Married at First Sight

     We have all done the dating thing at one point or another. We have gone out for coffee, signed up for dating sites and planned dinners out. We take great pains picking out what we are going to wear and what we are going to do with our hair, how our make-up is going to look and then we head out the door only to be stood up or disappointed. 

     Finding that one person who is only meant for you is ridiculously hard. In fact it makes painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel look easy. If we do start to date someone, it is so easy to give up on someone we should probably stay with. "I didn't like what she said", (or in some cases didn't say), "He never puts the toilet seat down" and the excuses go on. Who likes anyone 100% of the time? Uh, that would be no one. Breaking up is so easy to do and commitment, real commitment takes work and effort on both sides. Even marriage is not sacred in our society anymore. Get married, try it out and if you don't like it get divorced. Then comes the television series, Married at First Sight. 

     I admit that at first I was a bit skeptical of the show. I watched it because from a psychological point of view the idea interested me. We have all heard about arranged marriages in other countries and they are popular in some cultures. To have this idea in America seemed a bit odd and intriguing to me. I pictured a bunch of desperate people wanting to find love so badly that they would do anything to find it. I can relate in some ways. Dating sucks. 

     What I found was interesting. The show did not make a mockery of marriage, like a lot of people thought it would. Personality tests and other questionnaires were used in order to match the couples up with one another. They didn't just throw random people together in order to make a show. They took their time and made sure that the people they were putting together were right for each other. 

     David Hinckley writes on the New York Daily News, stated, "human relationships are rarely something you can quantify on paper. Sorry. You just can’t." I would agree with him to some extent. Science and psychology are not enough to make a marriage or a relationship work. What I do believe though, is that with this new perspective on marriage, one might commit to working at something if they have to. While the show does give the option for divorce, I watched three couples try to make something where a few days ago there was nothing, not even a name. They struggled with their issues, emotions and pasts. 

     Jamie and Doug had the most to overcome. Jaime who thought she was ready for this, realized on her wedding day that she was scared and she was not attracted to Doug. She shows us that if you are willing to commit to making something work, you can succeed. She teaches us that marriage is worth fighting for, even when you don't know the person that well. (Let's face it, do we really know the person we are marrying after dating them for years?) This couple as overcame and had the hardest amount of work to do. I also like that Jaime didn't just jump in and have sex with her husband, though she could have, she waited until she was sure she was in this forever. In fact when I was watching the finale and Jaime said she was staying, I yelled, "YES" at the top of my lungs and literally fell off the couch! I was sure she was gone. 

     Monet and Von proved to us that this won't work for everyone. Monet realized that she was more independent that she originally thought and while she wants to be married, she was the kind of wife that Von was looking for. He wanted the traditional marriage (I can relate that is the same type of marriage I am looking for). Women come in all different shapes and sizes and even thinking. Not everyone wants a traditional marriage, even though many think they do at first. I give her a lot of credit for learning more about who she is and what she wants. I give Von credit too. It takes a lot to admit that maybe you didn't put your whole self into it and to know what you want. They were a cute couple though, I will give you that. 

     Courtney and Jason are simply adorable. They had the least amount of work, because they hit it off so well. This is not to say that they didn't work for it. Courtney fought for her man, something we should all do. She committed herself to this marriage and she was in it for the long haul. I knew this couple would stay together. They have a long road ahead of them as all couples do, but I think that this couple is together to stay. 

     Would I do this? I think I would, if I didn't have 4 children. I think having children in this process would make things a bit more difficult, on the other hand if both sides had children, it might make it even more worth fighting for. Dating brings out to many fake sides of each other and sometimes reality does not hit until you are married. You think, "woah who is this monster I married and what happened to the roses and the sweet little things they did?" In this experiment they got it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. There was no hiding it. 

     Here is the bottom line of my opinion, (I would love to do more research on the psychological and scientific aspect of this concept). If you are willing to put in the time, amazingly amount of hard work, and be open and honest with not only the other person, but yourself, then you can make it work, whether you have dated for years, a day or met at the alter. This show gives us a new perspective on marriage and relationships and it proves that nothing will work if the people in it are not in it for the long haul. 

     For me personally, I want a marriage that honors both people committed to it and one that honors God. Marriage is a commitment and a sacrifice. It is putting the needs of the one you love above yours at times and it is being there for better or worse. It is remembering the promise you made to each other to be there in the good times and the bad, to hold each others hand even if you don't always feel like it. It is knowing that no matter what happens, you have someone there who loves you and is going through this with you. At the end of the day I want someone who will pray with me, read the bible with me and know that I am not perfect and I am going to make mistakes, but who is willing to stay anyway. That is what marriage is. 
     

Lets Talk Nudity, Hacking and Privacy....

Okay ladies (and even men),

Over the past few days the news has been talking about nude photos celebrities had on their cloud (what is the cloud anyway? Does anyone really know?) that have been hacked into and published. Is this news? Yes, because Apple's cloud network has been hacked into and that is a security risk for millions of people who store information and pictures on there. Is it news because celebrities are having their nude photos sold? Maybe.

Here is my take on this:

If you don't want your pictures to get leaked, then don't put them on your computer, cloud drive, hard drive, USB stick or even leave them on the SD card in your phone or camera. Better yet....don't take them! If you don't take them, they can't get publicized. Easy Peasy! Celebrities already know they are targets for this kind of stuff, so why put it out there where it can get hacked into? Like Miley Cyrus and her twerking...just don't do it!

Now ladies, the female body is amazing is capable of amazing and beautiful things...such as child birth, but it is not meant to be shown off to the public. In this case they didn't mean for the public or anyone else's eyes to see these, but in today's world of technology, cyber hacking and identity theft, one should know not to put these kinds of things on their cloud.

Today we lack morality. We feel that sex is free to give to anyone and everyone. Showing off our bodies nude, or in provocative poses is not only okay is expected and seen as being proud of one's body. Let me tell you what, you can be proud of your body and keep your clothes on! You can be sexy and still be covered up. In fact ladies, the more left to the imagination, the better. I have even been told by guys that a girl who respects herself and keeps herself covered is a lot sexier than showing off your nude body.

Can you take sexy photos for your spouse? Absolutely, but perhaps keep private areas covered, especially if you are going to store them on your computer or heaven forbid your cloud! Personally I wouldn't want any naked photos of myself floating around my home, computer, phone or cyberspace, but hey that is just me. No photos, no opportunities for anyone to find them.

Here is the next issue, privacy should be respected and boundaries shouldn't be crossed. I know that there are those that feel celebrities have no right to privacy, but they would be wrong. Everyone has a right to privacy in their own private lives. They get to choose what parts of their lives they want to make public, not hackers who feel it is their own right to invade the privacy of others and post personal pictures for all to see or even to sell. This is stealing and you are selling illegal gained property that is not yours to sell. For whoever is going to end up buying these photos, you are buying stolen property, which in my opinion should be a felony (and I am pretty sure this is, but I'd have to look it up to be sure) and they should get the maximum time in prison. Not only did they steal property that didn't belong to them, they invaded the privacy of others and hacked into a corporations cloud. (I know sounds silly right, hacking into a cloud?)

Ask yourself the next time you decide you want to take nude photos, do you want anyone to potentially see them? If the answer is no, then don't do it! Simple. If you want to take them, keep them between you and your spouse, do it on a camera and delete them...:)

Don't Give Up!

Good Morning! Today is a gift and we are not guaranteed that there is a tomorrow. This is a text that I sent a friend of mine this morning. It is so true though! God gave us today, but until we wake up tomorrow we are not guaranteed tomorrow. He knows the day, the time, the second that our lives will end. We don't get a second longer than that.

Faith can be a struggle at times and it can be hard to hold on to your faith when it all seems like nothing is going your way. We watch those we love make dumb decisions, even when they know better. It sucks. Trust me I know. The last couple days have been really hard for me to walk in love, hold on to my faith and keep my hope. We all struggle and the good news is God knows our struggles and He knows how hard we fight to hold on to the little faith we have.

Yesterday, I wanted to give up. I wanted to just stop praying, stop believing that it is all going to work out and that what I have been praying for is just not going to happen. The thing is that the more Satan throws temptations in your way, the more you know you are headed the right way. Satan wants you to stop believing, stop having faith and he wants to ultimately destroy your hope.

My bible is full of underlined passages that pertain to my current prayers and today while I was praying and reading my bible I came to:

1 Corinthians 13:7- Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. Love never gives up! Never loses faith! Always Hopeful! Endures through every circumstance!!!

Lord knows I want to give up, that I am not strong enough to continue to believe there is an answer to my prayers. Yet I know that with Him, I can do anything and I can hold on to my faith that this will happen, that I will endure through the tough situation I am currently praying for. Let me tell you now that listening to someone you love talk about about what they are going through it NOT easy! It may make you feel like it is impossible. It will hurt. It will suck! Oh how it will suck! Just do it. Listen to them, pray for them, and love them. Love will endure through this circumstance. Hope changes everything! God prevails over all!!

I don't have all the answers, to be honest, I have more questions than answers, but I do know this: if it is in God's will, it WILL happen! Be patient! I will try not to beat this person with a tennis raquet or spit in his pie and you all do the same! :) We will prevail in our situations because we have the greatest weapon of all! Prayer!

Until the Next Scribble.....

Psalms 37:3-7

     This morning found me sitting on the couch praying. I prayed for my kids as well as J and S as I do every morning. Praying for God's will to influence their decisions and for them to be able to make decisions that honor God, themselves and their parents. When I felt compelled to pray for the family of this reporter who had been beheaded and those two who await the same fate. As I was praying I wanted to pray for their captors as well, bit not knowing exactly what to pray for them I prayed for God to know what to do in this situation. Only He knows their true hearts and as we know, Paul was once an enemy and a hater of God and he became one of His greatest followers.
     As I turned to my bible I started to read Psalms 37:3-4 as I do every morning, which says "Trust in the Lord and do good then you will dwell safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your hearts desires." This goes with a specific situation I pray for daily.
     Then I continued to read on and 5-7 says "Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help him. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday Sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes."
     Woah! OK, so this could be why I couldn't find the words to pray for the captors as I could for those two men who are awaiting to have the same fate fall upon them. Maybe it is not for me to worry about the captors who continue to spread their malicious acts and to leave them to God. This does not mean that we should not listen to the news or pay attention to what is happening in our world, for we still need to pray, maybe it is God's way of telling me that evil men and their wicked schemes are for Him to deal with and I should not worry for He is in charge.
     We can also apply this to those annoying individuals that are causing strife in our own lives and situations we are praying for. (Walk in Love, as my aunt tells me) The word "men" can be applied to women as well. So my advice.for today is to pray for your situation and let God be the one to handle the ones causing you strife. I tell my children all the time that if they retaliate against their sibling who hit them first, I can't correct the behavior of the offender because that would be punishing them twice. No double jeopardy in this house. :) The same goes for our heavenly father. His wrath is much greater than anything we can do. So let go and let God...and great things will happen in your life.

Until the next Scribble....

Proverbs 31: 10-31 Pt.1

As women, (sorry men I can't speak for you on this one), we struggle don't we? To be everything to everyone and when we do this, we struggle. We try to put on the garments of perfection, something we know can't be obtained, because to be human is to be imperfect. So why do we try to be something we know we can't?

Tonight, as with most nights, I read Proverbs 31:10-31 The Virtuous Woman (or in the NLT: A Wife of Noble Character). This passage always gets to me, because on the outside, without delving deeper into it, she seems like the perfect wife, mother and person. She seems to be something we strive for but can never obtain. But what happens when we inspect it and we dig deeper into this passage?

10: Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. (NLT)

What does this mean to you? To me, it means to simply be there for your husband, make him the only one you turn to and never turn to any other man over your husband. I pray this is the kind of wife I will be, when the day comes that I am a wife again. No one should come above, before or even after, your husband, except of course God. Being virtuous means to be faithful and to have high morals. Keep this close to you and honor your husband.

What does this mean if you are single (after all this is a blog written by a single mom and for single parents right?) Well let me tell you what I think that it means. I think it means that we need to strive for and prepare for our future husband. Prepare to be the kind of wife that you want to be in the event you find the one who will be your husband. Live a virtuous life. (This is easier to say than it is to do).

11-12: Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (NLT)

This should be simple right?! Trust is not easily fixed, and should never be broken, but it happens. Can it be repaired? I believe it can, if done in the right context. If you are trying to fix a relationship (and this can go for dating as well) and trust is broken early on, then maybe its a sign of what is to come and maybe it is a way to work out the major kinks before marriage. My theory and again this only my opinion and it could be wrong, but if it you are just dating and trust is an issue, maybe it is best to move on. Life is too short to keep repeating mistakes you made in the past. Marriage is going to take a lot of work and you both are going to say and do things that will hurt each other. As a wife, it is our goal to try our best to not hurt the person we love. It is our duty to love him and to be there and to help him, not harm him. Can your husband trust you? Does he know that without a doubt you are his and his alone? Does he know that you will do whatever it takes to keep him in your life. You will fight the devil (and you may have to, whether it be spiritual or in human form) to keep him. Sounds simple, but some days it will exhaust you, but it will always be worth it.

In verses 15-17 she is working to keep her home running and her family taken care of. She is preparing meals, taking care of business, and keeping her home the way she sees fit and in a way that honors God, her husband, herself and her children. Now as a mom you know how hard this is and at the end of the day we just want nothing more than to just fall into bed and end the day, except K needs help finishing her homework or M is throwing up in the bathroom and needs his mommy. Sometimes it seems like our days never end and we keep on doing. It is a gift to be able to do this, believe it or not.

16: She goes to inspect a field and buys it (NLT)

I know you are looking at this and thinking, "why does God want me to buy a field?" "I live in the city, what do I need a field for? Where would I even get one?" Well I don't believe that his is actually talking about buying a field. Look deeper...delve into the meaning behind considering a field and then buying it. As women we take on more than we can handle, because we feel compelled to be everything to everyone. I know this all to well, as many of you do too. What are you contemplating? Taking on a new task? A new job? A big move? In my bible I wrote this next to this verse, "Before taking on new tasks, consider how they affect you and your family. Do you have the time?" Saying no does not come easily to me. I want to help those who need it, even if I just don't have the time, and I know I don't. Just recently there is a situation that needs help, and I know in my heart that all I can do is pray. I don't have the time to do this, even though part of me wants to do it. Consider how what you are about to do or take on will affect those around you. Your kids, your husband, your family. If they are negatively affected in anyway, its not meant for you to do. However, if it is a God-given task, like Peter in Acts, do it and don't ask questions. If it is God-given, He will make it work. Consider before you buy.


Tomorrow, I will discuss the next section. The thing to remember is that while perfection seems like something we need to be striving for, what we need to be striving for is the only one that is perfect...God. As Philippians 4:13 tells us, we can do all things through Christ who is our strength. As I write this blog, I know I am preparing myself as well as digging deeper into God's word. Sometimes I think we take for granted those we love the most. We tell ourselves there is always tomorrow. We have time they can wait. Then we wake up tomorrow and find they are no longer there waiting for us.

As I write this, I struggle with a situation of my own. All I can do is pray that everything works out according to God's will. I gave up for awhile and I didn't trust God enough to handle this situation. In the end, I know if I lose, it is my fault for not trusting in God. Our relationships are never going to be easy and God does not promise us easy. So as I end this here for now, I pray that it is not too late and that even right now as it all seems lost, I have hope and hope can change everything. I pray that whatever you are struggling with right now, God gives you direction and patience. His timing and His will are far better than what we can do on our own. So be a virtuous woman and be a woman you would like to know.

Until the next Scribble....

Joy in the Morning!

     I am not a natural morning person. Give or take two or more cups of coffee and I am ready to go. However, that being said, there is something peaceful and quintessential about the morning. I was having a conversation this morning via text with a friend of mine and as I said, "Good Morning, it is a great day." His reply was, "Is it?"

    Absolutely it is. As a mother, evenings can be frustrating and it can be hard to find that inner calm when your seven year old is biting his brother and all you want to do is pull your hair out and cry. Psalms 30:5 says -" ....Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning." (NLT) How awesome is that? No matter what may trouble us the night before, relationship issues, aggravating children, that dreaded homework assignment you keep putting off. What ever it is, come the morning it is all in the past. It is a distant memory. Joy comes in the morning. The joy in knowing that God chose to wake you up this morning and each morning that He chooses to do so.

     My friend, the comedian that he thinks he is, sent me this picture of a cat. Ahh, but W, I beg to differ, there is such a thing as a Good Morning! There is, if you choose to wake up and say it's a good morning. The thing is that there is no guarantee that we will wake up in the morning and there is not even a guarantee that it will be a perfect day.

    It's a brand new day and God is giving us another day to spend loving our families, praising Him and to live life. What better way to say, "Thank you," than to wake up and and praise Him, the God who gave us life and who created us in His image? We are blessed because we woke up this morning.

     Yes, the problems of yesterday may be still with us, we woke up in the same frustrating situation, the same un-perfect body, the same house we want out of, but we woke up! We get another day and another chance to do something with this life that had we not woken up this morning...well then perhaps you might be able to say it is not a good day. Don't let your problems become so overwhelming and important that it makes your morning less joyful.

     None of us has the perfect life, but we have life and that is what matters. That is what counts when you wake up in the morning. Make today count. Take your little one who was aggravating you to see a movie, or go for ice cream with your children. Do something that says, Yes my world is not perfect, but I can take joy in the little things. We can either dwell on the issues that plague us, or we can take wonder in the beauty of this world (yes there is still beauty in this world, all you have to do is look!).

    My friend has 2 amazing children, he has people that love him and a God who has brought him through many challenges that for most of us, we would find it hard to go on. Yet he is still here, praising God and telling people who will listen, just how awesome and great our God truly is. It is the blessings in our life that enable us to find joy in the morning. Blessings that are God given. All you have to do is look around you to know that God is there. He is there in the sun shining through the window and he is there in the gloomy days of winter. No matter what your situation, if you woke up today, it is not just a good morning, it is a great morning!!!

   

Chase Life, Live life

There is something about the ocean that makes you pause. Unless of course you are M and you throw yourself right into it! As I watched my little man playing and being carefree, I thought about many things. This week has given me a lot to consider. There is a calm that comes from staring at something so powerful and daunting.

As I sat on the beach, watching M and contemplating the one thing that confuses me the most....Me, I realized that life is not only short, but that we spend so much time in self-preservation mode that we forget the one thing that no one wants to thing about. We are trying to preserve something that will in the end perish. We spend so much time trying to race the clock, develop the perfect life, the perfect relationship and to be something we are not. We guard the one thing that we should set free. Ourselves.

I am the queen of guarding myself. It is a fact and it is done in self-preservation. We think, we can't handle this break up, or the loss of that job. We think that we are protecting ourselves from getting hurt, when the truth is we are hurting ourselves.

How? Let me tell you how. By guarding our hearts, we push people away. Some people come in our lives for a short time, kind of like a passerby, glimpsing into the windows of the life we have built, but we have surrounded it in curtains so that no one can see in. Some people are meant to stay and share in the wonder that is our lives and make it better, these are the ones we have slightly opened the curtain for. Some people insert themselves in our lives to be closer to us, to try to cling on to the little shred of us that they desire, and we know that we should push them away, but for some crazy reason, we push away the ones that should stay. So in the end, we don't live, we survive. We don't chase life, we chase loneliness and isolation

How did I get all that from watching the ocean?

It was more so a combination of the ocean and watching M's childlike innocence at the wonder and beauty of the world. Carelessly, without caution, throwing himself into the unknown waters of a raging ocean. Innocently exploring every little aspect of the sand, the things he found and just playing.

This week I have seen the ocean from a beach in San Francisco and some cliffs in Mendocino, and each spot gave me this immense feeling of calm and peacefulness. This is amazing to me in so many ways, one being that I hate water. (Yeah I know, weird). Each spot held a beauty words can't describe and made me want to stay.

So instead of doing my norm of sitting down, watching the scenery and letting it pass without participating
, I joined M in his playing in the water, inspecting the things he found and even writing our names in the sand. Which is another lesson the ocean taught me. As the tide came in and the water erased our names I had written in the sand, I realized that nothing is permanent, even us. We are passerby's in this life and we can leave it by having scraped by and missed out on every opportunity, every perspective relationship, or starting a new adventure and creating new beginnings or we can live it, experience it and feel it.

Sure we are going to get our hearts broken, we are going to get hurt, and we are going to experience things that are not so fun. It's not living if we don't.

As of now, I am going to participate in my own life. Are you willing to do the same? I am going to let down my guard (OK this is not going to be an instant and probably about as fun as drinking instant coffee...ick), I am going to start living my life instead of preserving it.

Now I am not saying don't be careful who you date or to go sky diving (unless you have no fear and really want to). I am saying ,don;t be so guarded that when the right person comes along, the right job lands in your lap you let it pass on by our of fear and self-preservation. Do you really have a choice?

Until the next Scribble.....