Dear Children,

Dear Children,

For years now I have made your beds, cleaned up your messes and prepared your meals. I have washed your clothing and cleaned the house. I have taken a moment to Thank God for blessing me with the four of you.
I have cleaned poop smeared on walls and bedding because I took advise and let you cry. I have walked in on you painting my carpet and walls with paint Daddy forgot to put up. I have been angry with you, shocked and amazed by you. I have been baffled beyond belief by each of you over the years.
I have been covered in your drool, vomit (totally disgusting) and hugs. I have listened to Dora the Explorer and Thomas the Tank Engine more times that I care to admit (I even know some of the theme songs to lame cartoons)
I watched you roll over, crawl and then walk for the first time. I have taken you to school and followed you there on your first days of Kindergarten.
I have stepped on Lego's, hot wheels and barbie paraphernalia. I have watched you as you play with your toys, read your books and studied your homework. I have been here when you needed help, and will continue to do so throughout your life.
I have refereed fights, listened to senseless babble caused by fighting and watched as you have wanted to kill one another.
I have held you, rocked you, comforted you, cleaned you, and taken care of you when you were sick. I have nurtured you, cherished you and been extremely thankful for each and every one of you.
As our lives have changed and I have watched you grow, I have made sure that you are all cared for and provided for. Sometimes those changes have not been easy, down right hard even, sometimes you have hated me, and I have wondered why I do this every day. We have had many ups and currently some downs. Life has not turned out how we thought it would, but we are still together and that is what is important.
So as I continue to take care of you, cook for you, wash your dirty laundry and make your beds, I want to let you know that even on the days I want to shake you until I can figure out what is making you the insane demon child you have become on occasion, that I love you and I will always love you. I am here for you every day and for whatever you need.
Regardless if you are bad, angry, happy, sad, or just plain stubborn (you get that from your mom and your dad ,so blame dad), I love you and each day I have with you is a blessing that I do not take for granted.

Love,

Mom

Motherhood (or Fatherhood)

Motherhood, that one little word says a whole lot. **If you are a Father reading this, substitute Mother/Mom/Mommy/Motherhood for Father/Dad/Daddy/Fatherhood because your role in their life is just as important as ours!

Motherhood is teaching children right from wrong, its about making sure your children do the right thing and make the right choices in their lives. It's wanting the best for children and praying they listen to your wisdom, (even though your sure you do not sound wise).

At times (OK most of the time) it is a tiring and thankless job. Doing laundry over and over to make sure your children have clean clothes to wear, spending the majority of your time in the kitchen (my favorite place to be) to make sure they have healthy food to eat, and keeping the house clean so that they have a healthy environment to live in.

The frustrating times (like yesterday) when you punish the child until her progress report comes in and she makes your life absolutely miserable. Until you realize, she can not leave the house, but you can! Ha ha. When you step on a Lego in the dark and kill your foot. When the clothes made it in front of the hamper and not IN to the hamper. (My ex husband was great for this)

The fights, oh the joys of the fights! Listening to kids fight at bedtime when they are suppose to be going to sleep. Fights over doing their homework, fights over getting in the shower, and the biggest fight of all, getting off the video games! O joy, how I do love the fights!

Then there are the moments that make it all worth while! When your child is sick and wants to lie down next to you (like my 13 year old last night), and only mommy will do. When you witness them doing something you taught them to do, (but thought they were not listening). When you watch your child open the door for an elderly person and you didn't have to ask her to do it. When you come home and the house has been cleaned up like you asked them to do! They seem like little things, but really they are the biggest moments in the Mommy Career, that you realize it is all worth it. Every fight, every struggle, every tear, and every pull your hair moment is 100% worth it. Just to experience those Proud Mommy Moments.

Even when you know (or feel like) everything that you are doing is wrong, turns out it will all work out OK in the end. Motherhood requires prayer and quiet reflection and to know that when you are close to knocking your child through the wall, that you can leave for a little while and calm down.

The number 1 rule of Motherhood we all need to know is: If your child says, "I hate you!", "You suck" or "Your ruining my life", know that you are doing something right!

Until next time.....

Job Interviews and Search

I hate interviews. Usually, this is the process in the job search where I fail miserably. I can feel fully confident right before I enter the interview and completely fail. I mean failure to the point that if they called me back for a second interview, I am not sure I would want to work for them. It's like all the information I have stored in my head, disappears and only to bee seen again AFTER the interview is over. UGH!

I can present a professional look, I am organized, I am friendly, (although my mom's boss seems to think I look mean) and I know what I am doing. However, ask me all this in an interview, and I give a blank look that only a true blonde, when asked what her name is, can give.

It's as if I know that I need this job, which I do, and I screw it up, because I put too much pressure on myself to get it. Lord help me.

So, I just applied for a job that I applied for last year. Same place, same position. I know the interview process, and I know the information they are going to ask for. I just need to keep the confidence I have the minute before I enter the room.

Easy peasey right? Sure!

You would think that the one thing in this world that would be easy to sell is yourself! WRONG! It is the hardest thing to do. Especially when you need the job to be able to take care of your children. So keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck! Lord knows I need it!

Until next time.....

Presidential race...

I am watching Dr. Drew on TV right now. The topic right now is Newt Gingrich's ex-wife's video. She talked about him wanting an open marriage and her refusal to have one.

Running for president is basically a form of self annihilation. If you so much as peed on a tree in the playground in preschool, they will dredge up when you are running for president. Everything you have ever done will be dragged through the mud. From cheating on a test in 6th grade, to getting drink for the first time in high school. Nothing is sacred, nothing is private and nothing is kept out of the media. I am not saying that one doesn't need to be held to some standards when they are running for any government office. However, he has been in the political field for some time now, and now she decides to come out with this interview. He cheated on his wife, not good. Does it mean he can not be president? No. His personal life has nothing to do with his presidential capability.
No one on this planet, can say they don't have something in their past that they are not proud of. Something they did, that at the time, seemed like a good idea, but in hindsight are not the best choices we could have made.
If, and I said if, because obviously we are dealing with a bitter woman, who has not moved on with her life, what she says in her interview is true, it was in the past. Not to mention, you should have left him when he asked you for an open marriage.
Not one of us can judge Newt Gingrich for his indiscretions, only God can do that. Only God can forgive us of our sins and judge us for who we are and what we have done. God is our judge, jury and executioner.
So, anyone basing their election votes based on the interview this obviously jealous, bitter and scorned woman, then you must be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you are perfect and don't have a single flaw in your past.

The Perfect Man...

Okay, so we all know that there is no such thing as the perfect man (or woman). However, there is a list we all have that we compare the men we date with. Admit it, you have one. Well a while back some friends of mine and I were out (admittedly a couple drinks were involved), discussing the morons that have passed through our lives, and the not-so-morons. Then we got to thinking about what the "perfect" guy would be like for each of us. Notably we all had similar qualities that would make a man perfect.

**To Any Men reading this. You can not live up to it, don't try**

1) Physical Perfection:

• Dark colored hair
• Green or Brown eyes
• No extra body fay
• Physically fit and exercises regularly
• 5'9 at least

2) Personality Perfection

• Opens the door for us
• Puts the toilet seat down
• Knows when to keep their mouth shut
• Caring
• Sensitive, but no sensitive that we need to hand them a tissue during Titanic
•  Not a momma's boy - eventually boys its time to cut the cord. We want you love your mom, but not to the point that makes it over the top and we take 2nd place.
• Tough, but not so much that it makes you bully material. We hate bully's. Stand up for the woman being physically assaulted or even verbally, but if a guy asks to buy us a drink, don't beat the crap out of them for it. (We are not going to accept)
• Unpossesive - we are not your possession

There was more, but that basically sums it up.

Now reality is that, while we want to be physically attractive to you, you do not need to be a Greek God nor do you need to look like one. Hot, to us, is more about your personality than if you have washboard abs. It's about how you treat your mom or grandma, how you carry yourself and that you put us before all else. Reality is, that we love it when you do the little things for us, like carry the groceries in, or take the kids out for the day so we can relax. It's not about the gifts you buy us, or the amount of money you make. (The fact that you make money is a must, but it does not have to equal to Donald Trump).
Your past, as is ours, is in the past. We all have made mistakes, done things we are not proud of and will again make mistakes and do things we won't be proud of, but the past needs to stay there. Unless you were in prison for murdering your previous girl friend/wife, then we may even be able to over look that.
I do admit that not having been to jail or prison for any reason is a plus in your favor with me, but I can not speak for all woman. Drug use, is absolutely, positively, 100% out of the question. We will not tolerate it. Again if it is in the past, and it stays there, it might be overlooked.

We each (men and woman alike) have our list, some more strict than others, but in the end the fact that you love us and love our children, make you the perfect boyfriend (or girlfriend).

Poem Needs a Title

I wrote this not that long ago. It literally just popped into my head :). Any suggestions for a title?

Winter Looms

Stark and dreary

Cold and bitter frost.

Snow covers the ground,

a blanket of white.

Love turns cold

as a door closes.

Snowflakes fall

as tears drop to the ground.

Winter Looms,

love dies,

hearts break.

Spring will come,

hope renews,

leaves return to green,

sun shines bright

hearts will mend

as birds fly.

Spring will come.

Summer rounds the bend,

a door opens.

Joy returns

warmth evolves,

fading.

Summer rounds the bend,

fading into fall.

Autumn brings color,

reds, golds and browns.

Joy settles

wounds are healed,

love may have gone, but hope remains.

Leaves fall to the ground.

Birds fly south.

Life and love

have come full circle.

Time has changed,

hearts have healed,

tears of gone.

Winter Looms

Home

M and I took a walk this afternoon, and watching him look at the rocks, the trees and the animals we saw, I saw where we lived through his eyes. I am not a country girl, by any stretch of the imagination. I hate camping, don't like fishing and would never dream of going hunting. I am definitely a city girl, but as we walked, I watched the enjoyment on M's face in even the smallest things. Like this flower for instance. It was just a weed growing among other weeds, but M loved it.

Home is not a house. A house is just an empty dwelling until you move in and fill it with your memories. Home is not where you live, but where you live your life. Home is anywhere K, A, S, M and I are. I came to the realization today, that I can live anywhere as long as they are with me. They bring so much to my life. Not to mention, if we take the time to look around us, beauty is everywhere, even in that small flower weed growing in the ground.

Until next time.....

Beauty and the Beast

Last night, S and I went to the theaters and saw Beauty and the Beast in 3D. This has always been one of her favorite movies. She has not watched it years and the ending is still her favorite part. The part where Chip (the little cup), when turned back into a little boy says, "Do I still have to sleep in the Cupboard?"

I love spending time with kids one on one. They are each amazing individuals (and of course there is the added benefit to them not being able to fight with each other). I love learning who they are and watching to see who they are going to become. It is the most amazing thing in the world to me.

M has a new phrase he learned from a little friend of his in school: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" I am going to adopt this as my new philosphy on parenting.

So for any of you readers out there who are thinking about taking their little girls to see Beauty and the Beast, do it! I had forgotten how good of a movie it is.

http://youtu.be/uQ0ODCMC6xs

Until next time....

Canada vs. USA

Over the last few days, I have pondered this question, without any answers to it. Part of me would like to keep my children where we are, just for the simple fact that they are adjusted to living here and have friends here. The other part of me wants to move back to Canada. Immigration issues being what they are, and they are legally allowed to be here, (somewhat), it just makes more sense to move back.

My ex, God love him, refuses to be of assistance in getting them registered with the US embassy in Canada, closest to where they were born, so that leaves me stuck. I can't force him to go with my to Canada and do this, (I might add he is here in the US, not working, not supporting his kids, financially or emotionally, doing absolutely nothing), even though this would benefit our children.

I get that he is angry, bitter, or whatever psychological babble you want to put on it, but in my book that does not give him the right to take these issues out on our children.

I don't hate him, as I have said before, but at this moment I am irritated with him and his inability to be an adult and communicate. Or at least do what is in the best interest of our children. Last time I checked I did not create them alone, but then again maybe I did. Maybe he was there physically for the act (duh) but not there emotionally or in any other capacity other than physical. Regardless, I don't feel that I should be the only one responsible for them. But what can I do? Nothing. I can do nothing. I have taken custody away, he helped after all by not responding to the custody papers and that is all I can do.

It bothers me that we can not be adults and talk to each other like we used to about our children. At one time this was extremely important to the both of us, and still is to me. I know divorce changes your relationship and it is suppose to, but at the end of the day we are still parents of the same children. Just like we were before we got divorced. I guess I am done ranting for the day.

Until next time....

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope that all of you have a great New years and that 2012 is a good year for everyone. I know that 2011 in our family was not the greatest, but we made due and we persevered,

The start of the year is when everyone makes their resolutions. I don't. Resolutions just seem to get broken or forgotten when really all we need to do is set goals. With goals there is a beginning, middle and end. End being the achievement of reaching your goal. A new year is definitely a time for reflection on the past year, seeing what we have learned, finding what we have gained and remembering what we have lost or what has been taken away from the last year; so that we can bring forth that knowledge and use in the next year.

Who knows what is in store for us in 2012. What we do know, is that there will be some good, some bad, a whole year of new prospects. When the previous year is bad, it is hard to look forward to a new year and be hopeful that it is going to be better than the last and guess what? It might not be better, but we can at least look forward to having a clean slate and being ready to face any challenges that appear be for us. We are stronger than we give our selves credit for and the proof is in the simple fact that we are still here, still standing, still fighting and still trying to better our lives and the lives of our families.

Maybe we don't have the perfect life we wanted, but no one does. Maybe we are alone, but then again if you have children, you are never really alone.  Maybe our hearts are broken, or dreams are lying in pieces on the floor, but we can mend our hearts and we can create a new dreams. Remember we are only here for a limited time and the question is, how do you want to be remembered?

Happy New Year and here is to all the prospects that 2012 has in store.

Until next time...