also this is a sign that you need to forgive them.

Forgiveness is not easy. There is no perfect plan or timing. It is just simply something that you need to do. For you. In the words of Elsa, from Disney's, Frozen,"Let it go!" Pray, pray and pray again. I pray for my ex-husband. I do. I pray for wisdom to see what he needs to do, for his sight to return so that he can see what he is doing to the children I know he loves. I pray for understanding and patience on my part so that I am not quick to anger or to judge. I knew his heart, I no longer know it nor do I understand it. I pray that he is happy and that he does well.

I pray for others who have hurt me or wronged me. It works. I don't hate my ex, part of me will always love him. He is the father of my children, and someone I used to love unconditionally. A part of him is always with me, whenever I look at my children I see the best parts of both of us. I see him in the way K works out problems, I see him in the way she gets excited over her Robotics team. I see him in S's sympathetic (which is not as often anymore) nature towards those less fortunate than she is or who struggle with something. I see him in A's very sensitive nature and even in M who has had nothing to do with him. So in a sense holding on to my anger and not forgiving him not only hurts me, but it hurts those four beautiful and innocent children we created together. I use him as the example of my un-forgiveness, because his betrayal hurt the most, and in some ways caused the most damage.

How do you forgive? How do you forgives someone when your very core resists doing so? Don't focus on the actions the person took against you. Focus on the lessons you learned from the situation and move away from the anger. What caused the person to do what they did? You may never know, but I once read somewhere that a happy person doesn't intentionally hurt anyone, only unhappy people do. So again pray for that person, it's what God would want you to do. There is no ten step program to forgiving someone, there is no right way or wrong way.

Colossians 3-13 says: "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complain against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do."

Forgive and set it free. It doesn't mean you forget, because let's face it, its hard to forget someone pulling our braid in third grade and chasing us around the playground causing us to fall, skin our knee and cry. Besides if you know anything about psychology, you know that everything stored in your long-term memory is always there just waiting to be recalled by some little trigger such as a piece of candy similar to the one little Johnny stole from you in kindergarten. Memories are forever stuck in our mind. If you were to forget, you would not be able to learn the lesson you needed to, therefore allowing yourself to repeat the incident. So no, you don't forget, you forgive and don't dwell on the event.

What does forgiveness do for you? Oh so much my dear! It allows you to feel a calming sense of peace. To be able to love unconditionally and wholly. To see that the person who wronged you is not some vile creature that you would find in a Steven King movie, but rather just a person who has faults and weaknesses just like you do. It sets you free of bondage from anger and bitterness. It allows you to move on and find peace. Forgiveness is for you...not them.

Okay so back to school work I go.

Until the next Scribble.......

Let Them Be Little

I was listening to the news yesterday and the Dj's were talking about a school in New york, that decided to not do their annual kindergarten program. What parent does not like going to their child's school and watching them sing, dance, and be cute. So why cancel something that teaches the children to get up in front of an audience and perform? Why cancel something that allows children to have fun while learning to memorize lines and songs?

The reason is....

Are you ready?

They decided it was more important to focus on studying and become college and career ready rather than have a kindergarten performance! Seriously?! As a parent, I have watched my children do kindergarten (and other grades) performances and it has not changed their minds of wanting to ballerinas, fireman, police, astronauts, or spider-man when they grow up. I have been annoyed with the education system for awhile, for my own reasons. For example when M was in kindergarten they expected children to color in the lines, and do realistic coloring. Are you kidding me? Who hasn't colored an apple blue? Hair purple? (For M this was realistic as his sister K had purple hair). They changed printing from block letters to pre-cursive writing so the letters now HAVE to have a little kick on then end. Really? Like I told his teacher, I am happy if he can just write the letters. Who expects perfection out of kindergartners? There is too much expectation out of our preschoolers and kindergartners.

I am all for education and learning. I love learning. The problem is that school is taking the fun out of education and being a child. I am not raising mini-adults, I am raising children and teaching them to become adults. I don't expect children to come out of the womb knowing how to recite the alphabet and write their name in pre-cursive form. Children need to play...they need to do their annual kindergarten performances. Why are we expecting so much out of someone who just recently learned to go potty in the toilet and put their shoes on the right feet?

Education is important, but is it so important that kindergartners focus on their careers and become college ready? I don't think so. I want my children to go outside and play dodge ball, jump rope, hopscotch and do fingerprinting. They just started their education and now we want them to be fluent in math, reading and writing. We want them to know what they want to do with their life at 4 and 5. Really?!

I say bring back the kindergarten program, let our children be little while they still can, and let them have fun while still learning their alphabets and numbers. Otherwise, we are going to have children who dread going to school.

[Image via Pinterest]