Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all you daddy's out there who are there day in and day out. Who play the role and love the role being a dad gives them each day. To the daddy's that kiss the boo-boo's, wipe away the tears, give hugs and spend every day doing what need's to be done. The one's who stay through the good, the bad and the not-so-much-fun days. You are awesome.

To all you single mom's out there, it is easy to put down your ex, but remember he gave you the best thing that ever happened to you. He gave you the child(ren) you hold dear and without him, those little angels would not be here. I know, believe me I know, it is easy to rant and dis your ex and call him every name in the book. Don't. This day is not just to honor the Father's who are good, but to honor the children the bad one's created.

In our home, we don't celebrate Father's Day in the way most do. It is a day I spend with my little one's and honor them. They love their dad, and they miss him, it is not my place to take that away from them or destroy their feelings for him. I get to remember him as the dad he was, the father he started out to be and the one that I know deep down is still there. They get to keep their ideas of him in their hearts and minds.
Ladies let me tell you something, killing this idea in their heads does not alienate him, does not work out the way you want it and in the end that one that looks bad is you.

At one time you loved this guy enough to create life with him. He is not (or was not) all bad. When I look at my children, I see him in them. I see him in K who loves Robotics, band and hates brand names. I see him in A who has a love for tinkering and building things. I see him in S, when she chooses to show that sensitive side of her, the one who gets her feeling hurt easily. I see him in M, even though M has never seen him, who is sensitive and loving and who would makes friends everywhere he goes. I him in their eyes, their smiles and their laughter. I know their are dad's out there who don't deserve to be celebrated, but remember without them, your children would not be here. Those hugs, kisses, muddy hand-prints
, sticky fingers that leave stickiness everywhere they touch, would be nothing, not even a distant memory. That little one who you held in your arms for the first time, who looked at you with big crocodile tears would not be even a thought on your radar if it was not for the man who helped you create them. Celebrate the good father's, there are some out there, and celebrate the children who love their father's unconditionally.

Crazy or Great Idea?

    As a single mom raising four kids, the word crazy has come up a few times. Let's face to raise four children on your own, it takes a certain amount of crazy. The craziness of life when you are a single mom can wear on a person and it seems that the is very little time for fun, vacations or even small trips. Not to mention the daily errands and running around there is when you have four kids who are active and busy. I love it though. I wouldn't change a whole lot.
    Their dad lives across the country and recently I decided that it would be a good idea to move to Maine, (where their dad lives). They need their dad, just as much as they need me and it is obvious to me as the days move on. He is missing out on so much of their lives and they are missing out on his. Divorce,
sometimes sucks and our children are the ones who end up suffering for it. So what is my bright (or to some, crazy) idea? To drive across the country with them. Yes I said drive across the country with 4 children. Insane I know.
     Call me crazy, but I love my children and I love spending time with them. Yes, they fight and they aggravate me, but they are still mine and they are still interesting, each in their own right. Being a single mom it is tough to schedule family time with mom being in school, kids having various sports and after school activities and just the daily grind of every day life.
    For me I see this as an opportunity to spend quality time as a family while seeing various parts of our country. Obviously we will have to stop and A wants a souvenir from every state we go through. What a great way to spend a part of our summer while spending time together.
    This will totally take a lot of planning, research and budgeting, but I think it will be quite the adventure and Oh so much fun. So for the next little while I have decided that this blog will be about the planning and the trip to Maine...who knows maybe I won't like it and we will come back, but at least they will get to see their dad! I will also be researching vans and SUV's that are able to carry a family of 5 comfortably across the country and still not be a gas guzzler. You let me know, is traveling across the country a crazy idea or a brilliant idea?

Until the next scribble....

Forgiveness

As I sit here, trying to work on my presentation for class, I am stuck thinking about forgiveness. It was a conversation that got started and just decided to weave its way into my thought process, blocking all else until I sat down to write it. You know, that nagging little thought that starts out as a small pebble of information and keeps growing until you have this boulder of information that just needs to be said. I know you all know what I am talking about. :)

Forgiveness, it is the hardest thing to do. The very last thing that you want to do or give to someone who has wronged you, betrayed you, violated you, or just ticked you off. Everyday we run into people who innocently (and I say this because they in some cases they have no knowledge of their offense), cause us distress. Strangers who step on our toes by mistake, who cut in front of you in line, making you want to run them over with your cart, (nicely of course), or to bigger more traumatizing events caused by people you know, or even someone you have never met. Victims of rape have a really hard time forgiving their attacker (who they may or may not know), domestic violence sufferers, whose trust is broken and betrayed by the one person they are suppose to depend on with their life (parent, spouse or other relative), or the little girl whose best friend took her candy and ate it; all of these suffer un-forgiveness in their hearts for a time. What about divorce? We all know that no marriage or relationship is perfect, but divorce brings out the vicious and the ugly in the person we vowed to love for ever. That we promised before God to forsake all others and stay together in the good times and the bad, how do we forgive this person?

As I write this blog, I want to point out that I am not immune to anger, bitterness, or un-forgiveness...just the very opposite actually. I can hold a grudge better than a dog can hold onto his bone when someone is trying to take it, or better than a super-glued shelf to wall can stick. Its not about my ability to forgive, its not even that I forget, its that God gave me the grace to forgive.

What does un-forgiveness do? Well from personal experience I can tell you that not forgiving someone is dangerous. If you can't forgive those who trespass against you, why should God forgive you when you trespass against Him? Matthew 6:14-15 says: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you". Who wants that?  No one.

When we don't forgive others, we don't hurt them. They don't care. I will bet you that they don't even realize they you are angry and if they do, most likely they don't care. It is not affecting them. It is eating at you, keeping you from moving on, keeping you from living and keeping you from God. It keeps you from fully being able to love someone else. It is like a prison where you are kept in by your own refusal to forgive. You have the key! Go ahead and set yourself free. Pray, God will be only to glad to help you forgive.

I am not perfect and I hold a lot of stuff in. It comes out in my writings or my more so in my poetry, which is how I usually find out its there. I am so good at hiding my feelings, I don't even know about them until I sit down to write.

Have you ever looked at someone and saw red, literally? Has the very mention of a person caused your blood pressure to rise and your heart to start beating a mile a minute? Has a person you see or have talked about make you want to cry? Or start punching them until they can't stand anymore? If the very site of or mention of a person makes you want to cause them bodily harm or causes you anxiety, your un-forgiveness has now affected your health. Also this is a sign that you need to forgive them.

Forgiveness is not easy. There is no perfect plan or timing. It is just simply something that you need to do. For you. In the words of Elsa, from Disney's, Frozen,"Let it go!" Pray, pray and pray again. I pray for my ex-husband. I do. I pray for wisdom to see what he needs to do, for his sight to return so that he can see what he is doing to the children I know he loves. I pray for understanding and patience on my part so that I am not quick to anger or to judge. I knew his heart, I no longer know it nor do I understand it. I pray that he is happy and that he does well.

I pray for others who have hurt me or wronged me. It works. I don't hate my ex, part of me will always love him. He is the father of my children, and someone I used to love unconditionally. A part of him is always with me, whenever I look at my children I see the best parts of both of us. I see him in the way K works out problems, I see him in the way she gets excited over her Robotics team. I see him in S's sympathetic (which is not as often anymore) nature towards those less fortunate than she is or who struggle with something. I see him in A's very sensitive nature and even in M who has had nothing to do with him. So in a sense holding on to my anger and not forgiving him not only hurts me, but it hurts those four beautiful and innocent children we created together. I use him as the example of my un-forgiveness, because his betrayal hurt the most, and in some ways caused the most damage.

How do you forgive? How do you forgives someone when your very core resists doing so? Don't focus on the actions the person took against you. Focus on the lessons you learned from the situation and move away from the anger. What caused the person to do what they did? You may never know, but I once read somewhere that a happy person doesn't intentionally hurt anyone, only unhappy people do. So again pray for that person, it's what God would want you to do. There is no ten step program to forgiving someone, there is no right way or wrong way.

Colossians 3-13 says: "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complain against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do."

Forgive and set it free. It doesn't mean you forget, because let's face it, its hard to forget someone pulling our braid in third grade and chasing us around the playground causing us to fall, skin our knee and cry. Besides if you know anything about psychology, you know that everything stored in your long-term memory is always there just waiting to be recalled by some little trigger such as a piece of candy similar to the one little Johnny stole from you in kindergarten. Memories are forever stuck in our mind. If you were to forget, you would not be able to learn the lesson you needed to, therefore allowing yourself to repeat the incident. So no, you don't forget, you forgive and don't dwell on the event.

What does forgiveness do for you? Oh so much my dear! It allows you to feel a calming sense of peace. To be able to love unconditionally and wholly. To see that the person who wronged you is not some vile creature that you would find in a Steven King movie, but rather just a person who has faults and weaknesses just like you do. It sets you free of bondage from anger and bitterness. It allows you to move on and find peace. Forgiveness is for you...not them.

Okay so back to school work I go.

Until the next Scribble.......

Let Them Be Little

I was listening to the news yesterday and the Dj's were talking about a school in New york, that decided to not do their annual kindergarten program. What parent does not like going to their child's school and watching them sing, dance, and be cute. So why cancel something that teaches the children to get up in front of an audience and perform? Why cancel something that allows children to have fun while learning to memorize lines and songs?

The reason is....

Are you ready?

They decided it was more important to focus on studying and become college and career ready rather than have a kindergarten performance! Seriously?! As a parent, I have watched my children do kindergarten (and other grades) performances and it has not changed their minds of wanting to ballerinas, fireman, police, astronauts, or spider-man when they grow up. I have been annoyed with the education system for awhile, for my own reasons. For example when M was in kindergarten they expected children to color in the lines, and do realistic coloring. Are you kidding me? Who hasn't colored an apple blue? Hair purple? (For M this was realistic as his sister K had purple hair). They changed printing from block letters to pre-cursive writing so the letters now HAVE to have a little kick on then end. Really? Like I told his teacher, I am happy if he can just write the letters. Who expects perfection out of kindergartners? There is too much expectation out of our preschoolers and kindergartners.

I am all for education and learning. I love learning. The problem is that school is taking the fun out of education and being a child. I am not raising mini-adults, I am raising children and teaching them to become adults. I don't expect children to come out of the womb knowing how to recite the alphabet and write their name in pre-cursive form. Children need to play...they need to do their annual kindergarten performances. Why are we expecting so much out of someone who just recently learned to go potty in the toilet and put their shoes on the right feet?

Education is important, but is it so important that kindergartners focus on their careers and become college ready? I don't think so. I want my children to go outside and play dodge ball, jump rope, hopscotch and do fingerprinting. They just started their education and now we want them to be fluent in math, reading and writing. We want them to know what they want to do with their life at 4 and 5. Really?!

I say bring back the kindergarten program, let our children be little while they still can, and let them have fun while still learning their alphabets and numbers. Otherwise, we are going to have children who dread going to school.

[Image via Pinterest]

The Submissive Wife

What comes to your mind when you hear the phrase, "submissive" wife? Do you find yourself chained to the kitchen? At your husbands every beck and call? Do visions of 50 Shades of Gray scenes? I know when I first heard it, I scoffed and then laughed. There was no way, I would ever become submissive. Not to mention, you could be envisioning every feminist woman chasing after you with bats or trying to run you over with a car because you dare to undo years of women becoming equal to men.

Now before you pick up your cast iron skillet to beat me over the head and ask me if I have lost my mind, remember that the bible does tell us in Ephesians 5:22 "wives submit unto your husbands as to the Lord." The key word here is submit. Not bow down to, cater to, and have no voice or opinion.

So what does it mean? 

Today's society has warped the words submit and submissive. It has turned into something of a sexual nature with whips and chains and all things unholy and that do not belong in the bedroom. Or it has turned into something even worse...a slave to your husband and he commands you at his will to do his bidding. It has corrupted the beauty in being a submissive wife. Yes, I said beauty. 

God created marriage to be a beautiful union of two people to build a life together. TOGETHER. Someone to share the ups and downs with, someone to help you when you are feeling down. The husband is not the controller, he is the leader. He is the strength behind the family that builds their foundation on God's word. The husband "leads with strong hands", as it says in the song Lead Me, by Sanctus Real.

Submission simply means that you let go of control and let your husband lead. Let him hold your hand and guide you. It means that you listen to him and you make decisions with him. Its a relationship that is based on faith in God and faith in each other. Being submissive is trusting in your choice to make this man your husband. Trusting him as your partner in this life. 

Now here comes the bats, I do believe that the wife belongs in the home. She cares for and tends to the home. She makes it a place of warmth, love and family. She takes care of her family. The breakdown of the family and of society began when the family got put on the back burner. That is probably another blog later, but truly Proverbs 31:10-31 is the instructions for a wife and mother. It is what we as women are called to be. It is the perfect description of how we should want to be. 

I am not telling every wife and mother out there to go and quit their jobs, some of us can't. Single mother's can't for sure. I am saying that if it is feasible, do it. If it means cutting a few things out of your budget, moving to a smaller home, then isn't it worth it? Isn't spending the few short years raising your children and being home when they get out of school worth giving up a few material possessions? 

Being a submissive wife is about love, honor and respect, not bondage, chains. It doesn't mean you can't argue with your husband, personally I would rather not. It does not mean don't voice your opinion, but remind yourself that if your husband feels that something is best for the family, definitely know that it probably is. I mean, common sense here, if he is telling you to bomb and abortion clinic, you definitely might want to reconsider this and pray for him. Chances are, since your relationship is based on God's Word, he is not telling you do this. Chances are he has given it a lot of thought and prayed about it. 

I want to also point out, that while I believe the wife belongs at home, caring for the home and all that, I also believe that you can be a submissive wife and work. Not all women married or single can be stay-at-home wives/mothers. Some choose to work from home, which allows them to stop working and go pick up a sick kid from school or run a quick errand that came up. 

Your husband should be the one you look to for answers (aside from God, that is a given), he is the one you should seek comfort from. He is the one who you should comfort when he needs it. He is the one your heart belongs to. Submit to your husbands as to the Lord and I promise you, you will not regret it. 

Words, Words, and More Words...

I love when God confirms what you have been reading and hearing, by reading and hearing what God has been telling you. As you can see that I have been compelled to change the way I speak, to change the words I use and speak over myself, my children and others. Not only have I been convicted about words, but worry and impatience as well. A lot of people can tell you my favorite thing to quote is "Patience is a virtue". I love this saying, but I am rarely patient.

Today's message at Church was in regards to impatience and I can tell you that it hit home for me. Worry was also apart of this message today and it was also apart of the bible study I am doing" What Happens When Woman Say Yes to God.

What you say matters. The words you speak to someone matter. Your words have power. All things I have said in the previous posts and were reconfirmed today by the Message at church and by the bible study I am doing. They were also confirmed repeatedly by a person who I recently had remind me of this a few times when I (due to cramps) said, "I am dying". Our words have power and we need to speak life, not death over ourselves and others. We need to speak positive words and learn to trust God. We need to be patient and not worry.

Did you know that when you worry you can't worship? No, neither did I. God is not a God of worry, He is a God of love and compassion who only wants the best for us. Here is what the bible says about worry:

1) Matthew 6: 26-27 says, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; ye your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of ore value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"

2) Matthew 6:34 (which is part of Matthew 6:31-34, which was used in a sermon awhile back and used in my bible study today) says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things, Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

3) Phil 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" (No need to worry, we gain our strength from Christ)

In general Matthew 6:25-34 is about not worrying. How does any of this tie into impatience and words? Well let me tell you. When we worry we become impatient and we question God. When we question God we are doubting that God can provide for us. When we speak words of worry, "I can't" "I'm dying", "What if?"; we are speaking failure over our life.  Today's sermon talks about this (it was our notes for today as well) "Anxiety is nothing but repeatedly re-experiencing failure in advance." Seth Godin said these words. Who wants to experience failure repeatedly? Or even in advance? What you say matters! Your words have power.

Faith is not easy. Living by faith and not by sight is even harder. Trust, when you have trust issues, is extremely difficult. So, take it from me, give it up. Its so worth it to give it up and give it God. We don't have to worry because God has taken that from us. We don't have to worry because we have God. We can patient because we know God will provide. We need to speak LIFE not death over ourselves and others.

As we struggle with feelings we don't understand, behaviors of others that leave us feeling confused and hurt, we can rest assured that God knows our pain, He knows that we worry, but what he wants us to know is that because of Him, we don't have to worry.

Don't speak worries over your life, don't speak words of impatience over your life and don't speak death over your life.

Do speak positive words over your life, do speak works of gentleness and grace over your life and above all else, speak life over your life!

Until the next Scribble.....

The Ice Princess Melts...The power of positive words...

After I wrote my last post on negative words, I was reading my bible and doing my bible study and I knew I needed to add a blog about positive words.

Galations 5: 22-23 says this: 

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 

As I read these words I realized that these are the words I want to define who I am. In my bible study I had to pick three that I wanted to focus on and I decided that three for me were: faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The positive words in this scripture are words that I want others to see in me. I don't want the Ice Princess to be who I am. Its time for her to melt and we need to go our separate ways. 

If I had any doubts about these words, it was reiterated to me further on while looking up versus on gentleness I found this verse in Colassians: 

Colassions 3:12 (NIV)

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

As a mother, it is important that the words spoken over my children are positive and not damaging. I want them to believe and know that they are loved, that they are special and that they are not negatively described. Our words have the power to hurt or the power to lift one up.

As parents we have more power than we know over our children and what is spoken over them. Our prayers of protection over them are more powerful than any weapon used against them, even words.

TobyMac has a song that talks about speaking life.. Someone recently told me (when I was saying I felt like I was dying) that we need to speak life over us, not death.  This song hits home for me and it should remind us that our words have the power to give life and to take life (not literally).

Until the next scribble....