Scribbles On The Wall

It has been a fairly easy going and relaxing day at our house. I got the cleaning done, while M was taking a nap. With a rare quiet afternoon looming ahead of me, I turned off the TV and even Facebook....yes I turned off Facebook, lit some candles, brewed some Chai Green Tea, a little light music in the background and sitting on the couch and reading some of my book. It was truly the most relaxing afternoon I have had in awhile. The candles are still glowing, the two children that are home are doing their own various activities. K is doing Sudoku puzzles and M is playing with his wooden puzzles.

Have you ever thought about how happy you truly are? When I was married, I knew I was truly happy. My life revolved around my family and I enjoyed it. I loved it and all was right in my world. I loved being a wife and a mother and staying home with my children.

Life after divorce was a whole new world for me. Presented a handful of new and not so fun challenges. There were more issues and problems than there were enjoyable moments. Needless to say I was not happy. In the 4 years I have been separated and divorced, I have spent most of that time trying to figure out what went wrong. For a while, a long while life was truly perfect, with its share of problems, but I wouldn't have changed it. Or so I thought. While I still don't know what changed in our marriage, I know that  dwelling on it now it not going to change the outcome. I am still going to be divorced, he is still going to be with "the other woman" and regardless of my feelings toward him now (which I can not put into print), I need to focus on me, my children and our future without him in it.

Happiness is a choice. Even in the darkest parts of our lives, there are still things we can enjoy, moments we can cherish and people we need to spend time with. Our children are only small for a short time.Today I played puzzles with M, we also drew pictures, and I read a book.  K and I had a short conversation in the living room and A and I read 4 chapters of The Clone Wars book 1. S and I didn't have  a whole lot of quality time today, but we did chat for a bit about her doll and the owie she obtained moving a chair. We can choose to enjoy our children and not tell them we are too busy to take a moment out of our day to spend time with them.

It's not just the the children though. It's our life in general. We are only given one life. One chance to make the most of what we are given. My current situation is not nearly ideal, but I can choose to be miserable or I can choose to enjoy my life and my children. Maybe I am growing up, or maybe even just growing in a new direction, but this is my choice and I don't want to be miserable in my life, because I can't currently change the situation I am in right now. It will change, it will get better and it will be alright no matter what the future holds.

I am focusing my attention on taking care of my children, completing school and living my life to the best of my ability. Happiness is our choice, its probably one of the few things that we actually have control over. So what are you going to choose?

Until next time....