Stinking Thinking

We are all guilty of it, and we do it every day. It's vicious cycle that we get into and it eats at us and eventually we believe it. It's a little voice in your head that talks to you, and for some reason we let it continue and it festers and grows and it becomes something we don't even really recognize. It is stinking thinking. I heard this phrase in church today and it stuck with me and I realized, I do this...we all do.

Today as I sat in church I listened to the pastor, I prayed, I gave my concerns to God and I sang. As I was taking my notes and listening to the pastor, his words really hit home, but not as much as the phrase stinking thinking. A feeling of peace always comes over me as I sit in church and today was no exception. However, when I got home that feeling left. As I entered the door, this feeling of dread and hopelessness hit me and then the irritation took over and as words I would not be able to take back, almost flew out of my mouth, I heard the phrase stinking thinking.

Living with someone who is always negative is no easy task and today for the first time, I realized that no only has this negative feeling affected my way of thinking and even behaving, it has done the same thing to my children. I am quick to get angry and slow to forgive and God does not want this for us. It is hard to take a good hard look at ourselves, especially if we are wrong.

As I walked into the house today, I felt the negativity like a weighted blanket falling over me. I realized that stinking thinking is weighing my family down. Snide remarks and evil thoughts are not what we are suppose to hold on to. So what do we do? Can we change our stinking thinking?

The first thing I plan to do tonight, is pray. Pray for God to change my thoughts and help me to realize that there are things I need to change so I can change our address. I have been thinking this move is hopeless and the truth is that it is not, if I change my way of thinking. All the impossibilities of this move are possible if I let God be in control. I know there are many people who think that I am running away, and maybe part of me is, but in reality I am moving for my children. Today it is even clearer to me that we need to move. While I want nothing more than to be away from this house, it was never the reason to move to Maine. It is all about the children getting to be closer to their dad.

I need to let go and let God. Sounds simple, but seriously this is the hardest thing for me to do. I want to be in control, always. If I am in control then I control the outcome, but I learned today that if I let go, God controls the outcome much better than I ever could on my own. Luke 19:10 says, "for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." How perfect is this? I have lost sight of God, in my need to be the one in control of my life. My stinking thinking had me so off the path of following God that it seemed like such a long hard climb back.

I am not perfect and I will never claim to be. I am going to make mistakes, and I am going to mess up. Who cares? The people around you? Your family? Guess what, God knows you are going to mess up and He loves you anyway. He will never let you go, even when your stinking thinking has got you so far from Him, you don't think there is away back. He still has you and He will never let you go.

So my challenge is to you all, take a look at what your stinking thinking is costing you and then change it. Take the negative thought that is preventing you from your goal (or whatever it is), and change that thinking to focus on God. When you do, I promise you things will start to happen. One of the things my stinking thinking tells me daily, is that I am not worthy of God's love and since I can't be perfect, He can't and won't love me. Guess what, He loved me (and you) even before our parents knew we were going to exist. He knew who we would grow up to be and what we would accomplish and what we wouldn't. He has gone before us and seen it all and regardless of all the mistakes we were going to make, He loves us unconditionally, stinking thinking and all.

Until the next Scribble.......

Children Left in the Car....STOP!

Imagine felling dizzy, tired, having difficulty breathing and sitting in temperatures 30 to 40 degrees hotter than it is outside on a 100 degree day. Your sweaty, tired, your lungs feeling like they are on fire with every breath you take and your heart is beating so fast and there is nothing you can do to stop any of the symptoms. As an adult, you can get out of the car, as an infant or a toddler strapped into a car, you can't. You are helpless and alone and dying.

Sounds horrible, right? Well this is what happens to many children left in the car while their parents run into the store for a "quick second" . Anyone who watches, listens to or reads the news has read or heard about children dying by being left in the car.

Grabbing a gallon of milk, cigarettes, alcohol, getting your hair done, or any other errand is certainly not worth the life of your child. Nothing is worth risking the life of your child, and I do mean NOTHING!

A mother in Texas went into get her hair cut and left her two small children in the car. A passerby had to smash the window with a hammer in order to try and get the kids out. Even this was proving to be difficult as the mother had not only locked the car, but put the child safety lock on, virtually making it impossible to get the kids out, or even for the kids to get out. A woman had to climb through the window to get them out. Let me just say, that if your hair is so important that you are willing to risk the lives of your children, you don't deserve your children. A broken window is probably going to be the least of her worries.

This is probably the number one preventable death in children every year. It does not have to happen. Take your children with you. As a parent, I do realize that none of us are perfect and getting children in and out of car seats is a pain the butt, but when your child is dead because you didn't want to take a few seconds to undo the car seat or hear the child asking for candy in the store, you will realize how easy it really is to get them in and out. When your beloved child is dead, you will miss that "Mom I want candy. Can I have this? I want that!" Your child will no longer have a voice.

We have all lost our children in a store and panicked that we wouldn't be able to find them. We have all made mistakes, because Guess What?! We are not perfect! Leaving your child alone in a hot car for 7 hours is not a mistake. Leaving your children in the car to get a hair cut is bad judgment, and not a mistake, because you know better.

Are some of these deaths accidental? Probably. There is one case that I recall a few years back, where the dad had the baby, went into work and forgot he had the baby. He was not used to having the baby, it was rare for him to be the one to drop him off at daycare. I know that I run on automatic pilot most mornings, getting back packs together, grabbing coffee, getting 4 kids out the door in a timely manner and then to get to the stuff I have to do. I can see this being an accident, a tragic and useless accident that could have been prevented. A fatal case of distraction and running on auto pilot.

All of these cases are preventable, but they are not all murder. Murder means there was intent behind the action and I don't think the majority of these people meant to kill their children. To the mom who left her children in the car to get a haircut, had your children died, you should definitely have gotten murder charges, your hair is not that important. To those who broke the window, way to go you saved those children. To all parents, please, please, please don't leave your children in the car. To everyone, if you see babies or small children locked in a car, get them out! Break the window, do whatever it takes to get them out!

Older children can get out, even I have ran into the convenience store leaving my 16 year old in the car, but she can get out...and I leave the air conditioner on for her or her siblings, all of whom are old enough to get out of the car on their own. My 7 year old is never left in the car alone. Ever!

Parents, we are not perfect and we live in an imperfect world, but leaving your infants and small children in the car is careless and could have devastating, fatal results that will be hard for you to live with. The death of your precious child or children.

Until the Next Scribble.....

My Little Rant...Caution...Read at Own Risk

            Every day we hear in the news about people illegally crossing the border into the United States, and staying. We hear about illegal immigrants taking our jobs, costing our country a lot of money every day. Now we hear about the plane loads of immigrants that are being shipped around the country and released into our communities…because we don’t have enough criminals to deal with that are homegrown?

            I am not so insensitive that I don’t care about these people who are fleeing their country to try to escape unknown horrors and create a better life. I understand trying to care for and provide for your family. As a mother I can relate to wanting something better and safer for your children. I want the same things for mine.

            So why does this anger me? That is a good question and one I am going to answer. My children were born in Canada. No big deal right? Wrong. Now according to our Constitution, (which is not just some outdated piece of paper), tells me that as an American Citizen, my children are citizens, what the Constitution does not tell you, however, is all the hoops one has to jump through to get them legal to be here. Seriously? You can release a bunch of criminals with homicide and sexual crime convictions into our communities and give them free flights to various places around the country, but I, as an American citizen, have to pay a bunch of money, $600.00 per form (I have 3 children who need this form), in order to be able to get them social security numbers and what not.

            I have a Constitutional right to have my children living in this country, but what do these people have who cross our borders illegally? We know they are never going to show up to their deportation hearings, so why do we bother with hearings?

            Something is not right here.

            I love my country, I just wonder where its priorities are, because obviously it is no longer about the people of this country, if it were, would we be releasing criminals who are illegally in this country into our communities?

            Keep in mind that I am a US citizen. I was born and raised here and then moved to Canada where I had my children. As a US Citizen, according to our Constitution, my children are automatically considered US citizens, but I can’t claim them on my taxes or get socials for them without paying a ton of money for a piece of paper to agree with our Constitution. Immigrants that come here legally have to pay a bunch of money for Visa’s and to get their green card or citizenship, while we are throwing those who sneak across our borders into our communities.

            It is inhumane to leave them at the border or to send them back? Yet it is perfectly okay to place criminals with homicide and rape convictions into our communities with our children and families?

            I can honestly say that I don’t understand the politicians that run our country. When it comes down to it, their gray area is actually black and white. If you cross the border illegally, you go home. Simple. If you send your children here, you deserve to have them taken away, and guess what, we are sending them back. Simple. I know it sounds heartless, but when it did it become America’s job to take care of the world?

            Do you think Mexico would take care of the US if we needed it? No. Nor would any other country. Should we help other countries if we can? Absolutely, it’s part of what makes our country great, but that does not include trying to take over the country we are helping nor does it mean putting our citizens at risk.

            Granted this is just my opinion as an American citizen, but to me it seems that we make a big deal out of what should be simple. I think somewhere along the way our country has gotten lost and forgotten what the Constitution is about. We have forgotten what our Fore Fathers wanted for our country and sometimes it’s the basics, the bare essentials that we forget about and that we ignore. Don’t even get me started on what pansies we have become and how over sensitive we are and have becomes…perhaps that is another blog.

Until the next scribble.... 

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all you daddy's out there who are there day in and day out. Who play the role and love the role being a dad gives them each day. To the daddy's that kiss the boo-boo's, wipe away the tears, give hugs and spend every day doing what need's to be done. The one's who stay through the good, the bad and the not-so-much-fun days. You are awesome.

To all you single mom's out there, it is easy to put down your ex, but remember he gave you the best thing that ever happened to you. He gave you the child(ren) you hold dear and without him, those little angels would not be here. I know, believe me I know, it is easy to rant and dis your ex and call him every name in the book. Don't. This day is not just to honor the Father's who are good, but to honor the children the bad one's created.

In our home, we don't celebrate Father's Day in the way most do. It is a day I spend with my little one's and honor them. They love their dad, and they miss him, it is not my place to take that away from them or destroy their feelings for him. I get to remember him as the dad he was, the father he started out to be and the one that I know deep down is still there. They get to keep their ideas of him in their hearts and minds.
Ladies let me tell you something, killing this idea in their heads does not alienate him, does not work out the way you want it and in the end that one that looks bad is you.

At one time you loved this guy enough to create life with him. He is not (or was not) all bad. When I look at my children, I see him in them. I see him in K who loves Robotics, band and hates brand names. I see him in A who has a love for tinkering and building things. I see him in S, when she chooses to show that sensitive side of her, the one who gets her feeling hurt easily. I see him in M, even though M has never seen him, who is sensitive and loving and who would makes friends everywhere he goes. I him in their eyes, their smiles and their laughter. I know their are dad's out there who don't deserve to be celebrated, but remember without them, your children would not be here. Those hugs, kisses, muddy hand-prints
, sticky fingers that leave stickiness everywhere they touch, would be nothing, not even a distant memory. That little one who you held in your arms for the first time, who looked at you with big crocodile tears would not be even a thought on your radar if it was not for the man who helped you create them. Celebrate the good father's, there are some out there, and celebrate the children who love their father's unconditionally.

Crazy or Great Idea?

    As a single mom raising four kids, the word crazy has come up a few times. Let's face to raise four children on your own, it takes a certain amount of crazy. The craziness of life when you are a single mom can wear on a person and it seems that the is very little time for fun, vacations or even small trips. Not to mention the daily errands and running around there is when you have four kids who are active and busy. I love it though. I wouldn't change a whole lot.
    Their dad lives across the country and recently I decided that it would be a good idea to move to Maine, (where their dad lives). They need their dad, just as much as they need me and it is obvious to me as the days move on. He is missing out on so much of their lives and they are missing out on his. Divorce,
sometimes sucks and our children are the ones who end up suffering for it. So what is my bright (or to some, crazy) idea? To drive across the country with them. Yes I said drive across the country with 4 children. Insane I know.
     Call me crazy, but I love my children and I love spending time with them. Yes, they fight and they aggravate me, but they are still mine and they are still interesting, each in their own right. Being a single mom it is tough to schedule family time with mom being in school, kids having various sports and after school activities and just the daily grind of every day life.
    For me I see this as an opportunity to spend quality time as a family while seeing various parts of our country. Obviously we will have to stop and A wants a souvenir from every state we go through. What a great way to spend a part of our summer while spending time together.
    This will totally take a lot of planning, research and budgeting, but I think it will be quite the adventure and Oh so much fun. So for the next little while I have decided that this blog will be about the planning and the trip to Maine...who knows maybe I won't like it and we will come back, but at least they will get to see their dad! I will also be researching vans and SUV's that are able to carry a family of 5 comfortably across the country and still not be a gas guzzler. You let me know, is traveling across the country a crazy idea or a brilliant idea?

Until the next scribble....

Forgiveness

As I sit here, trying to work on my presentation for class, I am stuck thinking about forgiveness. It was a conversation that got started and just decided to weave its way into my thought process, blocking all else until I sat down to write it. You know, that nagging little thought that starts out as a small pebble of information and keeps growing until you have this boulder of information that just needs to be said. I know you all know what I am talking about. :)

Forgiveness, it is the hardest thing to do. The very last thing that you want to do or give to someone who has wronged you, betrayed you, violated you, or just ticked you off. Everyday we run into people who innocently (and I say this because they in some cases they have no knowledge of their offense), cause us distress. Strangers who step on our toes by mistake, who cut in front of you in line, making you want to run them over with your cart, (nicely of course), or to bigger more traumatizing events caused by people you know, or even someone you have never met. Victims of rape have a really hard time forgiving their attacker (who they may or may not know), domestic violence sufferers, whose trust is broken and betrayed by the one person they are suppose to depend on with their life (parent, spouse or other relative), or the little girl whose best friend took her candy and ate it; all of these suffer un-forgiveness in their hearts for a time. What about divorce? We all know that no marriage or relationship is perfect, but divorce brings out the vicious and the ugly in the person we vowed to love for ever. That we promised before God to forsake all others and stay together in the good times and the bad, how do we forgive this person?

As I write this blog, I want to point out that I am not immune to anger, bitterness, or un-forgiveness...just the very opposite actually. I can hold a grudge better than a dog can hold onto his bone when someone is trying to take it, or better than a super-glued shelf to wall can stick. Its not about my ability to forgive, its not even that I forget, its that God gave me the grace to forgive.

What does un-forgiveness do? Well from personal experience I can tell you that not forgiving someone is dangerous. If you can't forgive those who trespass against you, why should God forgive you when you trespass against Him? Matthew 6:14-15 says: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you". Who wants that?  No one.

When we don't forgive others, we don't hurt them. They don't care. I will bet you that they don't even realize they you are angry and if they do, most likely they don't care. It is not affecting them. It is eating at you, keeping you from moving on, keeping you from living and keeping you from God. It keeps you from fully being able to love someone else. It is like a prison where you are kept in by your own refusal to forgive. You have the key! Go ahead and set yourself free. Pray, God will be only to glad to help you forgive.

I am not perfect and I hold a lot of stuff in. It comes out in my writings or my more so in my poetry, which is how I usually find out its there. I am so good at hiding my feelings, I don't even know about them until I sit down to write.

Have you ever looked at someone and saw red, literally? Has the very mention of a person caused your blood pressure to rise and your heart to start beating a mile a minute? Has a person you see or have talked about make you want to cry? Or start punching them until they can't stand anymore? If the very site of or mention of a person makes you want to cause them bodily harm or causes you anxiety, your un-forgiveness has now affected your health. Also this is a sign that you need to forgive them.

Forgiveness is not easy. There is no perfect plan or timing. It is just simply something that you need to do. For you. In the words of Elsa, from Disney's, Frozen,"Let it go!" Pray, pray and pray again. I pray for my ex-husband. I do. I pray for wisdom to see what he needs to do, for his sight to return so that he can see what he is doing to the children I know he loves. I pray for understanding and patience on my part so that I am not quick to anger or to judge. I knew his heart, I no longer know it nor do I understand it. I pray that he is happy and that he does well.

I pray for others who have hurt me or wronged me. It works. I don't hate my ex, part of me will always love him. He is the father of my children, and someone I used to love unconditionally. A part of him is always with me, whenever I look at my children I see the best parts of both of us. I see him in the way K works out problems, I see him in the way she gets excited over her Robotics team. I see him in S's sympathetic (which is not as often anymore) nature towards those less fortunate than she is or who struggle with something. I see him in A's very sensitive nature and even in M who has had nothing to do with him. So in a sense holding on to my anger and not forgiving him not only hurts me, but it hurts those four beautiful and innocent children we created together. I use him as the example of my un-forgiveness, because his betrayal hurt the most, and in some ways caused the most damage.

How do you forgive? How do you forgives someone when your very core resists doing so? Don't focus on the actions the person took against you. Focus on the lessons you learned from the situation and move away from the anger. What caused the person to do what they did? You may never know, but I once read somewhere that a happy person doesn't intentionally hurt anyone, only unhappy people do. So again pray for that person, it's what God would want you to do. There is no ten step program to forgiving someone, there is no right way or wrong way.

Colossians 3-13 says: "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complain against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do."

Forgive and set it free. It doesn't mean you forget, because let's face it, its hard to forget someone pulling our braid in third grade and chasing us around the playground causing us to fall, skin our knee and cry. Besides if you know anything about psychology, you know that everything stored in your long-term memory is always there just waiting to be recalled by some little trigger such as a piece of candy similar to the one little Johnny stole from you in kindergarten. Memories are forever stuck in our mind. If you were to forget, you would not be able to learn the lesson you needed to, therefore allowing yourself to repeat the incident. So no, you don't forget, you forgive and don't dwell on the event.

What does forgiveness do for you? Oh so much my dear! It allows you to feel a calming sense of peace. To be able to love unconditionally and wholly. To see that the person who wronged you is not some vile creature that you would find in a Steven King movie, but rather just a person who has faults and weaknesses just like you do. It sets you free of bondage from anger and bitterness. It allows you to move on and find peace. Forgiveness is for you...not them.

Okay so back to school work I go.

Until the next Scribble.......

Let Them Be Little

I was listening to the news yesterday and the Dj's were talking about a school in New york, that decided to not do their annual kindergarten program. What parent does not like going to their child's school and watching them sing, dance, and be cute. So why cancel something that teaches the children to get up in front of an audience and perform? Why cancel something that allows children to have fun while learning to memorize lines and songs?

The reason is....

Are you ready?

They decided it was more important to focus on studying and become college and career ready rather than have a kindergarten performance! Seriously?! As a parent, I have watched my children do kindergarten (and other grades) performances and it has not changed their minds of wanting to ballerinas, fireman, police, astronauts, or spider-man when they grow up. I have been annoyed with the education system for awhile, for my own reasons. For example when M was in kindergarten they expected children to color in the lines, and do realistic coloring. Are you kidding me? Who hasn't colored an apple blue? Hair purple? (For M this was realistic as his sister K had purple hair). They changed printing from block letters to pre-cursive writing so the letters now HAVE to have a little kick on then end. Really? Like I told his teacher, I am happy if he can just write the letters. Who expects perfection out of kindergartners? There is too much expectation out of our preschoolers and kindergartners.

I am all for education and learning. I love learning. The problem is that school is taking the fun out of education and being a child. I am not raising mini-adults, I am raising children and teaching them to become adults. I don't expect children to come out of the womb knowing how to recite the alphabet and write their name in pre-cursive form. Children need to play...they need to do their annual kindergarten performances. Why are we expecting so much out of someone who just recently learned to go potty in the toilet and put their shoes on the right feet?

Education is important, but is it so important that kindergartners focus on their careers and become college ready? I don't think so. I want my children to go outside and play dodge ball, jump rope, hopscotch and do fingerprinting. They just started their education and now we want them to be fluent in math, reading and writing. We want them to know what they want to do with their life at 4 and 5. Really?!

I say bring back the kindergarten program, let our children be little while they still can, and let them have fun while still learning their alphabets and numbers. Otherwise, we are going to have children who dread going to school.

[Image via Pinterest]