To Steve...

Now keep in mind it has taken me a long time to be able to say this and mean it. It does not mean that I condone is attitude or current behavior, however, this song is definitely for my ex-husband. Here is why:

He did stand by me for many of the years that we were married. I am the person I am today because (and some in spite of) of him. When I needed him to be, he was there, he was my strength. While he may hate me now, he is the one for many years who did believe in me.
When I was in the hospital he was there for me. He stood by side and he did what was needed to be done. He got someone to watch the kids and make sure they were taken care of.

While we may not see eye to eye on anything any more, we did while we were married. We never went to bed mad...(at least not until the end) and he was the best part of me for a long time. He gave me 4 beautiful and amazing children. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful to him for that. Life today would be completely different had he not been apart of my life.

The person he has become aside, he was an amazing father while he cared to be one, he was a great husband (and I admit a lot of the time I never paid attention). Hindsight really is 20/20. I do believe that God put us together, but neither of us really knew what to do when the going got tough, and with my stubborness and temper, I am sure it was not easy to get my attention. Life got in the way and that was both our faults not just his. He and I will be the only two who truly knew how great our marriage was for awhile. Had we trusted in God and had the faith of a mustard seed, who knows where we would be today. So while I do put a lot of blame on his shoulders, I do know that there is some I need to take too.

This song always makes me think of him. I can at least be thankful he most likely does not read my blog or even know it exists, so he won't see how sappy and nice I can be.

Betcha didn't see this coming when you all read the title did you.... :)

Until next time...

Coffee Shop Blog...

There is something about sitting in a coffee shop that makes me want to write, whether it be my blog, or just in general. I simply enjoy sitting here, drinking my coffee and writing. It's also fun to watch the people that come in and sit and conversate.
There is a mix of people, old, young, couples, people by themselves and students. People working on their laptops or reading on their kindles or even just talking. The environment of The Good Earth (my fave coffee shop) is calming, inviting and allows you to relax. It just seems natural for the creativity to flow.
What is your favorite place to relax? (I expect comments lol, I know you people are reading :D) At the coffee shop I don't have kids running around, asking me to find their clarinet, shoes, toys or whatever else tends to be missing at the moment. Seriously I could live here and be quite simply happy.

Have you ever sat in your coffee shop and wondered what possess people to wear what they do? Call me vain, but I don't leave the house in my pajamas (unless I know 100% I am NOT getting out of my car) and I brush my hair, put my makeup on and wear clean clothes. What's with the ratty, holy, tank tops that are so stretched out, they are not holding anything in and the shorts that unless you are a size 00 you should never consider walking out of the house in? What happened to dressing for your size? I'm not a size 00 or even a size 10, and I don't wear short shorts, shirts that don't completely cover me up, in fact I am looking for clothes that hide the flabby parts (gotta love having kids) not completely show them off. I'm just saying...dress for your size and everyone is happy and you look better.

And make up....wasn't the concept suppose to be to look natural or at least to enhance your facial features? The eye makes some of these people are wearing is scary, I mean clowns would back away! I am here to tell you all right now, if you take one thing away from this blog today....Yellow eyeshadow does NOTHING, I mean it, NOTHING for anyone! It looks horrible. Your makeup should enhance not take over, it should cover, not be painted on with a trowel!! Don't even get me started on the "Goth" or "Emo" looks, because quite simply those are scary not attractive...just sayin!

OK enough on the people watching tirade,

Summer is coming and I hope you all enjoy it! I plan too...somehow! :) I want it to fly by, not crawl at the speed of a turtle taking a sleeping pill....just sayin...

Until next time.....

A Single Mom Friday Night

Friday night. The end of the week and the day to unwind after such a long week. When your single its party night, when your married it might be date night, but when you are single with children there is a whole new theory to Friday night.
It begins (or at least tonight it did) at about 7pm. I had a date with two very handsome men and a little princess (OK she's not so little but I'm not ready to admit and she's not ready to give up the barbies soo..). We had a drink of milk and a pancake dinner while watching the very thrilling and suspenseful movie, Rio. Did I shave my legs for this? No, but it needed to be done.
The night ended with my 3 dates falling asleep and I tending to the bathroom clean up and putting the laundry away. Friday night scrub-the-toilet-night, and in bed by 10:30.
So here I sit in my pajamas (like I have been all night) my glamorous ponytail hairdo, no makeup  and in bed yawning.  We call this Family Date Night. The weekdays are full of school, activities, errands, school for mom, homework, cleaning and the myriad of things that are involved when you are raising four children on your own.

I could be single without kids, go to the club, hook up (that is still what they call it right?!) and get drunk, while waking up in the morning trying to figure out who's house I am at, how I got there and exactly how much did I drink last night? I could be wearing a mini skirt(well we are in fantasy land right), 6 inch heels and a halter top, make up and hair done and looking dressed to kill (probably myself in the 6 inch heels). I truly think I got the better end of the deal (minus the toilet scrubbing, that kind of sucks).

So Cheers and Happy Friday (and 3 day weekend for Kids who are in school) to you all.

Until next time.....

Will the Real YOU Please Stand Up.....

Everyday we make choices. We make plans based on the choices we have made. We get married, have children, follow a career path and these are choices we made. Some choices we had no part of, like being born, or who our parents are. These are choices made by other people that directly affect our lives, but we never think about the choices others have made for us.

We choose the paths we end up following and we only truly have ourselves to blame when the pieces don't fit anymore. Sure, we can't plan for the choices others make and that impact the course of our lives, but we can think more carefully about the choices we make in the future. The future is an unwritten story, one that we can write the ending to just by making better choices. The past can not be undone, but the future has yet to be written and therefore offers a bit of hope.

Who do you want to be from this moment on? Are you defined by your roles in life or the choices you have made? The regrets of the past need to be buried in order to move on. No one truly cares about what you do, but they do care about how what you do or where you end up affects them. What about wishes and wanting something you only THINK you want? There is a saying we all need to pay more attention to: "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it." I may have even said it in this blog before.

Is who you are working for you? If not, then let me tell you something you should already know, you need to change. I don't mean recreate yourself or change who you are, you need to start being who you really are. The real you is the one that needs to be shown to the world. Yet we hide who we are to protect ourselves. We play roles that we think we are suppose to play because that is what our families or society tells us is right. Its time to fight for what really matters: You!

We started being this facade of ourselves about the time we could comprehend what was expected from us. Who is the real you? The one you hide from the world in your journal or behind a wall that is so thick a jackhammer would have a hard time penetrating it. Who are you hiding yourself from? The one person you can't hide from is yourself and how can you look in the mirror when what looks back at you is a stranger?

Until next time....

You said what?!?

At the grocery store yesterday, I overhear a guy talking on his phone, (and you say we girls talk a lot), saying he doesn’t understand how on earth his wife could possibly think that her staying home with the kids all day is harder than going to work all day. The poor baby has to go to work every day and even on the weekends sometimes. Oh and he has a boss to deal with, and deadlines (Oh my), and he has actual work to do! How he would love to babysit (WHAT?! Babysit your own kids?!) all day and get to stay in his pajamas all day if he chooses (hey buddy even Peg Bundy got dressed). Hell half the time he is not sure she even brushes her teeth (are you kidding me, leave her!).  Motherhood, he states, the job of women who are lazy and lack ambition, seriously, (You’re not seriously wondering why you don’t get sex often anymore are you buddy??).  How hard can it be, he tells his friend, to wipe up spilled cheerios and watch TV all gosh darn day?

With the amount of respect he so obviiiiiously has for his wife, I can’t figure out my reluctance to take that road again! I want to smack him for his wife and save her the domestic dispute and spousal abuse charges, Mr. Sunshine would obviously charge her with.

Only about a million responses immediately flew to my head! Lazy and lack ambition? OK I have heard that before, but to say it about your own wife? The woman, who carried YOUR child for 9 months, gave birth and now gives up her career to be a mom to the child you two created? Oh buddy I would run! She must be a saint or blind!

How do you think your laundry gets done? What about the clean house to and who do you think cooks your dinner? Unless, and I highly doubt it, you have a maid, a cook and a laundry service your baby sitter did all that! Do you think little magic fairies arrive when you leave and *POOF* everything is magically done at the wave of a wand or twitch of a nose? (Oh how we all wish we could be Samantha Stevens)

So, to the overworked, probably under paid and absolute ray of sunshine, in the store, get a clue moron! We have bosses too, they just come in smaller packages, wear diapers, throw bottles at us and puke all over us daily, OR they come in the package of a demon possessed teenager who only knows, “I hate you”, “you ruined my life” or some other adorable explanation like that. They dictate our daily schedules 24/7, at least you get to leave your boss at the office ours climbs in our bed at night when they have a nightmare!

We once had figures that looked like a figure, we had time on our hands to do what we wanted and go where we want, now it’s about ballet, baseball and PTA!  Don’t get me started on deadlines! With our bosses it is now, Now, NOW or wham, bottle in the head because NOW was not soon enough!

We do your laundry, clean your house, raise your children, go to PTA meetings,  ballet class, pick up the cheerios off the floor, cook dinner,  pick up the toys, tuck them in to bed, does your boss need you to tuck them into bed? (Second thought, they better not!), we run your errands, go to the grocery store, listen to Barney or Dora the Explorer (or in the case of the demon possessed teenager strange music that sounds strangely enough like Satan yelling into a Mic!), and when we actually do try to have sex, a kid wakes up! Nothing in our lives is the same anymore, nor would we give up one second of it, but hey let’s trade for a day and see who is crying by the end of the day! It won’t be Mom (well until she sees all the work you didn’t get done because you couldn’t figure out how to run the washer and dryer, or turn the vacuum on or know what the word cleaning actually meant!) Just sayin….

Until next time....

♥Happy Mother's Day ♥

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms who read this. Being a mom is a lot of hard work, frustration (I mean who wouldn't be frustrated by blue painted footprints on their carpet?), tears (I just cleaned those window!) and prayers (Lord please help me make it through today without strangling this demon that has taken over my sweet baby! Help me to remember that I love her/him Amen). Whether you are a single mom or are in a relationship, there is so much about motherhood that makes us wonder sometimes what on earth we were thinking (usually about the time the legos start flying and the fighting over whose turn it is on the computer). No sane person would put themselves through this.
Today I was reminded how special our children are and how much they truly need us, even when they say they don't. We all want to run away, and some mom's do (the ones whose needs and selfish behavior out weigh their sense of what is right), but for those of us that don't, it's not because we are superwoman or because we have some special knack for raising children, we are just as in the dark about what to do as the next mom. We don't because we love our children and their health and well being are what we are about.
Our situation sucks right now and it is definitely not where I thought I would be 15 years ago when I was getting married. It's not where I had planned to be, where I want to be or where I plan to stay. No I am not talking about the physical place we are, I am talking about the situation. I am thankful for what we do have and I thank God everyday for the blessings we have, that we may not see when we are frustrated. Regardless of how hard it seems to get up everyone morning, I do, because of K, A, S, & M. They are the 4 reasons for everything I do. They are why I get up in the morning, fight the battles with them that I do, and smile while drinking my coffee in the morning. I know it can be worse than it is and there are people out there that have it worse than I do, but it's not a reason to run away or give up, for me its a reason to fight harder.
Mother's Day is a day to remember the greatest gifts we have been given (No not your amazing eyes or tiny waist). Our children. Without them we would not even have a reason to celebrate today. We of course have our moms, and nothing I don't think, makes us appreciate them more than when we have our own children. So go hug your babies and kiss them good night. Tuck them in, read them a story (I already did) and just enjoy your babies.
Every day as a mom is hard work. It's pure agony, frustration, anger with a lot of joy, happiness, love, awe, and wonder thrown in. The good always out weighs the bad and that sleepy little hug in the morning (you know the one you used to get but was lost amidst the teenage demon that has possessed your sweet little baby), is worth all the bad that comes with being a mom. Really its not bad either, its a learning process. We are all learning as we go. We make some mistakes, (Sorry K, I learned most of them with you) and we learn from them.
No one can make anything see better than Mom (except that first sip of Starbucks Caramel Macchiato in the morning) or hot cocoa!
I would not miss any of this for being single and childless. I will settle happily for being single with children!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥Happy Mother's Day to us ALL!♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Girls Be Girls, Guys be Guy...

     Why do people have to lie? Why do they think that they need to lie to you for you to like them? I don't understand this concept. I don't need you to like what I like, want to be in the field I want to be in, or say what you think I want you to say.
Why do people feel the need to make you feel small (or at least attempt to), while making themselves out to be perfect? Why does one need to feel bigger and better than someone? This is a concept I also don't understand.

     Ok girls (and I am sure you guys out there can benefit, but I can only write from the perspective of a girl), if  a guy you like or that likes you, puts you down, lies to you, trys to impress you by living their life the way you do, or tells you that the world is against them and they are all lying, if the facts don't add up to what they are telling you, and if the persona they are putting off contradicts their inate personality, move on. Find someone else, because this will inevitably be ycome your life. We don't want to hear that you are stronger than everyone in the world (hello your not), we don't want to hear that you no one can kick your ass, (someone can).

     I don't like aggressive men, however, I do like someone who can handle themselves if need be. I don't like men who say what I want to hear, trying to keep the peace. Please tell me the way it is, don't hold in like a little girl trying to play nice, let me have it. I may not like it, but I will repsect you in the long run.

     Call me names, I'm calling my dad (after all what are dad's for). I don't need to hear that I need therapy or you think I am nuts, when in truth your insane. Don't be an ass, because we ladies don't like it.

     I like men that are educated, (not to stereotype or generalize) I am not into cowboys or self-proclaimed rednecks. If you have an education, use it. Plain an simple. One thing girls like is to be able to depend on the person they are going to be with. If you are not dependable in EVERY area, we don't need you.

     Girls, (yes I am talking to you again), if you want a guy to treat you like a lady, give up the men and women are equal crap. Yes we are equal in that a guy is not better than a woman, a woman is not better than a guy, etc... etc... If you want to take the stand of equality and Women's rights, then don't be surprised when  guy treats you like a guy and hits you. IF you talk like a guy, act like a guys, then be able to take a hit like a guy. (no I am absolutely not condoning spousal abuse or abuse of any kind). You can cry fowl, when you are being treated as an equal to a guy. If he hits you, you are more than entitled to hit back (why do you think God gave us marble rolling pins and cast iron skillets to keep in our kitchens?). Maybe this is a little harsh, and maybe its not. I am not saying wear dresses, stay at home with the kids or become June Cleaver, I am saying, just be a lady.

     Guys, get a clue. We don't want a caveman. We want someone to love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, take care of us when we need it, support us always, tell us when we are being ignorant, stand up to us when the situation calls for it, kick the ass of anyone who needs it, (but don't be aggressive on a daily basis). We want you to be honest, loyal and like our children. We want you to not be a deadbeat, to not lie to us, not put us down, not call us names (we don't like the bully), and don't make yourself out to be god.) Be a shoulder to cry on, should we need it, be the rock in our lives and the place we want to be always. If you do that, we will do the same. Simple. You act like a jerk, we will too. Just saying!

OK this post is long enough....

Until next time......

What Would You Tell Yourself...

I was reading a book not that long ago called, Return to the Summerhouse, by Jude Deveraux and it go me thinking. In the book the (The first one is called, The Summerhouse) Three women able to go back to a time and change something if they choose to. This got me thinking, if I you could go back to a period (or periods) and have a conversation with a younger you, what age(s) would it be and what would you tell yourself? Here is what I came up with...

14 Years Old...

I would tell myself that having a step parent is not the end of the world and in the end you will be better off for having had him in your life. To make the most of the memories you will have because one day, he will not longer be here and everything you felt (but never told anyone) would be the most important thing to hear. ALSO, that boy you are really into..not that great and dating him is truly not worth pissing off your parents or ditching another boy for. Bad Choice there!

17 Years Old...

I would tell myself that marriage is not always the better choice. While in about 12 years you will find yourself divorced, you still need to get married in order to have the children you will have, BUT do not put off your education and career choices because while you should never go into marriage thinking you are going to get divorced, no one can predict the future and being prepared for anything is better than learning the hard way you should not have put off going to school. Also be a little nicer to your husband, even though he will eventually be an ass of gigantic proportions, he started out as a great husband and an even better father.

25 Years Old...

So your husband cheated on you and you chose to forgive him and stay married. LET IT GO! Don't hold onto the hurt and anger you feel because he cheated on you. You chose to stay. You loved him enough to give him a second chance. Life threw you a curve ball you never saw coming from the last person you ever expected to hurt you. Put your big girl panties on and move on.

27 Years old...

Stay in Canada. Even though your life is not what you had planned. A baby, a divorce and the end of the world as you knew it, Canada is your home and you truly should stay. The US does not offer you anything you can not get in Canada. Bitterness will get you no where. While I, at 32, would love to tell you that you should befriend the woman your ex cheated on you with (Yup again), I am not there yet still. Give it to God. God has a plan for your life from this point on and the sooner you realize it, the better. Now you just need to focus on your children, the new life you have been forced into and your education. (See had you listened to me at 17 you would need to just focus on your career and family but...) Stay focused and trust God.

Now of course we can not go back in time and talk to our younger selves. What we can do is learn from them and realize that today is all that counts. We can't change yesterday, Tomorrow is not a guarantee and Today is all we have to do what counts. Maybe there is that guy (or girl) you have been wanting to connect with, but not sure you should or you can't, just do it. The worst they can say is no. Maybe there is a move you are contemplating, do it. Don't put off til tomorrow what you can do today. We are not given a road map or instructions on how to live our life, we are not informed of the outcome of our decisions so just go for it. Why wait? What are you waiting for? If you don't do it, you will never know and you will always wonder.
Of course as I am sitting here writing this, I can come up with a million and one reasons as to why its not a good idea to contact that guy and why moving could be a bad idea and so on and so forth...

Until next time.....