As a single mom, ladies I can tell you, dirty laundry happens and that does not mean that it has to affect our children. Yet I have numerous male friends who are being kept from their children for the sake of bitterness. Mom's who are trying to use their children to harm the other parent. Sure, you are affecting their dad and hitting him where it hurts, but who you are really harming are your children. You are keeping them from the other person in their life they love just as much as they love you. For what? Let me tell you right now, you are doing for no reason that matters, for no reason that is valid, just out of sheer bitterness and anger. You are allowing your anger and hatred to cloud your better judgement and you are harming the child(ren) you claim to love more than anything.
Acceptable Reasons to Keep a Child from the Other Parent
- The other parent is in jail
- The other parent is currently under the influence of drugs or alcohol
- The other parent has been physically, emotionally or verbally abusive to the child(ren).
- The other parent is living with a person who is dangerous, abusive or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- The other person has a mental disorder that is not currently being treated and they pose a danger to the child(ren).
- The other parent is a pedophile or has sexually abused your child(ren).
I am sure there are reason not on this list that I have missed, but you get the idea. Unless there is a very valid reason to protect your child from their father, don't keep them apart. My ex-husband has not seen his children in about 8 years and calls them on their birthday and holidays. Our divorce was not pretty and I can say that neither of us handled the other person very well. At one point I felt the need to protect my children from being taken and I would never see them again. Why? He said he would pick them up from school and I would never see them again. I weighed the likelihood of him actually doing this and part of me would swear up and down that he would never do it, but I just didn't know. Divorce has shed a whole new light on this person I had loved and married. So I got full physical and legal custody, which he never contested. Little did I know this piece of paper would be his excuse not to see our children, even though I have tried to change it a couple times, he never complies.
Now I am not here to use this post or this blog to ever badmouth my ex, he is in all reality a good person and he started out as the greatest father I have ever seen. He was great with our children and he loved them wholeheartedly, I am just not sure what happened. Divorce is ugly and I did my share of things to him that I regret 100% (and perhaps that can be my next blog or a future one). I have said things to him I regret, I threw a blender at him and the list goes on and on. I was hurt and I was angry. I never thought that our divorce would take away the one other person that matters most on this earth to my children...their dad.
Ladies, if you listen to anything listen to this....your children need their dad just as much as he needs them. You loved this man once, enough to create life with him. You created these precious children with this person and he deserves to be in their life just as much as you do. Put your feelings aside and do what is best for those sweet children, who love this man. Their dad. I would move heaven and earth for my children to have a relationship with their dad, to spend summers with their dad (we are on separate sides of the country), and every other Christmas and etc... I would give anything for them to be able to hang out with their dad and hug him and laugh with him and just be together.
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| My dad with K, A, S, M! |
"He doesn't pay child support" you say, well guess what, neither does my ex, but I would still never use this as a reason for them not have a relationship with their dad. Yeah he should, he helped create them, but don't let that prevent the children from knowing their dad. The other half of who they are.
He divorced you, not them. Let;s get to the bottom of the matter, for most of you this hits home. He left you, he divorced you, so you are going to punish him...No! That is not how it works. God will deal with him on his flaws and his misdeed, just as He will deal with you on yours, but don't interfere in the relationship between father and child. I could through numerous statistics in here, but I don't feel the need. I just need you to know that the only one this doing any real damage to....your child(ren). They suffer the most. They turn it inward and blame themselves or think daddy just doesn't love me anymore.
It breaks my heart to see my children suffering from not having their dad around. S things her dad hates her. M has never known what it is like to have a dad and may never know. K misses the guy she loves and whose interests match her own. No guy will ever replace her daddy in her heart. A needs his dad so desperately to teach him the things he needs to know and to talk to. They are all hurting in their own way and I can only pray that one day he will realize the damage he is doing to these children.
STOP! Stop hurting your kids. Drop your vendetta against this person and do what is best for your children, not what is best for you. You divorced the other person, but that does NOT give you the right to keep these children, that you claim to love, from their dad! Keep your feelings and opinions in regards to your ex to yourself and cultivate the second most important relationship your child will ever have.
Last but not least for those of your that have new relationships and are remarried, your ex, the person you created this child with is still their dad! Not your new partner. Yes the stepparent relationship is important too, but not nearly as important as the one with their real father. Just because you started a new relationship does not give you the right to literally try and replace their father with this new man. It will only end up causing you more problems in the end...in your new relationship and in your home. It will cause problems between your children and your new partner. NO ONE can replace their dad, just like no woman he gets involved with could ever replace you.
Put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself how you would feel if the other parent did this to you? How would you feel if you were the one being kept from your own child? How would you feel if someone tried to turn your precious children against you? You would hate it. You would be heartbroken and sad. You would be angry. This is how their dad feels.
Okay, rant over. This is an issue I feel strongly about, and one that needs to change. The importance of a father in the life of a child is significant. They need dad and dad needs them. All this will accomplish, is them possibly resenting you for keeping them from their dad.
Until the next Scribble.........
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