Girls Be Girls, Guys be Guy...

     Why do people have to lie? Why do they think that they need to lie to you for you to like them? I don't understand this concept. I don't need you to like what I like, want to be in the field I want to be in, or say what you think I want you to say.
Why do people feel the need to make you feel small (or at least attempt to), while making themselves out to be perfect? Why does one need to feel bigger and better than someone? This is a concept I also don't understand.

     Ok girls (and I am sure you guys out there can benefit, but I can only write from the perspective of a girl), if  a guy you like or that likes you, puts you down, lies to you, trys to impress you by living their life the way you do, or tells you that the world is against them and they are all lying, if the facts don't add up to what they are telling you, and if the persona they are putting off contradicts their inate personality, move on. Find someone else, because this will inevitably be ycome your life. We don't want to hear that you are stronger than everyone in the world (hello your not), we don't want to hear that you no one can kick your ass, (someone can).

     I don't like aggressive men, however, I do like someone who can handle themselves if need be. I don't like men who say what I want to hear, trying to keep the peace. Please tell me the way it is, don't hold in like a little girl trying to play nice, let me have it. I may not like it, but I will repsect you in the long run.

     Call me names, I'm calling my dad (after all what are dad's for). I don't need to hear that I need therapy or you think I am nuts, when in truth your insane. Don't be an ass, because we ladies don't like it.

     I like men that are educated, (not to stereotype or generalize) I am not into cowboys or self-proclaimed rednecks. If you have an education, use it. Plain an simple. One thing girls like is to be able to depend on the person they are going to be with. If you are not dependable in EVERY area, we don't need you.

     Girls, (yes I am talking to you again), if you want a guy to treat you like a lady, give up the men and women are equal crap. Yes we are equal in that a guy is not better than a woman, a woman is not better than a guy, etc... etc... If you want to take the stand of equality and Women's rights, then don't be surprised when  guy treats you like a guy and hits you. IF you talk like a guy, act like a guys, then be able to take a hit like a guy. (no I am absolutely not condoning spousal abuse or abuse of any kind). You can cry fowl, when you are being treated as an equal to a guy. If he hits you, you are more than entitled to hit back (why do you think God gave us marble rolling pins and cast iron skillets to keep in our kitchens?). Maybe this is a little harsh, and maybe its not. I am not saying wear dresses, stay at home with the kids or become June Cleaver, I am saying, just be a lady.

     Guys, get a clue. We don't want a caveman. We want someone to love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, take care of us when we need it, support us always, tell us when we are being ignorant, stand up to us when the situation calls for it, kick the ass of anyone who needs it, (but don't be aggressive on a daily basis). We want you to be honest, loyal and like our children. We want you to not be a deadbeat, to not lie to us, not put us down, not call us names (we don't like the bully), and don't make yourself out to be god.) Be a shoulder to cry on, should we need it, be the rock in our lives and the place we want to be always. If you do that, we will do the same. Simple. You act like a jerk, we will too. Just saying!

OK this post is long enough....

Until next time......

What Would You Tell Yourself...

I was reading a book not that long ago called, Return to the Summerhouse, by Jude Deveraux and it go me thinking. In the book the (The first one is called, The Summerhouse) Three women able to go back to a time and change something if they choose to. This got me thinking, if I you could go back to a period (or periods) and have a conversation with a younger you, what age(s) would it be and what would you tell yourself? Here is what I came up with...

14 Years Old...

I would tell myself that having a step parent is not the end of the world and in the end you will be better off for having had him in your life. To make the most of the memories you will have because one day, he will not longer be here and everything you felt (but never told anyone) would be the most important thing to hear. ALSO, that boy you are really into..not that great and dating him is truly not worth pissing off your parents or ditching another boy for. Bad Choice there!

17 Years Old...

I would tell myself that marriage is not always the better choice. While in about 12 years you will find yourself divorced, you still need to get married in order to have the children you will have, BUT do not put off your education and career choices because while you should never go into marriage thinking you are going to get divorced, no one can predict the future and being prepared for anything is better than learning the hard way you should not have put off going to school. Also be a little nicer to your husband, even though he will eventually be an ass of gigantic proportions, he started out as a great husband and an even better father.

25 Years Old...

So your husband cheated on you and you chose to forgive him and stay married. LET IT GO! Don't hold onto the hurt and anger you feel because he cheated on you. You chose to stay. You loved him enough to give him a second chance. Life threw you a curve ball you never saw coming from the last person you ever expected to hurt you. Put your big girl panties on and move on.

27 Years old...

Stay in Canada. Even though your life is not what you had planned. A baby, a divorce and the end of the world as you knew it, Canada is your home and you truly should stay. The US does not offer you anything you can not get in Canada. Bitterness will get you no where. While I, at 32, would love to tell you that you should befriend the woman your ex cheated on you with (Yup again), I am not there yet still. Give it to God. God has a plan for your life from this point on and the sooner you realize it, the better. Now you just need to focus on your children, the new life you have been forced into and your education. (See had you listened to me at 17 you would need to just focus on your career and family but...) Stay focused and trust God.

Now of course we can not go back in time and talk to our younger selves. What we can do is learn from them and realize that today is all that counts. We can't change yesterday, Tomorrow is not a guarantee and Today is all we have to do what counts. Maybe there is that guy (or girl) you have been wanting to connect with, but not sure you should or you can't, just do it. The worst they can say is no. Maybe there is a move you are contemplating, do it. Don't put off til tomorrow what you can do today. We are not given a road map or instructions on how to live our life, we are not informed of the outcome of our decisions so just go for it. Why wait? What are you waiting for? If you don't do it, you will never know and you will always wonder.
Of course as I am sitting here writing this, I can come up with a million and one reasons as to why its not a good idea to contact that guy and why moving could be a bad idea and so on and so forth...

Until next time.....

Following God

Being a parent today is hard. We have so many things to worry about where are children are concerned. Drugs, gangs, and so much more, and the list it seems, just keeps growing. As a single parent we have added worries. Studies that say children from broken homes are more likely to do drugs and join gangs and fall down a path that is not what you dreamed about the first time you held that precious and innocent baby. We also worry about the people we bring into their lives. As a single parenting, dating seems scary, and it should. Who should we bring into their lives? Who should we avoid? Is there a right time to introduce someone you are dating? How long do we date before we introduce? Should we date at all?

Here is what I realized today, our paths are already predetermined. God always knows what path we will choose, whether it be the right one, or the wrong one, he already knows. I am famous for choosing the wrong one. As I look over the course of my life, I have usually chosen the wrong path. Dated the wrong people and even went so far as to dump the right person for the wrong person just to annoy my parents. Brilliance there. I don't dwell on the past, but sometimes we have to revisit the past to make changes for the future.

I know what I want in my life and what I don't want. Professionally my goals are clear and I am working on them now. Personally, I have a vague idea of what I want in the distant future, but then again my plans may not be God's plans an I truly need to follow God's plans for my life. I have strayed from God's path, but I realize now, that the only way my life will make sense is to follow God.

Also I am also great at focusing on the negative, (easy to do right?) Well no more. Every morning I am making it a goal to thank God for the blessings I have in my life. I am no longer going to dwell on what I don't have, but focus on what I do have. It may not be much, but its still more than some people have. A visit to my cousin in Utah reminded me that I need to focus on God and listen to him.

I am human and I will stumble and I will make mistakes. Some days it will be harder to focus on what the positive and the negative will seem more abundant, those are the days I need to fight harder to remember what I do have.

So, since I know there are those of you that read this, I am going to challenge each of you to count your blessings, put the negative aside and concentrate on the positive. Make a list of your blessings and Thank God for them every morning. There are more blessing than you think when you sit down to list them. Feel free to post a comment with one or two blessings you are thankful for. Here are a couple of mine:

1) I have four healthy and beautiful children who are the center of my world.
2) I am going back to school to obtain the degree I have always wanted to earn.
3) I am healthy
4) I am thankful for my ex as without him, I would not have my wonderful children. (and I pray for him every day)
5) I have a roof over our heads and though the situation I know is temporary, I am thankful for it now

There are many more I am thankful for, but these are just a few I wanted to share with everyone to help you get started with your own list.

Until next time.....

And Now.....

It is time to relax and get back into our daily routines. After 2 weeks of traveling, first a 10 hour drive to Utah to visit family, and then a 3 hour drive to SF, 3 days after we returned from Utah, for my dad's wedding, I can finally get my family back on track.

We have spent an equivalent of 40 hours or more in the car in the last 2 weeks. I will say that having a DVD player in the car is a MUST for any parent. It is almost eerie how quiet the car gets when there is a movie on for them to watch.

I have accumulated some tips for child travel, that I will implement on our future travels.
1. Must, MUST, MUST have a DVD Player in the car and have the car stocked with movies.
2. ALWAYS travel in a van or SUV big enough to hold 4 kids.
3. Buy bottle water and easy snacks...this lightens up the amount of times you have to stop.
4. Back each child a Kid Kit: books, toys, games and whatever else occupies your child's attention
5. Listening to KLove will calm you down, Lady Gaga, not so much
6 If your child says, "Mom, I have to Pee, STOP! Even if there is not a bathroom near by! STOP! Let the child pee for crying out loud!
7. In Nevada if you find yourself going 100 and pass a cop sitting on the side of the road....he will not pull you over. Apparently this OK, or maybe being in a minivan he figured I had a car full of children who were getting on my nerves and I was trying to reach my destination faster....just a thought
8. It is easier than you think to go 100 and not even realize it!
9. You do not get to listen to the radio while a DVD is playing and headphones are not recommended while driving
10. Before you rent a car, make sure it has been thoroughly checked out before you leave, or you will be trading cars in Nevada (Glad I did though)

OK some of these are not tips more like advice, but either way! Good things to know. The number one thing we all need to remember, you are not in control, God is and he will help you out in any situation no matter how mad or stressed out you get.

Hope all is well with everyone and have fun traveling, Lord knows I am. Next destination.....no clue, but I am truly looking forward to it!

Until next time....

More than you can handle....

Its is one of those days where you just want to climb back under the covers and never get back out. Just bury yourself among the pillows and blankets and hide. A day where nothing goes right and it is just one problem after another. It started out that way and it has continued to be a black blight on my day. Nothing I do changes it. Then I think about the last 5 years and realize that after 5 years of hell, it doesn't appear to get better. Sure there are moments that are fun and memorable....well actually its all memorable, just some are better memories than other. 5 years of misery, with a bit of bright spots shining through...Kind of like 5 years of dark cloudy rain, with the sun fighting to shine through but never quite making it.
That's the kind of day it has been.

I've been told that God never gives us more than we can handle. Everyone says it, but I have had way more than anyone one person should have to handle. I have, but I am not sure I believe it anymore. Admittedly I haven't broken yet, maybe a few mini meltdowns, but I am still here. Still breathing, still waking up every morning and getting out of bed and still living.

Tomorrow I will do the same, even it means not doing some of the things we wanted to do. It will all work out in the end and one day the cloudy days will seem few and far between. This will all one day seem like a bad dream ad all will be right in my world.

Live, Love, Laugh

Until next time...

14 years ago...

I became a mom. My baby girl just turned 14 today. Time has flown by since I first held her in my arms and I recall that day like it was yesterday. I can recount moment from moment the events of that day. My water broke a whole day before she actually came.

It amazes me how much has happened in 14 years. I had 3 more children, I got divorced and I moved back to the USA. Of course that is the short sum of my life in that time. She truly was the most amazing thing I had ever seen or held up to that point. Life certainly changed from the moment she came out, but I would change a thing about having K in my life. She is challenging for sure, but she is amazing too. She has her own ideas, her own beliefs (albeit it a little quirky) and she is strong willed. She is sweet, (though she would never admit to it) sensitive and Lord know she can be mean! I would not change one thing about her. (except her current hair color).

As I watch our children grow, I feel sad for their dad. He is missing so much of their lives. I want to shake him and ask what the hell he was thinking. These kids are the biggest blessing either of us has, regardless of anything else. We at least did 4 things right while we were together. The saddest part of all of it, is that Matthew does not know what it is like to have a daddy like the other kids do. Then again, maybe that is better, he doesn't know what he is missing either.

So even though things are bad right now, I know that there are good things in my life and things will get better.

Until next time....

With Coffee Comes Wisdom

Okay, so maybe the coffee itself does not give you the wisdom. However, sitting down, drinking a cup and reflecting can.

Granted right now, things are not the way I want them. I can accept it, I don't have to like it. I pray for the strength to get up in the morning and see the blessings I have in my life. I have 4 that mean the world to me and right now I feel like I am failing them. Drinking my cup of coffee, I realize that maybe failing is a bit too strong. They have what the need and some of what they want, but what we all need the most is a place of our own. Away from the crap and the headaches. Away from influences that are not appropriate for little ones to be around.

I will not, under no circumstance, apologize for my belief that there are some people your children do no need to be around. I will not let them believe it is okay to be a drug addict or an alcoholic. I am tired of tiptoeing around trying to make everything okay, trying to keep my children quiet...they are kids, you can't make them quiet. Truth be told, they are not that loud, they are just kids.

I meant what I said in previous posts, when I leave, this time I will not look back. Reality has slapped me in the face more than once in the last two weeks and I am getting tired of that too. When I have to step back and admit that my ex was right, it really is time to get a new perspective. I admit, he was not always wrong, but on this, I truly wanted him to be.

Maybe I am over sensitive (it is possible after 10 years with a person who is sensitive, that some of that could have rubbed off), maybe I am not sensitive enough, (Lord only knows how many times I have been told that), but I am who I am and if you don't like it, stay away.

I don't have the answers yet, but I know that they will come. I just have to keep Faith that they will come. That change will come because change is definitely wanted. I will never be tolerable of drugs and criminals. I have learned you can't be. This is not to say, I don't believe people can change, I know they can, I have seen proof, they can. It just means if you are going to change, you are going to have to do it on your own. I have my own life and my kids' life to look out for. They are truly all I care about anymore. Well them and a few others.

Hope all is well with everyone (It will be with me soon God Willing)